If you are on plan and exercising and feel good and know that you are not slipping up it shouldnt matter how much you lose and in what time frame. I too have at least 80 to lose and am happy to just stay the same some days and not gain. Just feeling good about yourself and having the " I can do this" attitude will help in your weightloss journey also.:)

mandalinn82 - I couldn't have said it better myself. I used to fall into the all or nothing...I didn't meet my goal so I suck mode. Thanks for expressing my thoughts (and obviously yours) so eloquently.

Michelle,

CC said this:

I responded by this:

then you responded with this:

But HOW does that fall INTO the all or nothing category???????????

I think for some people it does set them up for failure. Like everything, everyone is different. I think having realistic mini-goals along the way works better for some people.

As an example, I know I'm not going to be able to run a marathon this fall. If I tried to do that, I'd probably fail and might get injured along the way. I do know I can run a half marathon and that is a very realistic goal for me based on my past training. I have measurable steps (mini-goals) along the way so I can track my progress.

If I attempted to train for a marathon right now, I'd probably be very discouraged with my progress and get depressed. Maybe even give up running all together.

About the 'freakish' thing...

It is not at all freakish to be on plan day after day after day until you meet your goals. I think it is wonderful!

However it is also not freakish to struggle and be unable to hang on and do it day after day after day. Lord knows I have fought tooth and nail for two and a half years to get 50ish pounds off and keep it off. If I could 'just' stay on plan every day and get the weight off I'd be doing that right now!

So I think neither way of 'being' is freakish at all. We are all different, we all have different issues (physical, mental, emotional) that got us fat so we all are not going to lose the weight in the same manner.

What I think everyone can agree on is that the weight CAN BE LOST and it is not impossible to do.

For me, and without a doubt we are all different, like a LOT different. But *for me*, there was lots more going into my "failure" then not meeting time based goals. I guess what set me up for failure was not taking the NECESSARY steps to at least TRY and MEET those goals.

THAT was where my problem was. I wasn't willing to put in the continual effort needed to get the job done. I wasn't willing to eat give up certain foods. I wasn't willing to rid my home of the junk. I wasn't willing to ADD in others. I wasn't willing to resist temptation. I wasn't willing to NOT give into cravings. I wasn't willing to make consistent, mature, responsible choices. I wasn't willing to give "this" the respect it so rightly deserves. I wasn't willing to commit FULLY. I wasn't willing to exercise. I basically wasn't wiling to do the work necessary.

Ya know, even though we are all different, and we know what works for us and what doesn't (or at least we try and figure it out), it is hard to pinpoint certain things even for ourselves. It's a complicated group of issues. :dizzy:

For me, yes, that is exactly the kind of goal that makes me feel like a failure if I don't meet it - even when I did my absolute best. It's why when I was expecting to lose about 10 pounds a month and I "only" lost 8.6 in January I was so upset and frantic that the scale wasn't moving. A non-perfectionist might look at that and say, right on! I lost 8.6 pounds! I can only see the 1.4 pounds I didn't lose and kick myself for failing to do what I wanted to do, even though I stuck to my plan like glue the whole month. It's not logical, but it's how my brain works. So when I see others leaning toward that trap, I try to steer them away.

Again, not meaning to be disrespectful or anything, but since this just has not been my experience and I'm plain old curious, what about it sets you up for failure? How could you have failed? Those 8.6 lbs didn't fall off miraculously. You WORKED to get them off. You put effort into getting them off. Okay, granted I hear that you *failed* to get the 10 lbs off, you've *only* taken off 8.6 - so then what happens??? What happens AFTER you've missed the mark by 1.4 lbs?

Again, not to be, well, not to be anything, but I find this fascinating. I'm wondering if the fact that I put forth such little effort in previous weight attempts is shining through.

I have a really big meeting coming up in a couple of weeks-- part of the whole big breakthrough that made me kick start this journey in the first place.

I turned my life around on a dime on 6/19/2009 and since then, like some others, I stay 100% on plan, day after day after day. I went from being totally sedentary to lifting weights and running. I've lost, so far 77 pounds.

But here's the thing. If, back in June, somebody had said to me "Uber, on the day you go for your big meeting, you'll weigh 218 lbs," I might have been really discouraged and decided the whole thing was impossible, and not worth it. Because from the perspective of 295, I was thinking, "oh no, even if I lose 100 lbs, I'll still be fat..."

295 was big, but 218 is still big. Looking forward to the prospect of losing 100 lbs, not getting there seems like failure.

But looking back from the perspective of 77 lbs lost, I now know that 218 and 295 are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Of course it was worth it. I look better, feel better, dress better, and have a completely revised sense of myself and my possibilities now.

I don't think it's "freakish" to stay on plan, and I don't think it's "freakish" not to stay on plan. I do think it "feels" freakish when you DO stay on plan, and still don't lose weight, but the weight does come off eventually.

So, to me, the most important thing is remembering that you will have succeeded long before you get to 100 lbs, and that being less obese is definitely much better than being more obese-- it's not just a fat/thin all or nothing dichotomy.

I know you didn't ask me, but I have a personal experience with this.

I set time-based goals for much of my journey. I usually met them. I got injured at one point (a rotator cuff strain), and missed my goal weight for the time period I had defined by 2 lbs. Since the total goal was 20, I made 90% of my goal (a success by any definition), but at that time, I read it as "failure", which became a justification in my head..."look how hard I'm working, I'm still failing, screw this, why should I work so hard?". And that was a main contributing factor to 3 weeks off plan and a 4 lb regain...more than I'd missed my goal by!

I am not saying that not hitting my target FORCED me off plan. Obviously, the choice to not eat on plan was still mine, and I take full responsibility for that and did eventually haul myself back up. But mentally, that perception of "failure" was very hard for me to deal with, and I wasn't fully prepared for the emotional complications of feeling that way. There were several factors that affected my going off plan, but I'd say that the biggest contributor to my actions, from a mental perspective, was the "failure" to acheive my goal.

It was this incident that prompted me to stop making time-based goals, and instead focus on behaviors. Interestingly, too, I've since learned from trial and error that the particular painkiller I was on for the shoulder makes me retain water like MAD...I can easily go up 5 lbs taking half the prescribed dose for 2-3 days. So most likely, my "failure" didn't have anything to do with my actions, other than taking my medications as prescribed. If I had been focusing on behaviors at that point, like I learned to do for myself, I would have seen that I was doing my very best, which might have prevented the slide.

Just my two cents.

As someone just beginning her journey and reading through this thread, I am completely amazed at the number of you who have lost so much, so quickly! I find it incredibly inspiring that weight loss can happen that fast! I have changed so many behaviors since Dec and feel like a new person, but still haven't fully absorbed the idea that by next Dec I could be 150 or 140lbs. That blows my mind! It makes me wonder that when I put up my winter coat (whenever that happens! :D), maybe I will need a new one next year. The summer after next, I might be wearing a normal bathing suit instead of a "fat girl" suit. These things just seem so intangible to me.

I guess my point is that for me, I can't even think about long term results right now. Literally, it doesn't compute. I have never known myself as a slim adult. (The last time I was slim I was 22 and regardless of the number, NOT an adult. ;) ) I am going 10lbs at a time and week by week. Did I eat the best whole foods I could put in my body at this meal? Trying to absorb all of the things that my life might be like next year are too overwhelming for me. I will deal with each small change and stage as it comes.

I could set a goal to lose the rest of my weight by Jan 1, but it doesn't have any real meaning to me. Just like the goal weight I put down when I made the signature over there <----, it's just a vague concept. For me, I don't think it would lead me to failure necessarily, but I don't plan to do it. I do plan to eat the grilled chicken with shallots and mushrooms for dinner tonight and exercise for an hour.

I can't express enough, again, how inspiring all of you maintainers and significant losers have been to me beginning this journey. It really is because of you that I feel that this time I will keep these habits permanently and someday get to goal (whatever that is!). :hug:

For a great deal of us it's what you really put into it. People Like CF and Robin were consistently on plan, but it's not the only way to success or lofty goals. I think these women rock... but plans this strict would back-fire on me big time.

Other people like myself have more slips and slides but I still managed to lose 110 my first year also... but why it worked for me despite less then ideal choices at times is. 1) I did not STOP and 2) I gave exercise probably a little more focus then your average person trying to lose weight. Paying extra close attention to my daily calorie deficit.

CAN you do it? Most likely, but it takes a whole lot of effort and it will slow down as you get closer to goal.

Putting a time-line on it could be good if goals really get you focused, or could be setting yourself up for frustration.

I keep reading mandalinn's posts and nodding my head.

I can be a perfectionist - I once had a boss tell me to do LESS work! He said that if I put in 10% less effort on each project, I'd still be doing 110%, and I needed to find a balance between quality and efficiency. With weight loss, perfectionist tendencies do make everything look black or white. Either I was on a diet or I was off of it. And if I made a bad eating choice, well, then I wasn't on a diet anymore, so I might as well eat whatever I want! And you can imagine what happens from there. For me, setting a time based goal can trigger that sort of reaction too - if I didn't meet my goal, well, then, what is the point of it all, so why bother, and why not just be a physical slug and eat whatever I want?

So for me, a big part of this journey is reframing the way I look at everything. I am not ON a diet, so I can't fall OFF one. I have chosen to make different choices about the way I eat and how much I move. And those are choices I plan to make forever. I try to be mindful each day of making the good choices - the points challenge here is really great for me. Although I've fallen off track this week, I know that I can just as easily have a 4 point day tomorrow, if I make the right choices.

However, I don't expect perfection from myself. Not that I think it's "freakish" if someone manages to stay on plan day in and day out for a year or longer, although part of me does wonder how a person with THAT much self-discipline gets significantly overweight in the first place. But I'm not in a race with anyone, including myself. I try every day to make all the right choices, but if I miss one, that's ok - I just need to make a better choice the next time. The next day, the next meal, even the very next bite are all opportunities for me to make a better choice.

One interesting thing is that I don't even feel badly when I don't make great choices. I try to own that choice too, and say, ok, right now, I really wanted this food, so I'm going to enjoy it and move on. That really helps to limit any potential damage. One bad meal doesn't mean the next one is bad too. And in reality, I'm naturally limiting portions so even a "bad meal" ain't what it used to be! My hope for a maintenance lifestyle is to eat most days the way I do right now - up to 1500 healthy calories a day - and then allow the occasional meal or even day off plan. I try to look at my bad days right now not as "falling off a diet" but as "practicing maintenance." To keep doing what I'm doing and heading in the right direction is far more important than doing it perfectly.

YMMV.

It's funny, because those of you who are strictly OP all the time feel like everyone else thinks you're a freak, and those of us who just can't lose fast for whatever reason feel the same vibe coming from the other 'camp', if you will.

I often feel like a freak, because I just *can't* get past this plateau, and I get the feeling a lot of the time that people think I am secretly binging and just not owning up to it. (Is that all in my head? Maybe so. But one of the fast losers did call my current plateau 'self-induced' recently, and that wasn't helpful.) Truth is I work *hard* and nothing. So far no medical answers either. It sucks.

Does that make me feel like a failure? Big time. If I had started out wanting to lose 100 pounds in 10 months, only to discover that I could barely lose 30 in a year, I would have felt like an even bigger failure than I often do these days (since I can't seem to make it to 100 pounds lost no matter what I do.)

Time-based goals work great for some people. Maybe that would work great for VickieLou. I know it sure doesn't work for me, and I think the people here who sound like they're trying to discourage VickieLou are just sharing the fact that sometimes plans go awry, no matter how hard you work to make them happen.

Thank You All for your response to my Question. From reading your responses
it's alot of work to lose this much weight. I will need to Plan, and Focus on my goal. I won't feel like a failure if I don't reach my Goal. I will be a little disappointed if I don't at least lose 50 LBS. But right know I'm going to strive to reach 100 by the end of the year. Maybe, in 6 month's I will revise the goal, when I see how much my average is per month. I know when I get closer to goal I could hit a plateau. I'm doing calorie counting. I don't have any special event I'm losing weight for, I just am sick of being Unhealthy.
I got back on plan today. I found out recently my Dad has Cancer. I have health problems of my own. I need to face reality and do something about my health now. Maybe, it's aimming a bit high but I'm hoping it will help motivate me. Thank You for Your Support and Advice. 3FC members are such an Inspiration to me.