I have been reading the other threads about doing this for external validation. I can relate. They REALLY got me thinking!

I must say, this time is very different for me. I am absolutely doing this for myself. I was sitting here thinking, I mean REALLY thinking about what I expect from others. What kind of validation am I looking for? Yeah, it would be nice to hear that I look good and that they (meaning family and friend) are proud of me, but that is not the sole reason. Yes, my reasons are very vain, just like I think most of ours are, but it's about me and all for ME. I wish I could tell you all how I came to this place, but I can't. What I do know is that one day while watching TV a Slim-fast commerical can on. Have seen those commericals over and over and over again. When all of sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks! That I would do this, for no other person or thing, but myself. It was truly a revelation. Once I got over the intial shock of being hit by a ton of bricks I felt a great weight being lifted off my shoulders and a sense of peace within myself.

I know I'm babbling, but am asking if there are any others that have felt this way?

I am very lucky in the way that my DH is very supportive and helpful. He never comments on my weight (good or bad), and he'd "get busy" every night if it were up to him. Whenever I feel low or down on myself he always has something nice to say. I wish all you ladies had this kind of support. It a wonderful thing. I do weigh more now than when we got married. But hey, I had 3 kids in less than 4 years , so even if did say thing, I'd have to give him the big smack down (hehe).

It's just so weird. I have always tried to diet for OTHER people, but had somehow convinced myself that I was doing for ME. But now that that is true, I can tell the difference. I feel as though there is no way I can fail this time. Oh, don't get me wrong, I've had a few set backs, but the only person I have to deal with, is myself and we all know that we're hardest on our selves.

I am so very grateful that I have found this site. You ladies are so supportive and although I've only been here a short time, I feel as though I'm really getting to know you all. I am here everyday, checking on everyone's progress and trying to give support and encouragement to others, as you have done for me.

So THANK YOU .

Hey Dyanm-
I really enjoyed reading this thread. I love coming here too. Usually it's the only site I visit all the time. It's great that you had your "lightbulb moment" as Oprah says. Complements are great but that cant keep you going for the rest of your life-you have to be doing it for you, like you said. I am starting to feel this way myself. When I cheat, it's not my "diet" I am cheating but myself, and my progress, etc..
Also-I must say your DH is a dream come true as far as I am concerned! I am almost divorced, my husband wouldnt say anything negative about my weight, but would tune out when I mentioned yet another diet. You can tell he was thinking why bother?? since I always lost some then gained it all back plus more. Oh well, I am gonna find a great man before I ever consider getting married again. Life is hard with the WRONG life mate!!
sorry to write a novel!
laura

Dyan and Laura:

You are both so right.

First, I'm sure that most of us have lost weight for someone else or for an event (like a wedding). Well, frankly my dear, I'm out of people to lose weight for!! I am the only one left. I guess it really IS time to do it for me.

Second, with a hubby who conveniently doesn't hear ANYTHING I say (important stuff or not) and a DD that seems to want to defy everything we want for her, I'm beginning to feel that I HAVE to do it for myself. DD won't be around for ever, THAT'S for sure and hubby . . . well . . . let's just say it's like there's no one there anyway, so who's left in that situation? Once again, I guess it really IS time to do it for me.

Afterall, when we are old and struggle to just get around, is it going to be easier to do it with more weight or less? Do we want to be strong and independent older people or rely on some stranger because we are so weak? Who will be the one who has to live with our choices?

annie

Hey Lorelei,

I'm sorry about the divorce . But I just know that you'll meet Mr. Wonderful. I FINALLY found him when I was 27. I thought I was never gonna meet that special someone. It was really a whirlwind thing. 3 weeks after we met we got engaged and 6 months later we were married . So now we've been together 7 years and have been married 6 1/2. Of course I got the "Are you sure?" talk. I remember telling my mom....Some people are together for 5-10 years before they get married, they get married and then get divorced within months. Then there are those (A friend's parents for example) who met one weekend, got married the next and have been together over 30 years! I also told my brother when he asked, that if I go into it thinking that it may or may not work, than I shouldn't do it. But in my heart I wanted to be with this man for the rest of my life. There are no guarantees in life, but you do what you feel.

I do have to brag about DH every now and then, because he truly is wonderful. He gets up with the kids in the middle of the night. He helps do the laundry, he does dishes, goes grocery shopping, etc..... Don't get me wrong I do get on him sometimes. For example when he does the dishes, he'll leave at least 1 item un-washed . I just don't get it. But all in all he's awesome. In the bedroom he's amazing. Why do think I married him in the first place ? Okay, okay, that wasn't the real reason, but boy did it help .

Lorelei, I've noticed that your always here giving us support and encouragement, and I would love to do the same for you. SO......once you get that divorce you go out and have a ball! Garth Brooks has an old song called "Mr. Right" and in it tells the girl that he can be her Mr. Right or Mr. Right now. It's up to her to choose if it'll be forever or just until whenever. I really enjoy that song, reminds me of younger, wild and carefree days .

Well, enjoy your day!

HORRAY for all of you. It is great thatyou can do this for you. It has taken me 2 years to try to realize this. as my last post on the other thread stated I ma trying to refocus this to a for me reason. I have seen so many postive things come out of this for and from me that it is realy for me. I juat have a hard time trying to keep this focus. when i start to slip it is too hard to get it back to me.

the other reason if for mykids. I find my kids kick and scream when they do not get their treats. I am trying to show them that it is not important to have those sweet treats, and that when they have them they turn nasty and mean and fight much more. (it is true) but for an event, or some one else that just does not do it!!

Wow, Annie, I never even thought about the effects of the weight in my "advanced years". Your right, I want to be a "Foxy Grandma" . I would love to have Tina Turner's legs. Not be a grandma that has to have a cane to get around. I want to be shaking my money maker, no matter how saggy it may be at that point.

We HAVE to do it for our selves. I bet that if we ask everyone who has sucessfully lost all their weight, and have kept it off, they would say that they did it for themselves.

Sue~

Didn't feel wonderful when you the realization hit you? I think about my kids too, but at this point they are all too young to know or care about what I'm going through.

I have found that my kids do have some of the same habits as I. I have since changed them, but they haven't and I am trying to steer them in another direction. As soon as I walk through the door I would head for the fridge. Not anymore . But now, when I walk through the door my son, Lucas (16mos) takes my hand and walks me into the kitchen to get something to eat. Since I'm not sure when DH has fed him, I'll usually give him some grapes, or yogurt. DD, Cheyenne (3) also goes straight for the fridge and will grab a yogurt. It's not really what they are grabbing (Fruit, yogurt, cheese, whatever) but that they go straight for the fridge. So I am trying to change that and direct them else where.

I wrote a poem once, I think I was 13 or so and I still remember it! Here it goes:

I come home from school
as bored as can be.
There's nothing to do
but watch TV.
I go to the fridge
to get something to eat.
I look at my stomach
but can't see my feet.
I say, "That's it,
I can't take it no more".
I put on my sweat suit
and jog out the door.

TADA....... Okay now I feel alittle foolish. But even back then I saw the pattern and I don't want my kids to the same thing.

Dyan WOW! I know that many as a kid times i used to wonder if I was thin would things be different. I was so depressed. I can feel your pain in that poem. and it echoes in my heart.

The pain to see my kids doing the things that they do is so deep. I just want to shake them and scream do you wan to end up fat like me? I know that would not do anything. my kids are thin now and would not believe it if i said that to them. But your kids may be hungry they have a higher metabolism the fact that you give them health snacks is good. atleast they are not addin sugar to their PB sandwhiches or eating4 packest of oatmeal in one sitting and then adding more sugar to them (I have stoped that everytime i see it) DD adds sugar every time she can I cought her putting syrup on her eggs the otherday. that is what now scares me. I am trying so hard to do this for me. and I know the external validation is important but the internal one is even better, I wish idid not rely on others. I love the new me. I love the way i feel so confident and know that i have done what most people dream of doing. That is a big head rush. I just need to continue with that feeling. nd feed that feeling. I lose it and then i have a hard time getting back on tract. it is when i find it that i can go strong.

in retrospect thinking of this past 2 years, that is the times that i do the best. when i am doing this for me and feel the pride of my accomplishments. so search deep and find that self pride. that is the key.

whew!!! you ladies blow me away, sometimes!!! yep. it takes some of us FOREVER to realize that this is somethiing deeply personal and that we should do only for ourselves. others can come along for the ride, and we certainly need the support, but it's all about making our own very personal choices.

and as for getting older and needing to be in decent condition. well, i'm living proof of how hard it can get when you're extremely overweight and over <ahem> 35.

the good news is that i was talking with a woman at work who plays in a women's ice hockey league. she said that she was still waiting for me to come to a skating clinic. i told her that it'll be next year after i've lost all my weight [i hope]. that'll be a cool thiing to do when i turn 50, don't you think? take up ice hockey??

so much living left... so much lost time to make up.

I have no doubt I'm doing this for me. I want to be as healthy as I can be and enjoy my life as much as I can. I never would turn down a compliment but I don't care if others notice a weight loss or not. I never wanted them to mention a weight gain, they don't need to mention a loss either. I finally mentioned to dh that I'm trying to eat healthier but I suspect he had noticed it. I've mentioned it to no one else even though my sibs would be very supportive. As would my kids. But this is between me and me (AND OF COURSE ALL YOU CHICKIES).

Well said anagram! I love that.... this is between me and me! I too haven't shouted to the world, that I am on a new course. Instead I come here. Of cousre some of my close family know....and that's only because I turn down requests to go out and eat etc.... I would much rather do some kind of activity and think that I had taken one step closer to my goal.

It's all about ME and proud to be selfish for once!