This, exactly. You should be nothing but proud of your loss and lifestyle change, she's just trying to rationalize her own failings where you have succeeding.

Interesting. I was reflecting only this week that I really do have food issues that are only addressed by not having them around, and I was feeling not guilty but aware that that's not the perfection, the 'normality' I want.

Your friend's response is a plateful of sour grapes, prompted by how grim she must feel about herself and the 100lb gap that's opened up between you. However, the gap is her fault, not yours. Sure, if she'd been sticking to a strategy she wouldn't necessarily have lost the same, wonderful amount as you have, but she can't be sticking to anything at all to have Gained 15 in the same time.

I do feel sorry for her, I remember the number of times I've squandered 'diets' before, but making you feel bad about yourself is a really cheap thing for her to have done.

I'm interested and reassured to read about always-slim people who have trigger foods that they don't keep in; and I agree with what the others have said about true success being developing a longterm strategy; and with the comparison between food-triggers and alcohol (and sex !) triggers.

You are totally a success!

Sounds like the green eyed monster to me. Unfortunately we are people who (most of us) have eaten ourselves unhealthy. If we didn't have these rules for ourselves we'd be no better off than before. We also make rules to eat better and exercise and avoid unhealthy temptation if possible. It is these rules that help us get our lives back.

The time may come when you can have those danger foods in your house and successfully not care about them and not eat them. But it might not be anytime soon, and it doesn't matter at all. The POINT is to do whatever you need to do to lose your weight and keep it off. If you manage that, you're a success. I'm a pragmatist--not a perfectionist.

Jay

I think EVERYONE has pretty much said it, but I think I would have said it to your friend, "Jealous much? I am Vice President in charge of me and what goes in my body and my house. So you do you and I do me and you can step off."

Here is the only other thing I would say to you. What she said bothered you and obviously hurt your feelings enough to ask others about it, what can you do to address that kind of negativity? You have been successful doing what you do, there shouldn't be a doubt in your mind. If there is, than maybe you should look at your expectations? Do you expect some day to over come all the little demons you have with food?

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to say in order to be successful, you have to be around all sorts of foods and resist them. What kind of logic is that?

I'm sure many people must avoid many different things in their lives because they can't or do not want to be around them all the time/any of the time. I think the only reason it's an issue is because she's not losing and trying to find some way of rationalizing her failure compared to your success.

You've made fabulous choices and done wonderfully and you just keep doing what works for you. Doesn't matter if someone else doesn't like it. This is about you and you deserve to be on a plan that works for you and your health.

This is unfortunate and I agree with everyone here. Really would you life be better if you could have ice cream in the house? You have done a wonderful job, never forget how fantastic and strong you are!

Amen.

I think it's pretty mean that she tried to make you feel bad about your success, but after thinking about it for awhile, I feel a bit sorry for her.

She's falling into the same trap that I did of having unrealistic expectations for myself and my eating habits. I may never have a healthy relationship with food, but if I can work out strategies and habits that keep me eating healthy food in sensible amounts, at least I can be a thinner person with an unhealthy relationship with food. By demanding "normality" she isn't allowing herself that option, and that's a shame.

You are a success, she had failed, (so far). I guess I don't understand why she thinks you should have junk food in the house. Why spend money on food to "watch it rot" when you can spend that money on SMALLER clothes and girly stuff. She's obviously not the brightest bulb in the box.

Excellent point!

:rofl:

Kaplods nailed it (as usual).

This month is the 5 year anniversary of the date I changed my life. I lost 70 lbs and have kept it off. I don't bring ice cream, cold cereal, crackers, chips into the house. After all this time, I STILL get out my measuring cup and measure a 1/4 cup of cashews if I want a snack.

I consider myself wildly successful - successful beyond my biggest dreams when I was heavy and wishing, hoping to lose weight.

One of my big eureka moments was realizing I had a problem with sugar/empty white carby foods. Severely limiting these foods was an epiphany, everything I thought I knew about me and food was wrong. I didn't have a problem with food, I had a problem with SOME foods.

no no, she didn't hurt my feelings at all (to know her is to love her, she's a crazy person lol) but she DID make me go hmmmmmm?????

I've done a random survey of my circle of friends, all lifelong thinnies, and here's what I got:

Ingrid - no cereal in the house (explains why she ORDERS cereal when we go out duh lol)

Paul - doesn't buy chips or cookies because a bag is a serving. He's rail thin! He says if it's THERE he'll EAT IT, no questions asked and he's trying not to eat a lot of fats and sugars, because his dad had heart disease. He was kind of a GIRL about the whole thing! fascinating! i never thought boys even noticed what they shoved in their gullets!

Tracey (not me, my friend) has kids and buys every treat type thing imaginable but limits what they have, and doesn't indulge herself. Just doesn't want it.

VERY intriguing! I want to know more about the habits of thinnies! I'm going to track them in their natural habitats lol

p.s. I chatted with my friend again, and I think I got thru to her -- it's not like i dropped 85 lbs by drinking lemon water with cayenne pepper, it's not a fad diet or fly by night, it's all with changes that i don't really think about any more, so I think she got it??? Anyway, she's made a commitment to stop drinking (real) soda as of TODAY! I'm really happy for her!!!:hug:

I think we need to remember that your friend voiced what many of us have thought at one time or another, and in fact largely what we're taught to expect. It's still very, very common for people to believe that they will be able to eat whatever they want again when they reach their goal weight (which why so many people regain it).

It reminds me of What is so often said of many diets, especially lower carb plans: "When I started eating normally again, I gained it all back."

Uh, yeah - that's how it works - if you return to old eating habits, or become less vigilant, the weight will generally return.

(And yes, I know that lower carb dieters tend to regain faster, but I also think because of the addiction-like pull of carbohydrates for some people, that rather than just going back to old patterns, people are likely to go on a carb bender, eating every "bad" carb in sight because of the "deprivation" of low- carb. Another effect that can't be dismissed is that higher carb eating, seems to cause water retention in many people - certainly me - so some of that more rapid gain may be water).

High fat and carbohydrate foods are ingrained in our culture. Celebration foods and comfort foods are often high fat/high carb foods, and so I think they're very difficult to envision giving up. But, I think one of the reasons that celebration foods tend to be high calorie/fat/starch foods, is because of the historical rarity of those foods. Sugar and refined flour were once extremely rare (and not very long ago, from a historical viewpoint) - rare to the point that many if not most people spent their entire lives without tasting either.

Our great, great grandparents didn't have to worry about temptation being around the house, and add a few more "greats" and they didn't have to worry about it being anywhere.

In essence, we're showering diamonds from the sky, and asking people to use self-control and leave them lie.

I'm not blaming "the environment" for my weight or anyone else's. Blame is too harsh a word, and implies that the individual has no power or control. Rather the environment, the individual and the individual's physiology(and even genetics), all interact to affect the outcome. Some of our struggles are within our control, and some are not. Obstacles truly do exist, and if we don't acknowledge their existence, we hith them like brick walls, instead of learning ways to navigate around or over them.

Because the obstacles are unique, we're not all running the same race. As a result, "success" must also be definited uniquely.