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Old 06-25-2002, 04:00 PM   #1  
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Default Question of the Day 6/25 Deep Thoughts

So, I've been thinking, and feeling really guilty about my thoughts. I constantly have been comparing myself to other people lately, but sort of in a backwards way. See, there are a few girls here at work that are REALLY heavy. And I mean extreme. I don't mean any insult to anyone by that... They also seem to not care about it, I've caught them devouring boxes of Ho-Hos, Etc (I mean, who hasn't done that, but they are pretty consistantly eating badly.)

And I find myself comparing myself to them. And saying "Thank God I am not that fat."

Is that right? What do you think?
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Old 06-25-2002, 04:09 PM   #2  
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Great question!

I think it's just part of human nature that we all have thoughts like that from time to time. I've found myself doing that before ~ once when i was on a really good weight loss streak I found myself thinking a little more judgmentally of people more overweight than me.

But I can tell from your posts that kindness is in your heart and I'm sure that shows in all of your actions towards them!

blessings to you ~ irishwings
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Old 06-25-2002, 05:01 PM   #3  
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I'm in agreement with Irish. It's our nature to want to see ourselves in a better light. I find myself asking my mother (quite often), 'Am I that big?'
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Old 06-25-2002, 07:51 PM   #4  
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Beth me, you're NOT the only one who does that! There have been times when I've turned to my husband with a look of desperation on my face and said, "Please tell me I'm not as big as that woman over there!" I do feel bad about feeling that way, and I'm certainly aware that there must be women out there who look at me and think, "Thank God I'm not as big as her!", but y'know, we're all human. We are all doing this for health reasons, but we're also doing it to look good.

I ate a whole bag of Double-Stuff Oreos once...just not in front of anyone...

18 lbs. gone

Next mini-goal: 215 by July 12
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Old 06-25-2002, 08:15 PM   #5  
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You are not alone, like the others said, it is just human nature. There is nothing malicious about it. I do the same thing where I work at lunch. I see people buying 2 slices of pizza, french fries and icecream and I wonder what they are thinking. Are they out of control like I am sometimes, or do they just not care? To tell the truth it helps to motivate me, I tell myself I can do this, I can eat healthy, (at least in front of people, which is one of my problems, I wish I could eat healthy when I am at home too, which I am always working on). Rambling...sorry.
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Old 06-25-2002, 09:22 PM   #6  
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Oh I so know how you feel...I too am a compairer....I am constantly thinking "Am I as big as that person?", "Does that person care that they are as big as they are or are they just sick of worrying about it do nothing?", etc....

I myself think there is no problems with thinking to yourself saying "Thank goodness I am not that big" as long as you don't say it aloud for them to hear as you don't know what their feelings are about their weight and such. Also I think it is good to say "I will not allow myself to get that big" because this means you will work on trying to lose the weight you have now or at least not gain more(if you KWIM).
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Old 06-25-2002, 11:39 PM   #7  
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I did it the other day at burger king.. I took my daughter there and only drank diet coke myself. I saw this large woman eating a supersized everything. I thought a lot about it .. THAT woman was ME just two months ago... and I didn't care who was looking at me.

As we left I looked around and every person there, including children, were over weight. Some were extremly over weight.

My eyes have really opened up the last few months. Here in Wisconsin fat is EVERYWHERE! If you ask for the 10 top places to eat here in town I couldn't eat in any of them and stay OP... oh sure.. maybe I could have their side salad.. but that's it! Wisconsin = beer, cheese & brats!

Citizens of this country sue tobacco companies because they developed cancer from smoking, knowing that smoking was bad for them.

With all the overweight and obese people in this country I can't believe somebody hasn't sued a company like Burger King for heart disease.

Sorry to rant.. I kind of went off topic..

but to answer your question Beth Ann... we all do it. We compare ourselves to others your are bigger.. skinnier.. shorter.. younger.. etc.

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Old 06-26-2002, 01:09 AM   #8  
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Default Self-Preservation....

That's the deal for me. Thinking to myself that I'm so glad that I carry my weight better than others.... Thinking that at least I'm well-proportioned so that I don't look as bad as so-and-so.... But deep-down... I know that I have let myself go too far.

Like Dana said.... In Wisconsin... obesity is everywhere. Plus-sized sections in the big stores are about as big as regular sections. Cheese.... string cheese, cheese curds, cheesecheesecheese.... BEER.... I don't know why the lifestyle is so much different here. But it worries me. My daughter is 8 now.... and I have worked so hard to get her interested in activity... health... She's in karate, horseback riding, basketball, swimming..... she's going to a Gymnastics/Swimming/Dance camp at the university next month. She LOVES sports.... And I am SO INCREDIBLY grateful for that. I hope that she doesn't have to deal with what I've had to.

DANA!!! I start weight watchers tomorrow!!! I'm so excited, and I'm sure I'll have a TON of questions for you!!
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Old 06-26-2002, 09:17 AM   #9  
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bethanne.. you have certainly opened a can of worms here, and i've looked at this a couple of times and haven't really had the time to focus on the topic and post a proper answer.

but a couple of thoughts..

misery loves company


resentment [everyone else gets to eat this stuff, so why can't i??

a desire to 'feel normal' by have a couple of friends to share the experience.

as for your feelings, can't judge. won't judge. but obviously, these ladies aren't friends, and it doesn't sound as if they're likely to become friends, and i'm sure there are a lot of reasons for that.

there's a kind of 'fat personality' that happens, and i've never liked it. even though i was in the same league as these very heavy ladies in your office, i never had that 'binge with the girls' focus on eating. a couple of times, in other work situations there have been heavy women as well, and they've tried to recruit me into their food-obsessed group, and i just didn't have that personality. they would rather focus on food at all times rather than improving their skills or meeting other people on their own terms.

they'd go off a couple of times a week and bring back ice cream sundaes, or large bags of chips, or large fast food meals, and that's just never been my style.

in fact, i have very few overweight friends, and certainly none in my size range. and i don't quite understand how that has evolved.

so, even though i have more to say, i guess that the bottom line is: just as all thin folks are different [personality-wise, and in their relationships with food] so are all heavy folks different. people find their own comfortable group and surroundings.

and that doesn't mean you're a bad person for wondering. or comparing. just a real human being,one with a kind heart and whole bunch of compassion.
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Old 06-26-2002, 10:03 AM   #10  
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St. Louis is a lot like Milwaukee, in that BEER is king, and naturally we've got a lot of food to go with it. I often go out with pals or my DH and whisper "If I ever get as big as THAT person, please bonk me on the head!" These are the same people I used to sit down with and eat plate after plate after plate of food, thinking that as long as there were people in the world bigger than me, that I had nothing to worry about.

But, there are fewer people around that fall into that category, and I am sometimes the biggest person in the room! That means there are people everywhere leaning over to their sweetie saying "If I ever get as big as her, shoot me!" ABOUT ME! It's absolutely human nature, and turning that around on myself is a big motivator to continue the battle.
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Old 06-26-2002, 04:58 PM   #11  
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Dana said it best for me in regard to comparisons made in many ways - big, small, tall, short.

I judge others (or is it ME I'm judging?) by:

1) looking at a really short person and thinking, "Boy, she is REALLY short! I can see right over her head." (I'm 4'11" tall)

2) looking at a tall person (most people look tall to me anyway) and thinking, "He is so tall that the top of my head comes up to his arm pits (or whatever :0 ) I wonder if he fells as out-of-place being that tall as I do being this short."

3) looking at a heavier person and thinking, "Geez, she's big. I hope I don't look like that. Think I'll order the salad. She's can't be happy carrying all that weight around." Even though someone maybe thinking that of me.

4) looking at a skinny person and thinking, "She is sooo thin. I feel really fat now. She needs some meat on her bones. That Arby's Super, the Mocha shake and those fries must be all she's going to eat today, or she'll throw it up. I don't ever want to be that thin." Even though I used to be a thin person.

I don't think those are MEAN thoughts, just observational.

I think it's most natural. I find myself looking at people in other ways, too. Looking at their hair, clothes. I just like looking at people. Every one is different and special.

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Old 06-26-2002, 05:33 PM   #12  
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OMG Annie.. we think exactly alike.
You should see me judge others in their sleezy clothes!

I saw a really tall woman at walmart last night.. she was down an aisle and at first I thought she was on a stool. Then I looked down and her legs went on forever! My thought: it must be so hard for her to find clothes.
I am 5 foot nothing so everyone normally looks tall to me too.

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Old 06-27-2002, 08:02 PM   #13  
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I compare myself to others in terms of size, more than I would like to admit. Like Jennelle, I constantly ask my husband when we are out, "I'm not as big as her, am I?" I'm also quite sure that many people I've crossed paths with have leaned over to their husbands/friends and asked the same question. We are all, at least a little, vain. It is human nature. Getting that reassurance from people around us (whether it is true or not) is what can keep us feeling like we aren't quite as "bad" as the next person.
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Old 06-27-2002, 10:05 PM   #14  
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this is a quite interesting topic

let me add a twist to those thoughts. may of you are talking with just a part of your weight gone. I have battled to about 2/3 of my weight gone. sitting in a size 14 I am considered to be the normal size of the american woman today. BUT when i see an overly heavy person i think I wish i can help that person. I know how uncomfortable they are, Gosh is must feel so bad to carry that weight around. and i also think that i could still be there if i had not found this site, and my determination.

I have seen a very funny site recently a very tall stick thin man about 6'6" and a very short woman about 5' + some and she is about round. I see his stroling along is small slow strides to slow down for her while she strugles to keep up with him lumbering along (the best term to describe her gait) She has such a hard time walking What an unusual sceen but i think if she was thnner then she would be able to keep up ith him better. But it is obvious to that he does not let her know how much she slows him down. It is very touching to see that.

It hurts me to see the very heavy people out there and one of my dreams is to be able t help some of them lose weight and have the wonderful feeling os success and acomplishment and the feeling that if i can do this there is nothing i can not do!!!
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Old 06-28-2002, 10:25 AM   #15  
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WoW. Great topic. Well, I ditto everything. Your are not alone, believe me. We all do it. And I don't want to. I don't want to feel bad or good depending on who is sitting next to me. And that happens more often than not. I want to feel good about me, not because the woman who is sitting next to me looks worse than me.

All about change I guess. All about insecurities. I don't want to be insecure anymore.
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