bella, I just checked out your pic on the progress thread, your hubby is a nerd if he thinks you are that fat as to be embarrassing. You are the one who should be embarrassed that your husband was that shallow.

I think you look fine. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about.

Bella..I applaud you for having such a wonderful attitude about all of this. Not every woman could be as adult as you are. YOU are beautiful, look at those eyes! And I think I may have been wrong, you should go get you're award. You deserve it!

Here is my personal yet very strong opinion.

When you get married, you make some serious promises. One of those should be unconditional love. As someone who is still married after her husband did several almost-unforgivable things, I can say I do love my husband unconditionally.

also, there is a HUGE difference between being embarrassed by someone's behavior, and embarrassed by their appearance. AND I could understand him not being happy about her weight, but not wanting to introduce her to his friends because of what they might say is a COMPLETELY different thing than whispering "Hey Ma, chew with your mouth closed".

Also, the fact that my parents always loved me never meant as much to me as my husband loving me does, because he doesn't HAVE to love me. But he does. And we have both hurt each other, but we will always be there for each other.

I can honestly say I have NEVER EVER been embarrassed about my weight. Upset? sure. Mad at myself for letting myself gain? Yes. But I also had plenty of pretty darn good reasons why I gained the weight.

I can also say that no one has ever been embarrassed by my weight. Concerned? Yes. Worried about my health? Yes. But would my weight ever stop them from introducing me to people?? I strongly strongly doubt it.

Also - I would challenge you to go look at bella's pic. Would you be EMBARRASSED? I sure the **** hope not!!!

And my final point - I think that women take comments from their "Significant others" a LOT differently than you might expect. I know that nothing in this world has ever hurt me as much as some things Greg has said to me. Did he mean to hurt me?? no. But his opinion of me is more important than anyone else's in the whole world. The words that come out of a husband's mouth have a tremendous amount of power in a wife's emotional state. If you can learn and remember that, as a guy out there, you will be much better off.

I have been reading this thread for the last couple of days and I have gone from angry, to sympathetic, to sad...to....

Bella: Congrats for your brave attitude and your ability to understand people. I have always been of the opinion that those who are embarrassed by our weights probably have self esteeme issues of their own!!!Otherwise why would they feel this way about someone they love?

Unfortunately, we live in a sometimes, unfair and cruel world and we can not make others accept us, without judgement, for the people that we are...not just how much space we take up!!! I know that I don't want to be judged for my size and I try very hard not to judge others for any superficial reason..

This is just my opinion...I hope you have a good trip, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!

Bella - I am so proud of you for deciding to go to awards presentation! You will be glad you went. It's better than sitting around thinking of it as a missed opportunity to celebrate not your outside, but your INSIDE. I was a Navy wife for 13 years (DH retired last year) and I KNOW you deserve this! Lesser women would not live through being a military spouse.

As far as hubby goes, you DO need to tell him how much he's hurt your feelings. Can I suggest something? Write two letters. The first one should be full of anger and venom and lashing out (plenty of lewd and nasty name-calling - the more, the better! ). Then burn it in the barbeque grill. Letter number two will be the rational, well-thought out explanation of how your husband's insult (and, yes, it WAS an insult!) hurt you. Mail that one. (Just make sure not to mail the wrong one!!!!!)

Jennelle
242.5/232.5/140

First of all, thank you all for the support. It has really helped.

My hubby and I have been talking about what happened. Not to get into great detail but I told him what it really did to me. He now thinks that i think he is a horrible person. I told him that when it happened I really did think he was a horrible person. He said that he feels really bad about it and that he is sorry for telling me.

I have decided that I can't change the way he feels and that if he doesn't want me to meet his soldier friends then so be it, it's no ones loss but thiers. I'm done letting this depress and worrie me.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't forgiven or forgotten what he said to me but I'm on my way. He understands that now and I really think that is hard on him.

Again, thank you all for your support. I needed it.

Bella23

wow!!! the phones go out for a couple of days around here and look what happens!!!

i have very little to add to all these very thought-provoking posts. bella... do what makes you comfortable. being NCO wife of the year is quite an accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself. and the award does not depend on your weight.l you would have received it if you weighed 110, 140, 175, or whatever.

and perhaps you and your DH could work out a few things for him to say if anyone makes a comment about your size to him? better to have a good comeback prepared than to get into a fight!!

may i suggest reading the thread on the low carb board about fat acceptance? it's right on point with how we perceive ourselves, accept ourselves, and how others view us. many many interesting, heart-rending comments.