oh my goodness my heart is breaking for you. No one can understand, really, but know that we're in support & sympathy.

I was talking about this with my Mom actually on mother's day, as my brother passed away a few days prior (years ago), and my mom was saying how she basically "went to bed" for about 5 months, gained about 50 lbs, and didn't move or do much of anything. My dad carried the family for that time, and finally said "we need you too much" and she was able to get up and live for us. She said that the very trite saying of "time heals all wounds" was foolish and insulting at the time, but 30 years on she can see the wisdom in the words. The pain never goes away she said, but it's a bit less and less every day. She said having other children to care for is what saved her and made her come to life again.

We're all thinking of you Penny, you're getting hugs from all corners of the globe.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.
Dawnyal

I am so sorry. I have not experienced this, but my brother has. Someone who has had the same sad experience told him " Eventually you will be able to smile over the good times you had with your child. " He will never get over his loss but is grateful for the time he had with his son. Their is no time table for the healing process . I am praying that you will find peace.

Penney,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm going to echo what everyone has said about a support group. I went to grief support group for a while, and they help so much. You realize that what you're going through is okay, and that everyone reacts differently to grief, and that there are a whole bunch of people who understand. You also get a place where it's okay to randomly burst into tears, and nobody thinks that you've been grieving "too much" or "too long" and you can curse the people who do say things like that and it's okay.

Here's a piece of super practical advice on where to start. Take walks. They don't have to be long walks, they don't have to be power walks, they just need to get you out of the house and get your blood moving. When we're grieving, it's so easy to fall into that place where you don't want to do anything, and leaving the house is a huge effort. I know. But take a walk, even if it's just for five minutes. (And don't smoke during it!) And just keep breathing.

Lisa

I am so sorry for your loss, Penny. I hope you are able to find peace soon.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Do what you can to take care of yourself and your children in your time of need. If you can't lose weight, at least try to maintain until you get some semblance of "normal" back in your life. My prayers are with you.

I am very sorry to hear of your loss! I couldn't even imagine your pain.

I'm sorry to hear this. Please take some time for yourself. I know everyone needs you, but you are important, too!

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even imagine the pain you are going through right now. Please give yourself lots of time to grieve, it is the only way you are going to work through this and please let your husband and family help you through this as much as sometimes you probably want to be alone. They are probably suffering as much as you are.

Penny, you have my deepest sympathy and well wishes. I wish I could offer something more tangible and helpful. Please consider finding a support group or a counselor to talk to. Just hold on.... our thoughts are with you.

Penney - I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I know that no words can make it better and I cannot imagine the pain you're going through, but I know that when my parents died, just knowing that someone out there was thinking about me helped a little. I hope our thoughts here can bring you some small measure of comfort, if not peace and healing.

.

There is an amazing author named Elizabeth Kubler Ross who talks about grief. If you could find something written by her it may give you a small once of relief. My heart so goes out to you and I am deeply sad for your situation. I wish I could do more.

Thanks - you all have no idea how much your kind words and support mean to me and have helped me. I have been reading some articles online and a friend actually gave me a book to read (don't remember the author) that I have decided I am going to open tonight and start reading.

I am going to make a commitment now that starting next Tuesday, I am going to go back to the gym - for at least 30 minutes - I don't care if I just sit there and stare at the equipment - I am at least going to go. I got a prescription from my doctor for the pills that I used last time to help me quit smoking and next Tuesday will be my complete break from cigarettes again.

I think that if I can get into the gym and wear myself out - I might actually be able to start sleeping again.

I read something online that says that though the grief never actually goes away - it does eventually ease - but most parents say it took them about a year. I have started a journal of sorts - writing down all the good things and times. So one day - I will be able to look back, read it and be able to think of our happy times and I will be able to do it without such an ache.

Thanks everyone - sorry this was so long - sometimes I just babble.

I am so sorry to hear this! I hope you can seek some counseling to help you with the grief.