Hello All, wow I haven't posted in a while, I've just been lurking lately. First of all, I can't believe how far I've come in 1 year. That's when I started taking my weight loss seriously, and I feel and look great. But there's a few things that remain challenging.
I've really been in the zone in terms of losing weight, and I plan on staying in this place. But what I'm finding difficult is how do I feed myself what I need when I don't have the kind of personal relationships I need in my life? I've been in therapy throughout this whole process to deal with why I was overeating in the first place. Part of what I uncovered is the lack of support and nurturing I got from my family. I love my family to pieces and we are really close, but they're so absorbed in their own stuff, it's hard for them to support me the way I need them to. I guess this is a really long way of saying I need more supportive relationships in my life, so I don't fill that void with food. Exercise and healthy eating can only do so much. I want to eventually get married and have a family of my own, but that still continues to pass me by. I'm staying hopeful, but how do you deal with having that void of relationships in your life, something we all need to survive, and not try to fill it with food?
I'm a pretty independent person, I don't live in the same city as my family, and most of my close friends where I currently live have moved away. So I've been trying over the past 3 years or so to find a community of sorts, but to no avail. I'm just not sure where to go from here.
I've personally found I needed to make the effort to find and gain friends. Staying at home with my kids all the time never did me any good.
As for love. The best advice I got ws if you stop looking for it then it will happen for you. I stopped and soon enough I did find my husband.
I told this to my then 16 yo sister who was depressed about not having a boyfriend. She stopped obessing and focused on herself and her studies and she found herself a great boyfriend, who is now her fiance.
I don't know how old you are, but it will happen for you one day. Until then focus on what you need to. Heal yourself inside and out. Having a boyfriend or husband won't actually help you. If you can find peace within yourself, then gaining a BF or a DH might end up making you into a dependant person, a needy person which is a turn off.
It is difficult doing this alone, but you aren't alone. Find local WL support groups and go to them and find like minded supportive friends and build relationships up with them.
First of all, I wanted to say "Congratulations" about the weight you've lost during the year! Fantastic
I'm wondering. Have you tried looking at online dating sites? There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a look around at the people out there who are also looking. There's also nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and saying "Hey, I'm a happy person who has a fulfilling life, but I'd like to share it with someone."
I'm not sure where you've gone to look for a community (are you part of a church or organization or club?). Have you thought of volunteering a few times a month? You might find a few nice people. And if nothing else, it gives back to people who need help. One other way might be to join some sort of fitness group activity. Or go to some adult education class or... lots of things. Don't give up. Keep on going out there and having fun with groups. You're bound to find a few people who you enjoy spending time with!
Well, shoot, I used to drink a lot, and engage in, uh, very shallow relationships to combat loneliness, but I don't really suggest that. I spent the bulk of my young adulthood feeling lonely and miserable. It sucks when your relationships are misses, esp as you watch other people finally pair up with the people they think they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
But also the grass is greener on the other side. Not to diminish the what you're feeling, but as soon as you settle down, life as you know it is over and you're going to miss being alone and independent, and then you'll think, "Why was I ever worried in the first place?? Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" And you will settle down if that's what you want to do. It doesn't pass you by. Relationships are 99% timing, I think, with two compatible people wanting the same thing at pretty much the exact same time. It is more rare than it seems.
You're doing awesome. Stay strong! Put out a Craigslist ad or something to find close friends to hang out with.
First off, BIG HUGE congratulations on your weight loss! You are an inspiration!!
Secondly, I "second" the suggestion to try online dating. I know, it sounds silly. But that's exactly how my dh and I met. If you want, PM me and I'll PM you the site that we used. A good friend convinced me to do it, and I'm so glad she did. We were the third Christian couple she knew that got married after meeting on that site. There are plenty of good people online, looking for relationships. And with the site we used, you don't have to give ANY personal info to a person until you feel ready to do so.
But most of all, I hope that you become okay with YOU! Another person can't make you happy - only you can do that for yourself.
Join a club or take a class, and then put yourself out there. When you seem to get along with someone, ask if s/he would be interested in getting a cup of coffee or working on an assignment together. There are lots of people out there who are just as clueless about how to start up a relationship (of the friendship or romantic variety) as you feel that you are.
Body language plays such a huge role in making friends. Don't stay hunched up. Keep an open frame. People tend to avoid talking to people who don't look like they want to be talked to. Whenever you talk to someone new, use his or her name. It will encourage the person to remember your name, which takes you in the right direction to build a relationship.
I've been struggling with finding a good support network, but theses steps have started to give me results. In fact, I have plans to get a smoothie with a woman from my gym tomorrow after my workout.
It's hard to put yourself out there, but that's the best way to make new friends.
As for finding that special someone, the advice above is pretty good, and putting yourself out there can help you find a partner as well.
I'm Doing Really Well, But...
I spent the bulk of my young adulthood feeling lonely and miserable. It sucks when your relationships are misses, esp as you watch other people finally pair up with the people they think they want to spend the rest of their lives with. 
