I've been on the other side of this, actually. This makes me look like a really bad person but I feel I should be honest.

Back in the good old days where all I needed was to lose 20 or 30 or 40 pounds, that's exactly how I used to make myself feel better. I knew I needed to lose weight before it got out of control as it has now. But I never really did anything about it. I'd just say to myself, "I'll get to it. Eventually." And what kept me from getting started with my weight loss was me comparing myself to everyone. I would think, "Well, I'm not as heavy as that other girl there so I guess it's fine." I'd even ask my best friend to compare me with another girl who looked to be my weight. I'd ask, "Be honest. Who do you think is bigger? Me or her?"

As bad as that sounds, maybe the people who say that you're smaller now than they are initially thought the same thing. Maybe they were aware that they needed to lose weight but as long as they were smaller than some people, it was okay. If they are like how I used to be, it's really nothing but insecurity.

Thanks guys. I don’t know why I let this bother me so much today. I’ve tried to let go of my frustration over this today.



Witchy, You’re so right that the dynamics change when you lose weight. I have seen that happen in a couple of groups I'm in. Actually, I don’t particularly mind talking about what size I am, but not talking about it would avoid the comparison that we tend to do in our mind when that kind of talk comes up.


Schmoodle, I’m in similar relationship to you and your friend with my sister. She had gastric bypass surgery a couple of years ago, lost about 100 lbs, then started gaining most of it back. I don’t ever bring up clothing sizes or weight loss with her. Like you, I know that she’s happy for me, but I feel funny talking about it with her. And I do what you do, and try to decide if I’m larger or smaller than people. You’re right, it isn’t badly intentioned, it’s more a matter of trying to decide what I look like.



Purplefirefly, I like your comment of “Yes I’m smaller, but I sure have worked hard for it.” I’m not a particularly confrontational person and I don’t really want a snappy comment, even though I asked if anyone had one. I think maybe it was a lightbulb moment for each of these people. Maybe they just realized in that moment what they looked liked, like Schmoodle mentioned above. I’ve never really thought I was particularly sensitive about weight comments but for some crazy reason, these did really bother me.

Thanks so much! It helps when others can give you a different way of looking at things.

Heather, I’m finally starting to get used to the idea that I’m smaller than some other people, I guess I didn’t realize that it would take other people time to get used to it also. I just assumed they would get used to it in real-time.

Robin41, LOL, I don’t see myself saying this to anyone, but I’m SURE it makes them think about what they’ve said. They probably don’t make that mistake again!

Yep, I've done this too. At my highest weight, I was almost surely the biggest person in the room. I still do it, just because it's interesting to see that I'm never the biggest person in the room anymore.

Yeah, and I never really know what to say to that either. I usually make some response like "Oh no, you look good" regardless of how they look.

Thanks!

OMG, Did she really?

Yes, you're right. Good thought.


I don't think that makes you look like a bad person at all. In fact, you sound shockingly normal. It sounds like many many of us are guilty of comparing our weight to others around us.


Thanks again everyone. It does help to get different views on this. I guess I just let this final comment this morning irritate me more than neccesary. I'm over it now. Thanks for the opportunity to rant about it.

I'm glad you did rant about it! I like the opportunity to think through situations in a different way, too!

Hmm maybe look at it as you're inspiring others? I guess I tend not to let that kind of thing bother me, I'll just be happy when I'm smaller and healthier and if that makes someone else want to do the same, well...good.

I have to say that you are more than entitled to be upset at these responses and now I have a question for YOU!
I have noticed that as I lose, people comment in such a way that actually embarasses me! Like I was such a fat grossy that they could hardly stand it! Then I start to think, no one said a word to me at ALL before, am I only liked for how I look? Totally messes with your head (or at least mine) and makes me feel like all I am "worth" is how thin I am or how small of a size I can get into. The thing that REALLY freaks me is I still have a ways to go.... when I DO get to my final goal what will they say?
DarlaLOU

I understand - my dear SIL (who I love like a sister) said to me..."Oh God, now I'll be the fat one." I know she didn't mean it in a bad or mean way. I know it was her showing her insecurities and sadness at gaining 60 pounds since her husband died. Yet...it still made me think twice.

I don't think folks know what they say and that it can be hurtful or rude or nosey.

In general, people don't like change....and your change seems to influence their own little world, their little paradigm and their place in it. It is soooooo very much their problem, and not yours, but I do understand how it can be hurtful to you.

Congratulations on your amazing accomplishments. :-)

I've had this happen over the last 16 months as well. It hurts when people say these things, and they seem to have lost all the manners their mothers taught them. The only person I actually "called on the carpet" about it was my own Mom, and I got an earful for it. The only words of wisdom, if you can call it that, is this: For years, whether you've known it or not, you've been the yardstick. You've been the one that others compare themselves to. I may be heavy, but I'm smaller than so-n-so. It's a shock to their systems, and I have to admit that it was a hurtful reality check to myself as well when realized that I was that yardstick. It will get better. Those people who say awful things really don't think they're being nasty, they just don't think period. Hold you head up, you've worked hard for it!

GOOD ONE!!! Ill have to remember that!

ONe of my Gfs who is a sweet lady and lives far away right now said to me once OMG You're goign to be smaller than me (In a blew her mind kind of voice) All I said was "Yeah I probably will"
IF I'm the old yardstick I think I'll break it over my knee. Yardstick this!

"Yardstick this!"

This thread just proves that people DO NOT THINK before they open their big mouths regarding another person's weight.

And really...they're not concerned about your weight loss, but how people will perceive THEM now that they are not the fattest one.

People are basically selfish beasts.

It's jealousy, plan and simple. For some physiological reason a large segment of women want to be the smallest woman in the room. Like if they are smaller than everyone else they win. They want to be the smallest amongst their friends, coworkers and family. It's like a great deal of us have been programmed to think that way. When some women are not the smallest in the room they become jealous and competitive. Not all women, but a good amount. It's almost a type of jealousy that's not personal if you can make sense of that. What I mean is that it could be any other women and they still would want to be smaller than them.