Thread Tools
Old 12-05-2007, 01:22 PM   #1  
baby steps
Thread Starter
xtrisaratops's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 316

S/C/G: 285/285/healthy!

Height: 5'9"

Default Where I've Been and Why I'm Back

I'm sure that least a few of you have noticed my absence from the forum over the several weeks, and I wanted to sort of address that.

Sometimes life has a way of kicking you down when you'd just finally gotten yourself back up where you wanted to be. Things were going smoothly, and then I got a phone call from my grandmother in the middle of the night. My grandfather, who will be 80 later this month, had a heart attack in the shower, which resulted in a fall, breaking his neck and his knee.

He was Care-Flighted to a bigger hospital, and he almost didn't survive the ride. After open-heart surgery and a Pace-Maker, they had to address the issue of the neck and knee injuries. Now, my grandmother had a botched knee replacement about 10 years ago, and isn't in the best health either. They are both very overweight, and have other health problems.

My grandmother couldn't really handle him by herself, so that left me to pick up some of the slack. Now, I love my grandfather dearly, but driving 35 miles one direction before having to turn around and drive 2 hours the OTHER direction to get to class 2 days a week really took a toll on me, as it would most people.

An addiction that I thought I had under control reared it's ugly head, and it was a battle to keep myself from just giving in and taking the easy way out. I can admit openly now that is has been 378 since my last line of cocaine.

On my one-year anniversary, I broke down and got a tattoo to commemorate where I've been over the past year. When I was in rehab, we were allowed to choose ONE song and only one song to listen to, and it was what they dubbed our rehab song. Mine was "Walk on Water or Drown" by Mayday Parade, and there is a line in the song that I now try to live by; "tell me goodnight and let it go."

Sometimes, we just have to put things to bed, tell them goodnight and let them go; whether it's forever or just until we're at a better place to address them, it's something I live by now. And those lyrics are now etched into my skin forever.

I'm sure some of you remember my post in which I was very down because I had the opportunity to go and see Mayday Parade live, but I backed down because I didn't want to be "the fat girl". On December 1st, I saw them live, and met the band afterwards. Showed them my tattoo, got autographs and pictures, hung out with them for over 2 hours, and it was something that will stick with me for a long time.

I've made a lot of decisions in the past month or so, one of the biggest being to put college on hold temporarily to pursue other avenues. Ever since I was little, I've wanted to be in the music industry, and now I feel like I need to pursue it while I have the chance. Whether it's PR or booking or just running a merch stand, it's what I feel like I NEED to do right now.

This isn't about a number or a size anymore; this is about life, the one I have now and the one I will have after all is said and done. I don't want to have the perfect body, I just want to be healthy and happy and comfortable in my own skin. I don't know how much weight I've put back on, and honestly, I don't really care to know. From this point forward, it's not about calories or carbs, not for the moment, at least. It's about better choices, about one meal being better than the last, about today being better than yesterday, and tomorrow being better than today.

Before, I was the same person trying to make changes; now, I'm a different, changed person who is starting life over again, with a clean slate and a clear head.

I'm not back because I need to be; I'm back because I want to be, and that's one of the things I think has changed the most. I'm back here because, even though I was only here a short time, I consider you guys my second family, and I look forward to and cherish all of the encouragement and help you beautiful people have to give.

I'm back because I want to do this, for myself, for my future husband who I haven't even met yet, for the children I always thought I never wanted but now have maybe changed my mind about.

I'm back because I want a better life, and I won't let anything stand in my way.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg 014-1.jpg (27.9 KB, 53 views)

Last edited by xtrisaratops; 12-05-2007 at 01:25 PM.
xtrisaratops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 01:44 PM   #2  
is recommitted
rakel's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 860

S/C/G: 338/see sig/150

Height: 5'6"


Welcome back Sara! It sounds like you've had a very rough time in your absence, but it looks like it has made you stronger and more aware of who you are and what you want to do, and that's okay. Sometimes we realize these things while we go through something physically or mentally challenging. Best of luck to you and I'm looking forward to seeing you around more often!
rakel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 02:39 PM   #3  
Just Yr Everyday Chick
JayEll's Avatar
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,512

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"


Sara, I wondered where you went! My gosh, what a long strange trip it's been!

Welcome back, and I wish you great good fortune in your music pursuits!

JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 03:06 PM   #4  
for your health!
punchthekeys's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 62

Height: 5'1"


aww, i knew a few of the mayday parade kids when they were in a defining moment - they stayed at my house a couple times when they were touring. brooks, cabbage (i think his name was jeremy?) and derek are definitely good kids who worked hard to get their music out to the world! they also know how NOT to mess up a house, which is good.
i think a good way to get started in the music scene is to work at a local club - usually they don't have much to pay you, but you can offer to work the door or do merch for free. or also find out if any bands need a street team in your area - you can pass out flyers and you usually get free tickets to the shows or free CDs. just starting out that way can give you a good foot in the door in the music industry!
you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and i hope everything goes well for you! good luck on your journey!
punchthekeys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 03:22 PM   #5  
baby steps
Thread Starter
xtrisaratops's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 316

S/C/G: 285/285/healthy!

Height: 5'9"


I love Cabbage!

And Derek. I took pictures with all of them the other night. They're definitely amazingly sweet people. (And I can't forget Jake...he's always been my favorite, even though he wasn't very friendly the other night, cause he's sick and such)

Haha, the "local" music scene is rather non-existant. Rural West Texas really doesn't have much to offer in the way of local talent.

But I'm going to do what I can and start small. I've worked merch before, and I really loved talking to people, so I'm sure I can find something along those lines.

Last edited by xtrisaratops; 12-05-2007 at 03:23 PM.
xtrisaratops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 03:28 PM   #6  
Senior Member
shelby897's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 1,853


Welcome back -- I hope your grandparents are doing well. You did an amazing job holding yourself together through such a trying time -- I hope your road goes smoother from now on Many, many people would have given into temptation during such a difficult time -- you should be very proud of yourself. And, I love the tattoo -- when I drop some serious weight, that's where I'm headed
shelby897 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 03:31 PM   #7  
baby steps
Thread Starter
xtrisaratops's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 316

S/C/G: 285/285/healthy!

Height: 5'9"


I was going to wait until I lost some weight to get the tattoo, but it just felt like the right time. And I'm hoping my feet won't do too much in the way of shrinking during the process.

And my grandparents are doing about as well as can be expected. They're both tired, and it's just kinda day to day. But then again, aren't we all?
xtrisaratops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 03:35 PM   #8  
Made of Starstuff
Lovely's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 8,731


There you are Sara! I have to admit you were posting frequently enough that when you stopped I was a little worried. (Hence the PM...)

I'm sorry to hear that now your grandfather is having problems. It's a lot on your shoulders.

I must say "WTG!" on your one-year anniversary. I can only imagine the struggle that must have been and continues to be for you. (And the tattoo came out very nice!)

I remember the post you made about not going to that concert, and after having this background, it made me even more sad. Never again. I'm so happy for you that you went to see them!!!!

Like you said, you are a new person now. You have chosen to be here, to make changes because you want to make them. To live your life instead of waiting for it to happen.

And if right now you want to enjoy selecting healthier things while becoming happier with yourself then all the more power to you!

And all the best to you in your new pursuits!!!! We only get to live this life once. Be proud to be taking advantage of it.

Welcome back.

PS - Your new picture is fantabulous! (How cute you are!)
Lovely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 06:23 PM   #9  
beautiful on the inside:P
kasmin's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Seoul, Korea
Posts: 274

S/C/G: 119 (262) /107 (235) /60 (132)

Height: 5'6''


Welcome back Sara. Though I haven't been posting for so long, I have missed your posts. They sort of resonated with me. It sounds like you really have come through a turning point in your life. That's pretty awesome. You must be a very courageous person.

How horrible for your grandfather (and grandmother having to deal with that out of the blue). I'm glad he and she are doing OK now.

Anyways I hope you keep us posted on your foray into the music business. How exciting!
kasmin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2007, 06:56 PM   #10  
baby steps
Thread Starter
xtrisaratops's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 316

S/C/G: 285/285/healthy!

Height: 5'9"


I wouldn't say that I'm courageous at all. If anything, it's more like the total opposite. But my battle with cocaine addiction taught me that the hardest things in life are the ones that change you the most, and mean the most. Things are scary right now, but I know they have to be done regardless of how terrified I am, and regardless of how uncertain things are.

Not much in life is easy, but some things are more satisfying than others.

Being healthy and good to myself is satisfying, even though it is far from simple or easy. That's just where I am right now, and as much as I'd like to be able to say I can plan this out and have a concrete game-plan, I'm just taking things day by day right now.
xtrisaratops is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2007, 09:21 PM   #11  
Former Quitter
GirlyGirlSebas's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 5,500

S/C/G: 310/310/180

Height: 5'7


Sara, I've missed you. So glad you decided to come back.
We all really need each other.
GirlyGirlSebas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 02:32 PM   #12  
Shairing her ESH...
Jen415's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Space Coast, Florida
Posts: 3,421

S/C/G: 350/321/TBD

Height: 5'6"


Sara, welcome back.....I just have to say that your post ROCKS!!

Good luck to you!
Jen415 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2007, 03:51 PM   #13  
Senior Member
kimmieone's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 436


Glad your back and much success in going after your dreams.
kimmieone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2007, 08:01 AM   #14  
Senior Member
mj5's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 2,690

S/C/G: 299/see ticker/140

Height: 5'4''


Sara--I am so glad you are back. You are an incredibly strong person. Congratulations on your anniversary and for your new outlook. I know you will be successful. Thank you for sharing, that couldn't have been easy.

I hope your grandparents continue to get stronger and healthier. They are lucky to have you.

I LOVE the tattoo!!!!!
mj5 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2007, 09:40 AM   #15  
Slimming down in San Fran
BerkshireGrl's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 983

S/C/G: 275/see sig/150

Height: 5'8"



I think you may want to consider writing for a music mag some day... Rolling Stone maybe? You've got talent with words
BerkshireGrl is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:28 PM.

We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.