Where I've been... (pinched nerve, miscarriage, what next)
Hey ladies! I've missed yall. I've had well. I've had a **** of a past two months for sure. I was out for Ramadhan because I was fasting and so busy going to community and social events. Then midway into the month I fell down the stairs got a pinched nerve and was in miserable pain for a week or two. It took awhile to get my back back well then I found out I was pregnant.
I was so shocked to be pregnant and then I thought wow I can't lose weight now and man I felt so stressed about it all. My plan has always been to loose the weight before I get pregnant again. My last pregnancy was physically draining although the birth and pregnancy was fine (no complications, successful home birth). I just couldn't log on to the site and see every ones weight loss while I was getting big.
Now I've had a miscarriage just now. I'm so emotionally drained and I've been binge eating off and on and going nuts. I've gained my weight loss back I'm sure of it. I did weigh in once a week ago and it was like 268 not terrible. I'm still taking it easy for the next week or so. Then I hope to be back in the gym. I'd love to exercise for the therapeutic benefits. I feel terrible for thinking bad about being pregnant again. Now I'm like fat or not I wish I hadn't lost the baby. Husband is sad but coping just fine. I'm okay now and then and other times upset. I want to see where I'm at in 6 months or a year and have another baby. I don't know if I'm speaking out emotions now or not. When I see pregnant women and babies I just feel sad again. I want to throw out my calendar cause I had all the weeks marked already.
I'm sorry to be putting this all out there like that. I know so many women have had miscarriages it just seems so difficult a thing. I don't have a body to bury or a picture or anything just thoughts and I guess that's what makes it more difficult. How do you mourn something you didn't really have? I don't know. I'm gonna stop now.
I missed yall though and all yalls support and encouragement.
I am so sorry to hear that you lost your baby. I just can't imagine that sadness. You have every right to mourn in any way that you see fit. Take good care of your body, you need it now more than ever.
I am sorry for your loss. Try and find a way to remember your baby and honor them in your own way. There is pregnancy loss jewelry you can find online, or you can write a journal or a letter to your child if you feel it would help you. I lost 2 babies and it does heal with time. Hugs going your way.
I am so sorry that this happened to you. When I lost my baby, I felt overwhelmed with guilt because, even though it was a planned pregnancy, I occasionally had mixed emotions about it. The guilt is not a constructive feeling at all, and it consumed me for way too long. Please find some way to get rid of it. I know that I eventually went for counseling. Lynn had some great suggestions, too. There are so many support groups on the internet for women who lose babies, and maybe you can find comfort there as well. And Trazey and Marseille are exactly right, too. You do have every right to grieve however you want. If coming here and writing about it helps in any way, please continue to do so.
This is so hard. You're right that many women go through it, but I've yet to meet one who didn't struggle through it. You are not alone.
Last edited by LaurieDawn; 10-26-2007 at 02:07 AM.
Wow, you've had a rough couple of months, haven't you? I really feel for you, it must be so tough to go through that. I hope you will be extra nice to yourself and take some time to mourn and feel sad. No need to apologize, no matter how many women go through this, it doesn't make it any easier for you.
It's been almost 15 years since I lost my baby. He/she would have been my first. I did get pregnant again, as soon as the doctor said it was okay, and I have an almost 14 year old son, whom I love dearly. I cannot imgaine what life would have been like without him, but if I had had the first baby, I would not have had him.
My first baby was due the beginning of September. In my mind, it was September 1st. Even now, every year on September 1st I think about that baby. Who would he or she have been. What he/she would have looked like. You never stop thinking about it, but time does ease the pain.
There are some good ideas mentioned above. You can also plant a tree in honor of the baby. Sometimes that is a good idea.
I am so very sorry for your loss. What a terrible thing to have happen. I can't even fathom it. I am sending good thoughts your way during this very difficult time. Please take care of and be kind to yourself.
It's a terrible thing to go through, no matter how many women have been through the same thing. I feel for you and understand the sadness you feel when you see other pregnant women.
You will be able to get past all of this, but until you do, just take care of yourself and do what you need to do to get through the days.
My baby would be 14 this Christmas had she been able to be born....I think of her every year. The pain does subside, but never completely goes away....
Where I've been... (pinched nerve, miscarriage, what next)
