Attitude Adjustment Desperately Needed (No cyber hugs, please)
(Warning: Long Post Ahead)
Hi y'all...I haven't posted alot in recent months (except lately). I've been a regular here for forever, it seems. Yet here I am--as fat as I was when I started.
I have been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs for the last year or so. I'll start off great, logging every bite and committing to daily exercise. This newfound energy lasts for a few weeks, then I get lazy and I'm right back to the same habits that has kept me trapped in this body.
WHY??? Why do I do this? What inside me is keeping me from succeeding?? What's it going to take to get my butt in gear and GET IT DONE?
Apparently not health issues...in spite of being diagnosed as pre-diabetic and having heart and breathing problems, I'm still stuffing myself. My old ways have creeped back up on me and are now taking over. I'm eating fast food almost daily, I'm bingeing on sugar in some form every day as well. And I feel bloated, fuzzy-headed, and absolutely disgusted with myself. About the only thing I'm doing positively is my dance lessons. At least I'm moving my body a little bit each week.
Honestly, I don't think alot of cyber hugs and hand-holding is going to work for me this time....I need some frank talk, a verbal azz kicking to get myself in line and back to doing what I know is right for my body and my health. This is the only body I get in this life, and I am treating it like trash!
I have so many awesome qualities--I'm a great friend/girlfriend, a fantastic singer, and have a great sense of humor. In spite of all of the good stuff, my weight has been one area in my life in which I have NEVER had long-term success.
So....let me hear it. Be as harsh and frank as you dare. I am hoping to read SOMETHING from someone that will CLICK in my head and get me to flip the switch from self-destruct to re-construct.
I don't know if this will help or not. What did it for me was watching my mom be diabetic in her 30's, overweight, pacemaker, hepatitic c, cirrhosis of the liver, a shunt, bleeding internally, kidneys not working and dead at 52.
My dad, diabetic, 65 and getting part of his foot cut off and dying from a heart attack the 2nd time they went to cut more off.
That woke me up quick!!!! It has been 2 years but I am down 70 pounds and working on the rest. I want to live long and healthy. Not die like that.
This is your life and you need to take care of it. YOU are in control! No one else!
Hey Jen, you have always been one of my favorite posters!
Look - you just can't expect that initial burst of enthusiasm to sustain your weight loss journey. You can NOT eat healthy by accident in this country - you just can't. So, you have to PLAN EVERY DAY to eat healthy. This means, finding recipes, going to the grocery store a lot, having healthy food on hands and at your fingertips every minute of the day. You need to make up big batches of healthy food for the times when you don't feel like cooking (or have to work too late).
You need to quit eating fast food - that **** is POISON, pure and simple. Find a healthy fast food substitute - Chipotle/Qdoba (naked bowls with lots of pico and romaine, black beans and salsa), sushi, salad bars at grocery stores, Subway (6 inch veggie on wheat, lots of mustard and vegetables), salmon bowl at a teriyaki place. Or better yet, make your lunch and carry it with you.
Reducing your processed sugar intake will make you feel better, I feel fabulous.
I'm not going to lie - eating fast food is EASIER than eating well. Eating well takes a lot of work. Produce goes bad, cooking takes time, packing lunches gets tedious. Sometimes, on Sundays I just don't want to go bag up my veggies for snacks. I tell myself TOUGH. I also don't like to floss, but I floss anyway. I don't like to pay bills, pump gas, clean the bathroom - but I do all of those things. Healthy eating is just one more thing that I just do. No excuses, no whining, I find recipes, I go to the store, I cook.
I do NOT eat fast food, chips, soda, packaged baked goods, most fried foods. For me, it made it easier just to put all those foods on a "no" list. I order the small sizes (tall non fat latte at Starbucks instead of the venti caramel with whip that I used to get). I split a single scoop of ice cream with a friend.
I used to eat nothing but junk all day. I started with a venti latte and a muffin, had pizza for lunch or a big 800 calorie sandwich, M&Ms (or yogurt pretzels), another venti latte, a pastry for a snack, Taco Bell for dinner. That was a typical day. I felt like crap, always tired. I can not tell you how good I feel now, it's like a hazy fog around me blew away.
I like you, so I will loan you my weight loss mantra - dripping water can eat through stone. I got this tattooed on my back to remind me of the 100s of little changes necessary every day to lose weight and keep it off.
It's hard work, but worth it. And after awhile, it's just habit and doesn't seem that hard anymore, it's just like flossing, something I just do. Make some plans, find some recipes, buy food, eat the food you plan. Reward yourself at the end of one week and then do it again. And again. And PM me if you want help or just someone to talk to.
Harsh and frank, huh. Hows this: Why do you need someone to kick your butt, when you're doing to it so well yourself?
Losing weight is probably one of the hardest things in the world to accomplish permanently. Surccess rates are difficult to determine, but all agree they "ain't so hot." If you've reached the classification of obese, you're chances of success, are slimmer than those of a heroine addict. If you've reached morbid obesity, and have been overweight since childhood, you have the smallest probability of success at all - maybe 1 or 2 percent.
My situation is similar to yours. I've been fighting with the same 2 lbs for about 26 months now. I am so close, and yet so far away from my goal of 350 lbs (not my long-term goal, just a tiny little goal, at which I have promised myself a MP3 player to use while exercising). I have lost "only" 40 lbs.
Still, those 40 lbs changed my life.
I can sleep much more comfortably. Not only has my sleep apnea disappeared so I am not chained to my bedstand at night, I can sleep on my back comfortably. My preferred position has always been semi-fetal, but it is a blessing not to role onto my back in my sleep, and wake up (even when I had the CPAP, struggling for breath with the feeling of someone sitting on my chest from lack of air). I can wash my hair in the shower, I can now shower standing, I can tie my shoes. I can enjoy shopping again, and not just stores that are under 1000 feet, I shop Walmart the whole store without the assistance of an electric carts, or even a cane. I bought a bicycle! And am riding it! To the park several blocks away. When I bought the darned thing, I could only circle the parking lot (a small parking lot) twice.
Not all of those things were accomplished after the first 40 lbs. Some of those were accomplished during this plateau. In fact, about half of them. So, if I accuse myself of no progress during that time, I'm dismissing hard work, and success.
Every time I think "Jeez, 40 lbs is nothing, I have so far to go, and I'm not making any progress, why am I bothering to work so hard," I have to remind myself that I'm already beating the odds. I've lost SOME weight and kept it off for more than 2 years. I have never in my life been able to lose any weight that I was able to keep off that long.
That being said, I realized that I had and was able to use the skills to maintain this weight, but I might need new skills to start losing again. I went to a free consultation for a 15 month program including weekly meetings, 3 sessions with a dietician, and monthly visits with the doctor running the program (she has lost almost 100 lbs herself). As it is, my insurance will not cover the $2500 program fee, and we can't afford it, however the meeting was still truly helpful. I have said to many doctors that if I didn't have TOM, I could lose weight. I can lose 3 weeks every month (and in fact, even if I don't diet, I usually at least don't gain), but that 1 week, I undo any progress I made and often gain a few to boot. And I'm not even counting the 10 lbs of water weight I put on, even if I manage somehow to stick to my food plan. I even asked about reducing the number and length of periods, but the doctors advised against it.
The doctor running the weight management clinic, was probably the first doctor I ever met (including a "diet doctor" I went to in my 20's) who talked about individualized treatment. Instead of a one-size-fits-all approach, she talked about the different techniques and treatments they have recommended for people, and that we would have to experiment to see what works. She also told me it was perfectly safe to eliminate or shorten my periods, and I should try it. She also recommended trying reduced carb dieting, first switching to whole grains, and if I still wasn't losing, reducing carbs overall until I hit a level of carbs I could lose at.
These techniques are working for me, but it's still terribly easy to relapse. I don't think I or you, for that matter, need a kick in the pants, or harsh words, or to stand in the corner with the big pointy hat - we need to acknowledge our progress and keep working. And if something isn't working - try something new. If boredom contributes to lapses and relapses, try something new just for the heck of it.
Let's be frank and honest. We all struggle. It is inevitable with anything that challenges your mind and body. Weightloss is less about being motivated and more about being commiteed. If you really want it bad enough it will happen.. if not then it won't. Look at the reasons why you are doing this? What are your reasons for wanting to lose weight? Looks?/ Health? Truly analyze it. Motivation may get your butt off the couch but it won't sustain you the entire time. You have to make a daily conscious decision to be proactive with your health and happiness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jen415
(Warning: Long Post Ahead)
My old ways have creeped back up on me and are now taking over.
--To me, no offense but you wanted honesty, this sounds like you are playing the victim role. I know this because I have done so myself. Your old ways have not crept up on you. They are not taking over. Saying so puts you in a position of powerlessness. It's like saying you had no control. No power to put down the fast food/ candybar/ etc. That's not true. It can be exruciating and you may not always see it, but there is always a choice.
Repeat to yourself, "You always have a choice." You do. Do not let your emotions rule your life... You have to make a choice to make a stand for yourself. You are worth it!
I too have been around for awhile - big production about starting a diet, going to the gym, sticking to it! After a couple of weeks the enthusiasm is gone and the struggle begins. This time, I didnt go cold turkey. I started with the gym a few days a week and am slowly eliminating all of the bad things from my diet - my passion for chocolate being the hardest to give up. Luckily one miniature gets me over the hump. Yesterday I stood outside the gym trying to convince myself to go in when all I really wanted to do was go home. The guy at the desk saw me standing there, came out and said "you're already here, you may as well come in." Just the push I needed! Its the small successes that can make the most difference!
I didn't mean 2 lbs, (I guess I was thinking years again), I meant the same 10 to 15 lbs.
Jen's specific suggestions are fantastic. The best advice I ever got was that will-power is mostly myth - exert self-control at the grocery store, so you didn't have to exert it at home, at work, or in the car. I agree that carbs, especially sugar and refined flours set off a chain of cravings in me that are very hard to control.
True-- it is easier to resist if it is not in your fridge. Avoiding buying food in the first place is a great choice. You can survive the grocery store several ways.
Try to eat a healthy snack ahead so your stomach isn’t empty. Chew on minty gum while shopping. Or if you are really motivated grab one of those little maps of your local grocery store. Many stores have maps with the aisles/ departments and what they contain. Try and plan your shopping trip ahead. Organize your shopping list by aisle, department. Then map your route through the store and try to avoid tempting areas like the candy aisle, chip aisle, the bakery…
The best advice I ever got was "you'll make the change,when living the way you are becomes harder than making the change". This was from my brother and it was intended for me when wanting out of a bad marriage, but it totally 100% applies to wt. loss too.
You got some great advice , here is my things to add.
I was here twice, once years ago when this site was fairly new, and only stayed with it a month? or two? came back last year around April lost 19 lbs, stopped coming and gained the 19 back plus more than 10 pds more. I have had this weight creeping up on me since 1990 after my Son was born, I would try and loose some, loose it and stop what I was doing and then gain it back again. I am scared that I am going to do this again, and just gain the 38 lbs I lost back again, yes. Why is it working I ask myself this almost everyday, I guess I give myself a pep talk, so I wont get off track. I don't know about anyone else but I know I have alot more to loose, but I like myself much more than I did 38 lbs ago. I hated to look in the mirror, I hated to get out of bed, the one time my husband said I was eating too much, I said :" who cares, maybe I will die faster",
I look back at this, and really feel sad for who I was back then, I messed up my body, and my children's life.
38 lbs lighter, I am happier, I have more energy, I look at this way, I can't stop this, because I don't want to go back to 279 lbs, I want to live until I am an old lady and I can't do no more.
So I believe you can do this!! But the choice is yours , it is hard, everyday I have to fight to be able to get up on my elliptical and exercise, but it is worth it. Is it worth it to you?? Canyou answer that ?
So when you are ready , get your butt up and please come back and post .
cheryl
I fight the same struggles. Seems like we just arent really figuring out what the eating satisfies within us. I've always thought that trying to delve into my "feelings" about overeating was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo....all I need to do is quit whining and just do it, right? Of course, that initial inertia soon runs out and I'm right back where I started...frustrated as h$%%! I'm realizing that I have to deal with my underlying issues as well as eating on-plan, exercising, etc. Therefore, I'm recommending a couple of books...yeah, I know...you've probably read every diet book written (havent we all?!) but, give this a try. The books I recommend are "You: On A Diet" and Dr. Phil's "Ultimate Weight Solution." Take your time and read them slowly...there really is a lot of good information about why we overeat and why we struggle over and over again to lose the weight without positive results. I also recommend starting a journal. We hear it all the time, but it really does make a difference. I resisted for a long time....who has time for this, anyway!....but, it has made all of the difference this time.
I really wish you well, Jen. This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life....that includes bootcamp, living out of country by myself and quitting a 25 year pack-a-day smoking habit and menopause! But, I do really believe that each of us has what it takes....deep down inside...to win this battle.
WHY??? Why do I do this? What inside me is keeping me from succeeding?? What's it going to take to get my butt in gear and GET IT DONE?
QUOTE]
This is what I would explore. Why are you reaching for food? What are you avoiding? What are you substituting food for?
I lost 20 pounds last year, for the first time in 13 years. Then my "best friend" quit speaking to me. So I quit, gave up and ate because I couldn't talk to her. I felt alone, unwanted and felt un-worthy. I had no friends and didn't want to make any. I used my fat as an excuse. Nobody wants to be my friend because I'm fat. Then I realized I was afraid that it was ME and not my fat that I was afraid of. What if I was thin and still had no friends. What if I was thin and men still didn't look at me. I addressed these fears and quit using food to hide from them. Slowly, but surely, I am beating these fears, and the food cravings lessen.
If you want to succeed, then do some soul searching. I cannot stand confrontation, so I internalize my negative feelings. I found that blogging helps me get rid of them. Find what works for you. Quit using food as an excuse. No amount of chocolate, sugar, sweets or snacks is going to make you feel better. Those foods will not make your problems go away, but they will increase them. Healthy foods will make your body feel better. They will make you physically stronger. Its up to you to confront the emotional issues. Or whatever the problem is that you are using food to mask. It might not be fun or easy, but your health depends on it. And once you do so, you won't need to feed the problem. Ultimately, you have control over what you eat. Its your choice to eat the problem into submission or face it, and conquer it.
You've had people offer an ear or a shoulder to lean on with a private message. You can add me to that list.
I once found myself in a position, over the course of my weight loss journey, where I had to ask myself:
"why do I sabotage myself? Why is it that allow myself to backslide into old habits that I KNOW are going to wreck my effort, undermine my determination, and ultimately stop the weight loss?"
You KNOW weight loss isn't going to be easy.
You KNOW exactly what fast food and other "junk" can do to your body
You KNOW that you CAN reach your goal weight
Now what you need to find out is WHY
why do you want to lose the weight?
are you really willing to invest a lifetime to have a healthier body?
Is there something that scares you about losing the weight?
There were a lot of things that terrified me about losing my weight
I could no longer hide inside my fat. By losing the weight I lost my excuse for not having a job and not going back to school. When people saw the results, and took notice of my self determination, The expectations began to rain down on me like little lead raindrops - a thousand at a time. That was scary, frustrating, and wonderful all at once.
Please take some time to figure out you goals.
175 pounds worked off and kept away for nearly 2 years (thank you WW)
I wont say "lost" anymore. We all know how hard we work to get rid of just one pound.
It's harsh you want huh? Hmmm. How to proceed? How to proceed?
Jen, for me it was just about being sick and tired enough of being morbidly obese. Sick and tired enough of settling for second best when first was well within my reach. Sick and tired enough of watching everyone enjoy life as I sat there utterly miserable and inactive. When the pain of being morbidly obese outweighs the pleasure from the food, that's when a change can occur.
It's a decision one has to make. To live a healthier, happier, more productive and active life. Realizing that life has got to change. That the fast food (never my thing by the way), the ice cream, the fried foods, the junk, the enormous quantities of bad food had to stop. It couldn't be in my life anymore if I wanted to indeed have a life. I couldn't have it both ways. You just can't have all the food AND be fit and healthy. I realized that I would have to give it up.
It was in fact the best decision I have ever made. I knew being thin would feel good, but I hadn't a clue it would be this unbelivably MARVELOUS. Like Glory said it's work. But work I thoroughly enjoy. Work that is so incredibly worth it. It has become my hobby so to speak and I couldn't be more thrilled. People have all sorts of hobbies - well mine is eating well and exercising. Another thing I needed to face up to by the way - exercise. I knew I stood the best chance of llongterm success if I added in exercise. So, it really is about changing ones life. For the better, of course.
Looking back, what really have I given up - some food. Food. Stuff that made me totally MISERABLE. I still eat and often, but nothing like I used to and it is such a relief to be away from all that food. And I truly LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the foods I am eating now.
I think it's real important to set yourself some STRICT, very STRICT rules and follow them. Before you know it they will become second nature and won't seem so restrictive. At all.
Bad habits can be elminated and replaced with good ones. I was the world's worst eater. Nothing I can tell you would make you know just how horrible I was. I have done a complete one-eighty. It's possible. It's really and truly possible - know that.
Once I made that[B]decision[/B, to lose the weight and never be fat again, I got excited. Real excited. I knew that the end of my misery was near. Every time I said no to some tempting foods, I knew I was one step closer to ending that misery. I was excited. I wanted so very badly to succeed at this. I wanted so very much to feel good, look good and end my endless misery. I was so sick of all the added worries that being morbidly obese brught on. I have never once looked at this as depravation. I looked at this at I deserve this in the worst way. I am not depriving myself of some food - I am GAINING a much better and happier life. Losing weight IS doable. It IS within our control. I know this sound cliche, but if I could do it - I promise, promise, PROMISE you - ANYONE can.
So make that decision, make that commitment and then get excited. Because it's exciting. Living a better life IS exciting. Giving yourself a chance at better health and a better life IS exciting. Switch that so called love of food and turn it into a positive. Experiment with new foods, make a plan. Rid your home of all the junk, add in healthy nutritious foods. Get into it. You deserve this and and you should have this and most importantly - you CAN do this, so why not? Why live with all the added burdens of being morbidly obese when you don't have to? Why be able to shop in 3 stores when you can shop in hundreds? Why be out of breath walking up a flight of stairs if you don't need to be? Why put yourself at risk for so many dreaded diseases when it's not necessary? Why feel like crap all the time when you don't have to?
Good luck to you Jen. You have my full support and I'm sure everyone here at 3FC's as well.
For me, I'm never able to lose weight when I feel bad about myself. I know alot of people say lose weight and you'll feel better about yourself, and losing weight does give me more confidendence, gives me that warm sense of accomplishment, but I also can't seem to lose weight UNLESS I feel good about myself. I guess I just don't see the point, when I'm feeling worthless.
Looking at weight loss as a way to pamper myself BECAUSE I'm a great person who deserves it, works better than kicking mysef for being stupid, lazy... I think of bringing the weight loss spa to me. I go to farmer's markets to buy the really good produce, even if it costs a bit more. I keep a list of "indulgent" recipes that are on plan. My absolute favorite indulgence is a 70 calorie virgin strawberry daquiri (just frozen unsweetened strawberries and mountain dew whirred up in the blender until smooth and slushy...) or a snow cone (I bought an electric ice shaver) made with shaved ice and diet drink mix (I use one of those singles packets in about 1/4 cup of water for the syrup). Shrimp cocktails - love those.
I think we associate diet and exercise so much with deprivation and work or even pain that no one in their right mind would want to sign up for that. I think if you have a lot of weight to lose, "boot camp" doesn't cut it for the long haul. Finding a way to make healthy habits fun instead of punishing makes it a lot easier to maintain them.
Attitude Adjustment Desperately Needed (No cyber hugs, please)
