So, I'm in Walmart and I run into my Dad who tells me that he and his new wife are leaving on vacation on Sunday and will be gone for two weeks. We close on the sale of our house on the 30th and leave for Georgia immediately. He won't be back until the day before we leave. I'm so hurt and I can't stop crying. For Pete's sake...I'm 42 years old! I just cant believe that he doesnt want to spend time with me or my girls before we leave. I ate the stupid cookies that I bought my girls. And, no, they didnt make me feel better at all.

Thanks 100lb club for letting me cry on your shoulders. My hubby doesnt understand why its a big deal....he says that Dad has been distant since Mom passed and I should be used to it. Can a person ever get used to this?

That's too bad about your Dad. I am sure you would have liked a little support during this time and to feel that he was a little sad that you are moving further away. I'm sorry!!
Darn cookies!!!! They really aren't helpful, are they?
But, you've been doing good, so don't beat yourself up. You'll get back on track tomorrow. Don't give into any more cookies, but let yourself have your sad time today and then feel better tomorrow!

Rhonda, I'm sorry about your dad. I find that unfortunately I am often disappointed in people. I don't know if it's that I hold them up to too high of a standard (although I don't think so) or what. But I've come to realize that people will sometimes disappoint us, especially the ones we hold dearest to us and when we need them the most. And then of course, luckily more often then not (hopefully at least) they will bounce right back and do something grand. But no, it never, ever feels good to be let down.

Now how can I say this? Into every life some cookies will fall. That's just the way it is. Cookies and the such are going to do us in every now and then. You have made AMAZING progress and will CONTINUE to do so. You can't let one incident set you back. You must, must move on. It's not the end of the world. Don't even wait til tomorrow. Pretend those cookies never even happened. Go on with your regular planned dinner. Cookies? What cookies? They're HISTORY!!! Old news. Remeber - YOU ARE NOT A QUITTER. You're not. You're just like the rest of us - a work in progress.

So you ate the cookies and the world didn't stop spinning! In fact, I don't think I even felt it slow down! You recognize that you were eating for emotional reasons and you don't want to. That's good. Now don't beat yourself up for doing it...get right back on plan. You can do this!

(PS...just a thought...is it possible your dad chose to vacation at this time so he doesn't have to watch you all packing up and readying to leave? Maybe this is more difficult on him than you realize and he's removing himself from it. I don't know but I would guess it's a possibility.)

I'm sorry that you're feeling sad that your dad chose to go on vacation instead of spending the time with you and your family. You didn't say - is it possible that maybe this vacation had been planned before you sold your house? And then again, I come from a disfunctional family where everyone has to worry about what will tip the boat with their individual family/spouse and there is a lot of "well, I have to live with this person, so I have to do what they want even though I'd rather do this..." Hopefully you Dad will get a chance to come visit you up here in Georgia soon!

Now the cookies are gone and you can't focus on them any longer. Back on program you go!

Don't beat yourself up over this, you ate the cookies once and tomorrow is a new day. You will do better tomorrow!!!
Have you tried sitting down with your dad telling him what you are feeling? It may help you , and if he doesn't learn from it at least you know that you tried.
Cheryl

Rhonda, I'm so sorry about your dad. Moving is stressful enough but when you add people disappointing you to the mix, it's gotta be really tough. Like Robin, I'm disappointed in people very often.. but something I've learned that has helped me is that whether or not i hold people to "too high" standards, eating is not going to make my expectations or disappointments any less.

I do wish you comfort in your situation, but I'm glad that the cookies didn't provide it for you. you're doing SO WELL, plugging away at this, throughout all the stress and everything going on in your life.. I am proud of you! Hang in there, chica, and hold your chin up.. this is a new chapter of your life in more ways than one! We're here for ya, girl.

Rhonda,

I just wanted to send you big hugs, sweetie! I've drowned my sorrows in cookies/anything chocolate many times. I know beforehand it won't fix the problem-I just wanted to eat them!

I could make a huge list of things my parents have done to disappoint me...my father passed away in 1995. My mom is totally self centered, and neither of my two sisters are speaking to her any longer, and she can't understand why. I don't bother with a formal declaration to her because she's 72 and will not change.

Hugs,
Sherry

Oh, Rhonda...I'm sorry about your Dad. I don't know about you, but when something like that involves my daughter, it hits me hard. I can go months without seeing my in-laws (it's really better that way!), but when they stood my little one up at Grandparent's Day, I was ready to scream!! My mom (who happens to be a therapist - hee, hee, hee) usually reminds me that we cannot project our rational way of thinking onto other people who may not think the same way. That gets me through sticky situations with my in-laws when they do something that I perceive as mind-blowingly insensitive - maybe it'll help you.

Go spend some mom-daughter time with your girls...a guaranteed pick-me-up!

~Laura

p.s. Notice I didn't even mention the *^@(%( cookies...ancient history!!!

Rhonda

I understand, I have a Dad with a new wife situation too. It definitely gets a little sticky sometimes. I finally got the nerve up to talk to my Dad recently and believe it or not it definitely helped. He honestly did not realize what he had been doing. I can't say I have ever done the cookie thing - but I will admit to doing some serious damage to brownies one time (I even prepared them just for that reason.) Don't be too hard on yourself - you have done so much, don't let the cookie thing get to you.

Take care of yourself!

A big hug........the girls coverd what i would have said......be strong!!!!

I am often disappointed in people too. My Dad passed in 2003 but he and I never really got along--he often did things like that to me as well. Its never wrong to feel hurt and cry over something, because truthfully, you feel the way you do for a reason. You will also work through it and be able to dust yourself off and get back on the horse. Emotional eating never helps, but it is also one of the hardest habits to brake. I know all about that. I hope you feel better! We're here for ya!

My Dad constantly does things like that. He has a new wife and a new family. Well...20 years ago they were new. Has he missed a single soccer game, piano recital, BUTT WIPING with his "new" grandchildren? Oh you better believe he did not! Did he manage to make it to any of mine and my brother's girls' FIRST birthdays, Christmas', Easters'? You better believe did not!

You seem like a Daddy's Girl. I was too. I've cried more times than I can count over his callous behavior and could keep Wal-Mart in business by my donut hole consumption alone. So I'm right there rowing that boat with you.

We never get over our Daddy's being putzs...even after 20 years of the behavior. It does get easier. The heartbreaks become mere scratches. The scratches become light bruises until one day you feel sorry for him that he's missing such unbelievably COOL people.