Well, I just thought I would tell you about myself and give you some idea where I'm coming from. I'll try not to let this get too long and boring.
I was born with asthma, and a tendancy to get tonsilitis so my tonsils were perpetually swollen and irritated. I had a really tough time eating when I was a child because I had to gulp everything to get it down. Not pleasant. Also my stomach was often irritated, and so I didn't eat a lot and was very thin. When I was ten years old I got my tonsils removed, and didn't eat much of anything for two weeks, then I got pneumonia and had to go back in to the hospital. When I was weighed in I was 60 lbs (I was about 4' 9"-10", way too skinny). I had lost 15 lbs in the two weeks since I had my tonsils out. A huge ammount of weight for a ten year old. Anyway, I soon healed and something amazing happened. I could eat normally, and because my stomach wasn't hurting I actually felt like eating. Well, that combined with a growth spurt, I gained quite a bit of weight.
When I entered 5th grade I was 5 foot tall and weighed 103 lbs. Not bad right? Well according to my father I was disgustingly fat, and he wouldn't be seen with me if I continued to get bigger. I was mortified. I had never been big before, and I thought it was the end of the world. But being chunky wasn't what hurt, it was discovering that my father's love wasn't unconditional. I had to look a certain way to be worthy, and that destroyed me. All through my teens I tried desperately to lose weight. Starving myself, trying every diet I could find, but alas my cravings always won out. I was a teenager after all, and they're pretty much eating machines. I look back now and realize that I wasn't fat, only chubby, but I felt huge, and people telling me I was fat didn't help. I wish I knew then what I know now...
I am prone to depression, and that along with having to take steroids when I have a bad asthma attack which make me gain anywhere from 10 to 20 lbs. depending on how strong the meds are and how long I have to take them, I just got bigger in my 20s and would try but ultimately fail at weight loss. When I was 24 I lost 70 lbs, and then my Grandmother died, and a bunch of other stuff happened and I gained it all back plus some. Then when I was 33 my father died, and left a lot of unfinished business. I had to struggle with that, and so when I stepped on the scales in May of 2003 I weighed an all time high of 297 lbs. I was absolutely sick. I couldn't believe that I was just 3lbs. away from the 300s. I decided then and there that I would do something about it. I started off going to the mall to walk. I walked 15 minutes a day six days a week, gradually building up time. After two months I has lost 30 lbs! I was so happy, but I wanted more so I joined a gym. It was great, and had everything you could want or need, and so I started working out there 6 days a week, and by January of 2004 I was down to 197! I was amazed, and so happy. There was a problem though, I hit a plateau, and didn't lose any more weight for months.
I moved to California in 2004, and moved into a house on top of a mountain (6300 feet up) and because of the weather and the fact that getting into town is a major undertaking it's hard for me to exercise so I have regained 53 lbs, but I am now here again and wanting to keep motivated. The weather is getting nice and I will be able to walk on the road without freezing or slipping and hurting myself so I should be able to stay on track.
The differnce between now and 4 years ago is I have a beautiful man who adores me and who thinks I'm gorgeous no matter what I weigh. He totally supports me in my weight loss and says that he wants me to be happy. This is a feeling that is so new to me, and I love it.
Anyway, I just wanted everyone to know where I'm coming from and hopefully my story will be of help to some of you as well. Sorry, this post is longer than I thought it would be.
Welcome, Sorry you had such a tough time as a kid. I guess we all have stories to tell and that makes us who we are. I'm glad you found 3fatchicks. This is a great group of people. I rediscovered this site back in January and haven't left it since. I will never go on a diet again and I'm eating healthy, exercising and counting my calories. I'm never hungry and I love how I feel. I hope you have found something that you love and can stick to for the rest of your life. I truly believe the only way to a healthy body is a lifelong committment. I wish you the best.
Thank you. I wish it had been easier, but it wasn't and so now I try to take strength from getting through all of that and suviving. Unfortunately many people don't. I figure, I'm here, I'm alive, and I have endless opportunities, and choices. I just have to go for them.
Welcome!!! I read your posts backwards I think, but thought I'd respond to this one too. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you find the support you need here, it really makes a BIG difference.
It is a big, big BIG help to have someone in your life who loves you unconditionally, especially if you didn't feel you had that as a child. It helps me a ton to know that my gf met me when I was fat (well, I still am but you know what I mean) and still liked me... for a long time, I would hve *never* thought that possible.
My Long Journey (so far).
