Someone, I think in a maintainers thread, has said she feels better now thin and ill than she did fat and healthy. It's an interesting concept but didn't completely resonate with me. Being sick feels super crappy! whereas being fat is mainly a whole bunch of annoying and depressing inconveniences.
About a week ago, an evil supersmart cold virus invaded my head and the bugger is still with me. As such, I've had an opportunity to put a more mild comparison to real-life testing.
Do I feel better at 323 pounds and healthy or 289 pounds (-4 lbs water or muscle [sob] weight from the cold) and sick? Let's compare:
289 pounds and sick —
I have a terrible cold.
I'm exhausted all the time.
So much so that I've taken some afternoon naps (stopped that habit right quick though, when I realized it just made me feel worse having all the snot pool in my head).
The exhaustion in part stems from the fact that I'm sleeping horribly. No amount of drugs seems to clear my nasal passages for any length of time, so I wind up mouth-breathing and tossing and turning.
I'm not eating what I think is best for me all the time. Rather than the tuna sandwich I feel would be "better for my body" I've had pb&j instead a few times. I made a frozen pizza last Sunday because it sounded comforting.
My body is achy, my head is a painful mess of sore throat, ear canal pain, watery orifices and mucus like you wouldn't believe.
My house is slowly becoming messy. I just don't feel like vacuuming and stuff, though I'm managing to keep the kitchen presentable.
I'm not happy. I'm crabby and snippy.
I'm also becoming prone to depressed thoughts and mindset. I found out today that a job I thought I had coming up (a $3k job mind you) was cancelled. I felt, still feeling, despair that I can't cut it, that I need to find different work, or go back to school, oh but I'll fail or I won't like it and why do I have to do it anyway whine whine.
People treat me as if I have the plague. I don't blame them. I would too.
323 pounds and healthy —
I have a stellar health record. I have amazing blood sugar. The blood donation ladies swoon over my perfect blood pressure. However, I'm about to have a huge wakeup call in the form of a gallstone scare. It will turn out I don't have them but the pain and the knowledge that "fat" is one of the major predictors of gallstones will jolt me.
I'm tired all the time.
So much so that I take afternoon naps regularly. They don't help. At all.
The exhaustion in part stems from the fact that I'm sleeping horribly. I've always snored and I'm pretty sure at this weight I have sleep apnea. I toss and turn all night. 34 pounds lighter, I know I still don't sleep as well as I should, but it's better
I'm not eating what's best for me like, ever.
My body is achy whenever I am on my feet more than five minutes. I take breaks while washing dishes. When I go to the store, my back complains after a few minutes of walking or standing. I tire walking down my long driveway to the mailbox. I can't get much done not only from the tiredness, but also because I've let my core muscles become so very atrophied that they rebel at simply holding me up. 34 pounds later my muscles never complain at basic tasks and I look forward to building up endurance as spring comes and I get to work outside.
My house is a mess. Not only am I too tired and too out of shape to clean for long, I can't seem to muster the motivation.
I'm not happy. I'm crabby and snippy.
I know that inside, I'm a happy person, but I can't seem to break through the constant sense of malaise that fogs my brain. It's very difficult to hold a normal conversation. I think my mind is muddled mainly from malnutrition; I have a horrible diet. The mere thought of attempting to overcome any obstacle sends me into a morose tailspin.
People don't exactly treat me as if I have the plague. They generally don't treat me "as if" anything, because I'm invisible. If they acknowledge me or speak to me, they might catch fat. 34 pounds later and still morbidly obese, I'm sure this still happens. However, I just flip them a mental bird when it happens, because I know what's going on inside me. I know what I'm in the process of. I know that their judgement can't touch me.
The surprising result? Overall, I feel better -34 lb. and miserable with a cold than +34 lb. and healthy. While I hope I never get another cold again, if I do I look forward to feeling even better at -100 lb. and sick v. -34 lb. and healthy.
I know this isn't what you were looking for, but the mom in me is taking over. Make a nice big pot of chickie (yes, CHICKIE) soup. It will take a couple of days to work your way through a pot and its warm and comfy in your tummy. Next get some of that saline nasal spray. Not the kind with any type of medication in it, but just plain old salt water. Blast your nose a couple of times a day. The salt helps to dry out your nose, better than a decongestant, and kills some of the nasties so you get better faster. My doc put me on to that when I had 3 or 4 sinus and/or ear infections every year. It's been two years using the spray (only when attacked by head bugs) and I haven't had either.
My last thing is fluids. "Feed a fever, starve the flu, when in doubt drown the bugger out". Everything works better when there's adequate water.
I'm so sorry you've not been feeling well. Hope you get well real soon.
And, so glad you found another confirmation that getting thinner and healthier does make you feel better!
What an interesting post. The fact that I am sitting here with your cold even hits home more. Heavy & sick. Now that's fun! Even weighing 331 lbs, I can get through my normal day without too much trouble. Sure my feet will hurt or I will be tired from what should be normal activity, but I am used to that. But when I get sick, it's so much more than a minor inconvience. I just can't handle being more exhausted or more uncomfrotable than I usually am. Take away what little energy I do have and I am down for the count.
Someone posted on a another thread about getting old and it realy made me think about my future. I think I have posted here that I am pre-diabetic and have high cholesterol. I was thinking this morning as I was getting ready what it would be like to be this heavy and be 60 or 70 (I'm 39). First I realized that in all likelyhood, I would not be here due to my obesity. But if by some miracle I did make it, I image I would be in a wheelchair and very sick.
That's not what I want for my future self. I always wish that when I was in college and the only committments I had were work and school that I had started exercising and eating healthy. I took nutritional classes, I knew better. If I had started then, I would have only had to lose maybe 60-70 lbs (not the 200 that face me today). I can only imagine what would be different if I had gotten it together then.
I don't want to have the same regrets about now. When i am 60 (God willing) I want to say that I sure am happy I took control of my weight when I was 40!!!
34 lb. v. a really bad cold (long)
