I'm starting anew. I'm 33 years old and I weigh nearly 300 pounds. I was an athlete until I was about 25, when I went to graduate school and become the most sedentary person I knew. And here I am, with high blood pressure, unable to even run around the block, and desperately afraid each day that today is the day that my brain will stroke out or my heart will stop. A year ago, I thought I was having a heart attack. Pain, pressure, sweating. The whole deal. My fiance took me to the ER, they did all the tests, and ran a stress test. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. But since then, just every couple of months (sometimes more often), I have chest pain. It hurts. And I'm terrified.
I am 33 and I've finally found the love of my life, whom I'm marrying in October. I owe it to him and myself to recognize that I don't just have responsibility for myself anymore, and that I need to take care of myself for him now as well. I want to live a long life and have babies with this man, and I won't be able to do that unless I begin to eat more healthily and lose this weight.
I'm doing this because I want to live, and I am tired of carrying around the phone with me, just waiting to dial 911. I'm tired of being terrified that something will happen to my heart while I'm in the shower or while he's traveling on business, and he'll come home to find me. He lost his mother to breast cancer when she was just 43, and he just lost his father (age 53) to a brain aneurysm last year. I can't put him through the loss of yet another loved one. He deserves better than that. And so do I.
I guess I need to take my life back. And so I'm here, looking for a support network, hoping I can stick with it and maybe one day, I'll actually recognize the body I see in the mirror. I'm tired of hurting and aching and being afraid all the time that today is the day that my body will give out. I need to make a change. Diets confuse me, but I'm going to adjust my problematic relationship with food. Your stories inspire me. Thank you.