Hello everyone,
I'm new to the forum and have read a lot of the threads here. Like most people I have done research into weight loss surgery off and on for years. Now that I am giving it serious consideration I really need a place to share and get advice / thoughts from people who have been there.
My situation is rather unique, or perhaps not, I'm not sure. My weight issues have been life long. I don't remember ever truly knowing what it is to be thin. I think as a youngster it was just slow metabolism and perhaps being fed the wrong things because I was very active. Also in my teens, I was a skier, I was into horseback riding and other sports. Still, I was always thick. When I graduated from high school I was already 205 lbs (which actually sounds quite thin to me now!)
I am 36 years old, been married for over 11 years and have been having problems with infertility. I also moved to another country to be with my husband. The culture shock, homesickness and my infertility issues lead to some major depression which, as you can imagine, lead to weight gain. My highest weight was 308 lbs.
When we first found out I couldn't get pregnant naturally (this was when I was 31, after years of trying. I was diagnosed with PCOS) I was told by the doctors here that I couldn't have fertility treatments without losing 88 lbs first. At this time, I was so depressed that I just didn't have it in me. My doctors suggested that I have weight loss surgery, but at that time I was so fragile emotionally that my husband and I decided it was time to step back from the fertility thing for a while and that it was more important for me to see someone and have a break. At this time I was approx 280 lbs.
Fast forward a few years, I'm coming along my mid 30's and while things did improve in regards to my depression, the evidence of it was still there as I'd reached a weight of 308 lbs. I still wasn't trying to prevent pregnancy but it had been on the back burner for a few years now. After visiting my doctor because I wasn't feeling well, I was told that I was developing Type II diabetes. Once again they suggest weight loss surgery, but I didn't want to do it.
I joined Weight Watchers and lost 50 lbs, and then after hitting a rather nasty plateau I started a very strict low carb diet and lost a further 30 lbs. I was down almost 85 lbs, I had gotten my sugar to a totally normal level and my doctors agreed to start IUI (intra uterine insemination). In the first half of this year I had 6 cycles, all of which failed. It was almost 6 months of nightly hormone injections and a massive emotional roller coaster, which sent me totally off the rails with my diet.
I have now gained back over 30 lbs of the weight I lost and I can feel myself in a downward spiral. I am an emotional eater and with all that has been going on and the fact that it has been going on for so many years has me once again depressed and overeating.
Again, my doctors have suggested weight loss surgery, and this time I am giving it some serious consideration.
I am in the Netherlands (Holland) and both IVF and the weight loss surgery are fully covered by my insurance. They won't do IVF here if you have a BMI above 35 though, nor will they do it if you are over 40. IUI they will do as it's less intensive with the drugs, but it's a strict rule for IVF. If you had asked me this time last year I would have said that right now I'd have all my weight off, but here I am once again after saying "No I don't want surgery, I will do it on my own!" still not having actually gotten there.
I'm sorry I know this is a very long thing to read but I feel like the history is important in explaining why I am considering the surgery and what kind of place I am in mentally at the moment.
I feel like I am running out of time. I will admit that in the past I was always the one to wave my hand and say the dreaded comments about surgery being the easy way out. I always thought that if someone REALLY wanted it badly enough they'd just do it. ESPECIALLY when I was on my losing streak and had reached that 80 lb loss. I have had so many stops and starts though, and I have the biggest motivations there are... my health and my ability to have children... yet I STILL can't seem to do it on my own. I am disproving my own theories and am quickly realizing that things aren't as black and white as I had imagined.
I am now kicking myself, because if I had had the surgery 5 years ago, 3 years ago or even 1 year ago when my doctors suggested it, I would be a lot closer to my goal for IVF or maybe even HAVE a child by now. I am almost 37 years old and I am finally admitting, I don't think I can do this on my own. I need help, I need something that is going to help me get to where I need to go... and maybe the surgery is my answer.
The problem is, as I'm sure many of you know, it's not an easy decision to make. There are a lot of things to consider besides how you feel about it personally. I thought that if I did my research online that it would make things clearer but like anything else you look up on the internet, for every good story there is a bad and nobody's situation is exactly like yours.
The idea of surgery scares me. It feels extreme and I admit, I worry a LOT about how friends and family are going to react to the idea of me even considering it. In fact, I did open up to my best friend about it (who also has weight issues) and while she tried very hard to be supportive, she eventually opened up that she works so hard at her weight that she feels like people who have the surgery are taking the easy way out. Something I may have agreed with her about five years ago, but I don't now.
This doesn't FEEL easy, if anything it feels like I'm facing something MORE difficult than what I've been through when I was losing weight on my own. I know it's not like oh I'll have the surgery and Oh YAY! My weight is going to magically disappear! I will have a lot of changes I need to make and it probably won't be any fun at all.
I have tried talking to 1-2 of my friends about this, they also have weight issues and like me have had periods of losses and gains over the years. The problem is that they don't have as much riding on their weight loss as I do right now, they also aren't dealing with the stress, pressure, frustration, anger and sadness that I've experienced with having my fertility tied to my weight loss. So there is no way for them to understand why I'd even consider this.
So that's why I am here, I need to talk to people who have been there, who have had this surgery and can help me make this decision. I don't expect any of you to have a magical answer as I know we all need to choose for ourselves, but it would be nice to discuss this with people who don't have an automatically negative reaction to even the mere suggestion of this kind of surgery.
Has anyone here ever had to lose weight for fertility purposes? If so, do you feel you made the right decision?
I also have a million other questions but I'll leave it at this for now and see what kind of reaction I get haha sorry I'm a little edgy and all over the place at the moment so please bear with me!!
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. I look forward to hearing from you!