thank you SOO much robin. your comments really hit home and meant a lot...
the good news is that i started talking about it today, with some folks whose judgement i really trust. they both told me that i wasn't crazy. that it was THEM and not me. they've shaken my confidence in my abilities, and there's no reason for that. my skills and experience in some areas are better than anyone else's in that place.
and i admitted that i haven't been taking care of myself, and we talked about what i could do to help myself. like, not working 10 hours a day for months on end. like scheduling eating. like going to the chiropractor when i hurt rather than waiting.
i KNOW i'm cruising for a therapist, but not quite yet. being thin has always been hard for me.. i sometimes feel invisible.. and it's starting. mom [she's 80 with alzheimers] and i went to a flea market yesterday, and she lost me. i was standing about 15 feet directly in front of her, and she didn't see me!!!! she didn't recognize me because i've lost so much weight. my own mother!!!
and those spotlight posts can be very distressing!!! i've been telling everyone, whether they'll pay attention or not, that it's real important to get rid of the food demons BEFORE the surgery. it's hard enough to deal with all these emotions without throwing up on top of everything!!!
there is a bright spot... the HR dept of a major pharma company contacted me last week, so that's a good thing!!! someone's interested in me!
and i'm not sure i have more confidence about my new body [well, actually my RECLAIMED body], but i know that everyone else views me so differently. that helps. somewhat. but bottom line, i'm still the same person, no matter how people look at me. a little hard to swallow at times.
and just a year ago this past weekend, i got out of the nursing home [5 week hospital stay followed by 3 weeks in the nursing home] so this is something really major to be thankful for. and believe me, i am.
thank you robin... and please keep us posted on your surgery. it's been a great thing, although hard at times.
Start your day with a smile, and get it over with.
Keeping it off is a hundred decisions a day that help you maintain what you achieved. And that's the hard part. - L Sanders
start: 506 [Sept 2001]
weight at gastric bypass [Jan 29, 2002]: 409
current weight: 225
weight for plastic surgery: 200
final goal: 180
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