There are days when I can certainly appreciate that just because I am overweight, it doesn't make me some kind of ugly hideous beast (which is how I used to always feel). I know that I am not an ugly person, inside or out and I can look in the mirror and see my beauty. But then I have days like this weekend when I can't even stand to look at myself. I went out somewhere that I saw a lot of people that I know and I just felt so fat. New haircut, fresh makeup, nice outfit, and I still felt fat and ugly. Like the fattest one in the room. Like everyone was looking at me thinking, "Oh God, she has gotten so fat." I hate when I feel this way, yes, the feeling is still lingering.
It probably started when I went shopping. I don't shop much, more for money reasons than anything else, but I went shopping to get something for this get together I went to. I could have thrown up having to purchase a size 26/28. From that point on I've been in a little mini depression. I think back to when I was 200 pounds and thought I was so fat and unattractive. Now I WISH I could be 200 pounds again. But that's how life works, doesn't it? Don't appreciate what you have till it's gone...
I think we all have the days when we feel up or down and there are things that trigger it. Today I felt all ready to get to the Y and work out and that fell apart because my daughter started throwing up, so I am home bound with her, and bored. I ate a great breakfast and just got the munchies so I grabbed one power bar. I am willing myself not to snack on anything else.
I am a 22-24, and do remember what you are talking about . I remember when I had to buy a size 18; I was mortified and promised I would not go any higher, lol. A few weeks ago the 24 was too tight, now a 24 is too loose. For me I need to take responsibility for my eating and exercise when I can. I can't make the excuses, because I want to live a long life and a healthy life where I can move good. I do think you need to love yourself no matter what, and remember you may not like your outside but only you can change it . I am sorry you are feeling down, but remember you are a beautiful person and are worth it!! Cheryl
Hi Tracey, There are 2 things I know about you from this forum. First, you are absolutely beautiful on the outside---look at that smile! Second, you are beautiful on the inside. I know this because of all the kind support you have given others. Please do not be so hard on yourself. Never say anything to yourself you would not say to your bestfriend. Why are we nice to everyone, yet cruel to ourselves. You know you are beautiful...you said so yourself. Kill the negative self talk...well, maybe nurture the positive self talk...it will shove out the negative.
You are amazing and you deserve the best of health.
Sorry you're having a bad day. I still feel fat and frumpy at 167! Some days our inner fat girl comes out to say hello and you just can't get her back in the box!
I feel your pain! I remember weighing 160 and feeling like I was the biggest blob in the world Now I'd give my right arm to weigh that again... It's such an emotional journey, you get to know yourself better and realize you are your harshest judge .. I don't see myself the same as people around me see me, maybe they see me as a whole person whereas I tend to concentrate not on my whole self but on a specific area, like weight or my thunder thighs !! We are beautiful people regardless of what size our pants today :O) Hang in there and good health everyone ..
teahoney---I know exactly how you feel. It's especially difficult when you've been really working hard on losing weight, then you get thrown into some kind of situation that makes you realize "yeah, i've lost some, but I still have a really long long way to go..." sort of takes the wind from my sails every time.
However, i think someone on here posted once that while I may be a certain weight now, today is the last day I'll ever be that weight. You may have to wear a 26/28 for now, but in a couple of weeks, you'll be down to 24/26... you're moving in the right direction!
And I'm being completely honest when I say that I think you are beautiful. I read these boards every day, and I always love to read your posts. It's something about your picture, I think. Your smile really lets your sincerity show through, so all of your posts seem very genuine and heartfelt. Don't let the "fat days" get you down! You have to keep that smile up for everyone here!
I know how you are feeling and I have felt the same way often. Keep faith and keep working toward your goal. You are a beautiful person and I am sure you judge yourself more harshly than anyone else does. I know that I do the same thing. Have faith. We will be back where we have been before and better!
I am not sure why, but the lighting and the configuration of mirrors in most stores seems unflattering enough to make almost anyone look bad. I have become VERY careful about when I go shopping. I need to be in a really good mood, otherwise I can totally spiral into a complete funk.
When I hit the 30/32 range and started to think I might not be able to shop in stores anymore (online only) I started to get really scared. For now I would love to be able to shop in stores with plus size departments that go up to 24/26 – places like Elizabeth and H&M. I too think back on being 200 pounds and can’t imagine why I felt as bad about myself as I did.
I think the best thing to do is realize that we will all have those days and try not to mind. Don’t look in the mirror. Try and keep your thoughts away from yourself as much as possible. Tomorrow is always a new day.
I know how you feel. I spent the better part of high school and college thinking I was the fattest thing on the planet - and I don't think I topped 150 until after I'd gotten out into the real world. I understand not appreciating what you have when you've got it.
We all have days like you described. For me, the trick is to acknowledge that fat feeling and then let it go. I've gained 8 pounds over the last few months. I've noticed them but they were easy to ignore because I've not had occassion to actually get dressed lately. I've been doing a lot of home improvement projects so I've spent a lot of time in baggy shorts and T-shirts. This weekend, though, all three kids were gone and DH and I actually went to dinner and a movie. To my horror, my favorite jeans (size 8, BTW) fit perfectly - they had been loose the last time I wore them. I was uncomfortable all night. If felt especially aware of my body and was just really uncomfortable in my own skin. The next day I was still had that yucky feeling. So, I sat down, thought about it, admitted that I'd done this to myself and that feeling depressed about it wasn't going to do any good. The only thing that was going to help was if I got myself back on track and stayed there. And that is what I'm doing.
My point is that it doesn't matter whether you have 9 pounds or 90 to lose. Once you've struggled with your weight you ALWAYS struggle with your weight. But, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Fat days can be depressing and demotivating OR we can look at them as a positive awareness that keeps us in touch with our bodies thus keeping us on track for the long haul.
I think that it is really healthy that you realize there is good days and bad ones, and that you ARE a beautiful woman. Shake it off just like a boxer does fear right before a big fight, even if you have to stand up and wiggle it out - do it!
You are great motivation here on the boards, and look forward to reading your post
Oh yes, Ugly Days can come in any form. Fat days, bad hair days, break-out skin days, general blah days... it'll always be something to try to bring you down, and you just have to keep going and know that it'll be different tomorrow.
I agree with what everyone else has said; your picture shows that you are so pretty and your posts show that you are so sweet that I hate having you feel down on yourself! Keep doing whatever you've been doing to lose those 7 pounds and know that we're all here for you!
It probably started when I went shopping. I could have thrown up having to purchase a size 26/28. From that point on I've been in a little mini depression..
I understand how you feel. I hate going clothes shopping. Honestly I don't know what size I wear because I just wear whatever fits in my closet. It's so strange because I remember 30-40 lbs ago thinking how fat I was. I can't imagine what I was thinking then. It makes me think that nothing will ever be enough. I hope that's not the case though.
Hang in there. Fat days come and go. All the previous posters have wonderful comments and I agree with them all. Sometimes I think that changing how we FEEL about ourselves is even harder than changing what we LOOK like.
I know exactly how you feel. I've lost over 70 pounds and still can only shop in "women's" sections and stores like LB. I think I feel fatter now than I did when I was a 28/30. Okay, maybe not, but still, it's depressing every time I think about it!
Teahoney, I can't say anything any more lovingly or eloquently that the posters above have said, so I'll just send you some and a little bit of to help you make it through to the next set of good days! I'm sure you'll be there in no time!
Good days and bad days (a rant)
Cheryl
Some days our inner fat girl comes out to say hello and you just can't get her back in the box! 
Now I'd give my right arm to weigh that again... It's such an emotional journey, you get to know yourself better and realize you are your harshest judge .. I don't see myself the same as people around me see me, maybe they see me as a whole person whereas I tend to concentrate not on my whole self but on a specific area, like weight or my thunder thighs !! We are beautiful people regardless of what size our pants today :O) Hang in there and good health everyone ..
