[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

Well I thought I would introduce myself and my story and why I need support...he he he

here it goes

I have been overweight since I was 4 or 5 years old, it has gotten progressively worse over the years due to anxiety and poor eating habits, already having asthma since birth my asthma became severe at age 13, at that point i was wearing a size 18, from then on until 2 years ago (i am 25 now) they had me periodically taking steroids which also make a person gain weight....

I gained weight the summer before my freshman year and was in and out of the hospital all summer with asthma, by the time school started i was maybe a size 20/22, i lost weight in my mid high school years due to beig on the swim team and maybe got down to a 16 or 18 again then by the end of my senior year had gained it all back and then some an was appx a size 22/24

after high school i did various desk jobs and began smoking which made my asthma worse hence more steroids and by the age of 19 i was up to a 26/28 which i maintained losing and gaining little in the same range until I was 20

between 20 and 23 i had managed to attain a size 32/34 and now am at the same weight appx (sorry i do not know pounds)

i married when i was 23 to a man i thought had accepted me as i am, at the point we had been married a year and a half he told me he wanted a divorce, he didnt specify things about me but as the reason for the divorce but his own health condition, he has terminal lung disease...

he had made me very very unconfident about myself by every month or so mentioning my weight but in the "i just want you to be healthy" way
He always told me I was attractive and pretty but I was always nervous around him because I told him several times that I didn't want to discuss weight with him and was upset he brought it up...it's nothing at that time that I was ready to deal with....

about a month before he told me he wanted to divorce i had started a plan and began exercising, i had already changed my diet drastically than before i met him when we first got married...i no longer ate chips and fries everyday and burgers or pizza, i was eating tofu and rice and broccoli and whole wheat no mill no dairy and no refined sugars the whole time we had been married...

but it wasnt working i was eating too much so i started to reduce my portions also once i adjusted to the healthier foods, just when i got everything figured out he tells me about the divorce

i ended up finding out recently this last 2 months, (we r still in process of divorce) that he had never really been passionately attracted to me and had married me wanting me to be skinny and thats pretty much why he had been so pushy with weight loss the last 2 years.....

i was very upset about that and told him this would have been nice to know before i married him so that i could have a choice instead of getting ultimatums now, i told him i marrried him as he is sick and all and that weight is a very hard issue with me that i need my time to work it out...i told him even after we married if he really really had a problem he should have sat down and said "this is what i want and its really affecting me"..... when i told him this he said what was i supposed to say?? hay big fat woman lose weight!!

needless to say i have had a hard month and am still trying to be good all through this...he says if i dont lose weight he will leave or cheat, i told him if he really loved me he would support me in whatever decision i take and that love should be unconditional especially when u married someone who already had a problem, i have stayed the same and even lost weight since i have been with him and he thinks i have changed nothing, he never like me from the beginning

also he says he is going to continue treating me badly until he sees i have lost more weight

i work 10 hour days and take care of him, he cannot work and is on oxygen all day. i married him because i loved him...i was engaged to an engineer before him and could have had a very happy life

i am just waiting for him to leave so i can restart my life but i need a supportive guy who can be like i love you no matter what, then i would be comfortable enough to enlist his help in losing weight, all i feel right now is that i am being judged, he throws out ianane things like fat people sweat too much and most of them are dirty and etc etc...im like hellloo??? u married one??? what the ****???

sooo thats my story and why i need support weight loss and a divorce whoopeeeeee



Safiyah

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

THE ICON LOOKS LIKE ME HA HA HA, THATS WHY I CHOSE IT WILL POST PICS LATER

[paperclippy]

Hi Safiyah, welcome to 3FC! I'm sorry that you had such a bad experience with your husband. I think you are totally right that you need to find a supportive guy who will love you regardless of your weight, and I think it's awful of your (soon-to-be-ex) husband to give you ultimatums like "lose weight or I'll cheat" and "if you don't lose weight I will treat you badly." I hope you can find the support you need here!

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

thank you so much it really hurts when your hubby whos supposed to be your best friend and whom i thought was was all along thinking horribly about you

when i do lose my weight im still going to have horrible issues trusting men...

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

that didnt make sense..ha ha, me thinks i mispoke ha ha ha

[pools]

Hi Safiyah,
Welcome. One thing---you don't need a supportive man---you need a supportive you (and some great girlfriends help too)! It sounds like the most important weight you are losing is going to be lost in a divorce from that man! Take a break. Focus on loving and supporting yourself. Know that you deserve better no matter what your current weight is. Then that supportive man will be lucky enough to find you!
Good luck.
Pools

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

Pools,

You are absolutely right... Im not looking for another man i just meant that mine was not supportive of me and thats the person i needed at that time and he failed me, what a downer

Im live this life for me now babaaaay

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

where in the middle east do u live????

[almostheaven]

I wouldn't wait for something like that to leave. I'd either kick him out on his butt or up and leave myself. I signed over a house I paid for to my ex just to be shed of him and all his girlfriends. It was worth the price to me. A man who marries a woman knowing her size beforehand then claiming to have problems with it afterward...he needs his head examined. He's in for some huge disappointments in life if that's how shallow he is.

[Cynful]

hi welcome I am new today as well I sure hope you will enjoy it here as much as I hope I will and recive good info and support to help each of us reach our goal ! See you around xo

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

Originally Posted by almostheaven

I wouldn't wait for something like that to leave. I'd either kick him out on his butt or up and leave myself. I signed over a house I paid for to my ex just to be shed of him and all his girlfriends. It was worth the price to me. A man who marries a woman knowing her size beforehand then claiming to have problems with it afterward...he needs his head examined. He's in for some huge disappointments in life if that's how shallow he is.

NO DOUBT!!

Not only did he marry me that way he believed truly that i would realize IMMEADIATELY after we were married that OBVIOUSLY he couldn't be attracted to me and that I should lose weight....

he actually told me now after 2 years of marriage that the whole time he was maybe 20 or 30 percent attracted to me and never looked at me wholly just my face and bust!!! how crazy is that!

I always wanted to lose weight but as I am sure most everyone here knows it's not easy and it takes alot of dedication that I was not ready for at the time...I still feel a bit scared but I have been pretty good these last 3 months and I think I have lost perhaps 15 pounds already!

[almostheaven]

Best deal...kick him to the curb, lose all the weight, then saunter in front him from time to time, letting him know he can look now, but never again touch. LOL

[Safiyah_is_Fluffy]

haha ha you got that right my truly evil mind thought that too...i think its going to be an extra motivating factor for me

[icmethinner]

Hi Safiyah,

I think we are in sort of a similar situation, only my husband isn't sick. I too get all the little comments from my husband. It used to be "I want you to be healthy" but now it is "let me get a picture of that butt so you can see what it looks like!"

I am under the impression that you have no children? If not, let me implore you - get out now!! You don't need to feel any more obligation to this man who treats you so badly. Don't be like me and wait until 10 years later when you have children and it all gets so much more complicated. The longer you stay the more of your life you are wasting on this man who doesn't seem to love you.

Also, I live in NC but I am from Florida too. I am from Jacksonville, and my mom and sisters now live at Amelia Island (Fernandina Beach). What area of Florida are you in?

Lesley

[flipafart]

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