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Old 03-23-2005, 09:10 AM   #1
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Default Inevitable question

I am starting to not want to tell people how much I have lost. I feel embarassed about the number, like people are still judging me by the weight I am. I mean, I know it is obvious that I have lost weight - but I almost want to make it seem like it isn't as much as it is.

I have been asking my husband to tell people he doesn't know the number, he thinks I am crazy. I have always been private about my weight, this is the first time I have even been able to admit the actual number to anyone, and I still haven't told my husband the number - but he isn't really even interested.

Are they still judging me by my weight? Will it ever end?
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Old 03-23-2005, 09:24 AM   #2
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I think the problem is that YOU are still judging yourself by your weight. You aren't that person anymore and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You really need to change your thinking. You have obviously worked extremely hard to loose 70lbs. Claim that victory! I have lost 36lbs and I will shout that number from the rooftops to anyone who wants to know. I will tell them how I did it. How long it took. The only thing I won't tell them is my weight. That I reserve for my husband and these boards! A girl has to keep some secrets!
My suggestion would be to read Dr Phil's book. It really helps you change the way you think about yourself and your weight. I know it helped me a lot.
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Old 03-23-2005, 09:48 AM   #3
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Before I started losing weight, I never would've told anyone my highest weight (256 lbs.), but now I don't mind telling people because I'm no longer that person. By the way, keep up the good work, hon!
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Old 03-23-2005, 09:53 AM   #4
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Thanks! I really thought that I would be happy to tell people the number lost, but as it increases I feel more and more embarassed about it. When I get to my goal it will be somewhere around 100 pounds - at that point I may feel differently.
It seems like people have good intentions, and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt. I just hate that once-over look. I just know they are "sizing me up".
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Old 03-23-2005, 09:54 AM   #5
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I know Oprah talks about "owning" your weight. I've struggled with this a lot. I remember when I first told my husband my weight. He didn't leave me, he didn't act disgusted, he was like "oh." No biggy. After that, I was able to be honest about my weight. It got easier. When I was pregnant and weighed 278 pounds, I was still able to get weighed in front of my husband. I would suggest you reveal the number to your husband or someone else close to you that you trust. When they don't freak out, you'll feel better. I've been overweight for most of my life, since childhood, and I think that's where the shyness about the number came from for me. But you're an adult now. No one will tease you. They'll appreciate how hard you've worked!
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Old 03-23-2005, 09:56 AM   #6
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shout it out- you lost 61 lbs! that's an awesome number! I've lost 28 lbs and I know people come up to me and ask what I've been doing and how much have I lost- be PROUD! I say "about 30 lbs and 3 pant sizes". You've obviously worked hard for it- now is your time to get recognized for all your hard work!

keep it up! you're doing great!
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:01 AM   #7
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I can sympathize with you, KTna. I've gotton a lot of attention from friends and strangers about my weight loss over the last couple years and it can be a little uncomfortable for me, especially the attention from acquaintances/strangers.

It's not telling them numbers that bothers me so much as how much of a huge deal they make of it. I'm happy that I'm getting healthy, and I'm proud of new active lifestyle, but all the attention I get reinforces that feeling of being judged by my appearance. It's gotten a lot easier though, as time has passed. I'm learning to gracefully accept a compliment without passing it through the filter of "what must they have thought of me before!?"
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:12 AM   #8
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That's exactly it, it's almost like they are saying, "wow you looked terrible before!" when they say, "wow you look great now".
Some of it is probably in my head. I think I get more satisfaction from the people that give me the once-over and DON'T say anything about it.
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:19 AM   #9
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KTna - I'm reluctant to tell the number as well. I don't tell people what I make or what I scored on my GREs. I do tell people when they ask or say something nice, "Thanks I'm about a 1/4 of the way there." And when that number becomes 1/3 or 1/2, I'll say that as well. If they press further, I just say that my goal weight is my IQ - a number I'll happily share with anyone who does ask.
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Old 03-23-2005, 10:28 AM   #10
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The question I was asked last night went like this:
Wow, you have lost so much weight, you look great!
-Thanks, it's been a long, hard road - but I'm getting there.
So what have you lost? 50 pounds?

I really didn't want to but I told her 60, but it is my mother-in-law so at least it was someone I am close to. I just don't know what to say when it's anyone else.

I don't have trouble telling people what size I want to be, or even what size I am right now (I am almost at a size I am comfortable to tell people) but the weight number just seems so personal!
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Old 03-23-2005, 11:18 AM   #11
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I think you are right to give people the benefit of the doubt. Anyone willing to give us a compliment obviously has good intentions even if it makes us uncomfortable. If you don't want to share the particulars then just give them a grin and say, "I'll never tell!"

Try to remember that you aren't being told you looked awful before but that you look fabulous now. It is hard to keep that in mind, especially since we usually don't think of our former selves as attractive. But others see us much more objectively than we see ourselves. I think it is important to remember that the people making these comments are seeing a whole new us. We carry ourselves better, we smile more, our self esteem is higher, we are more outgoing, etc. All of this shows. Even if it is our weight loss that they specifically mention they are actually commenting on the whole package.

Keep in mind too that most women are interested in losing at least some weight. Sometimes they may ask the particulars of your weight loss as a frame of reference for themselves.

Just try to take it all in stride. And, remember, it is much better to have someone ask out loud how much weight you've lost than have someone wonder to themselves how much you've gained! You've done a great job and have pleny to be proud of - whether or not you want to shout it to the world is up to you.
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Old 03-23-2005, 11:35 AM   #12
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Thanks so much, I think I like the mysterious answer, I will use that..."wouldn't you like to know" approach. You are so right about it being better for them to ask how much I've lost rather than wonder if I had gained. That is a great perspective!
I even have people that I think are already skinny asking for advise, it feels very odd! I have had more comments in the last few weeks than the whole time I have been losing, I guess it is starting to really show, so I guess I should be happy about that.
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Old 03-24-2005, 07:53 AM   #13
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I think it's how we often perceive things. But in reality, they're not trying to say you looked awful before or size you up compared to how much you lost. They're actually just awed that you were able to lose that much, because they know it's hard to do and most people can't do it and you did. They are amazed by what you accomplished. They're not even thinking about how you looked before when they ask how much you've lost. They just know they can tell you've lost quite a lot and want you to wow them with the impossible number.
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Old 03-25-2005, 05:17 AM   #14
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I don't tell people how much weight I've lost. . .usually the question is "Have you lost weight?" and I just say, "yep" or "I think so" and then that's it. If they press for details I just steer the conversation to healthy lifestyle changes.

I don't answer with my weight, because I think people focus on that too much with women. I mean, I obsess enough over my weight, I don't need other people thinking about it too. Plus, I have finally figured out that it isn't the weight I want off, it's what it means to me. Losing weight means I'm sticking with something. It means I'm healthier with more energy. It means my body looks more like how I feel inside, and I can't wait for it to look more that way. It means I'm exercising, and that feels good. It means I don't drink pop anymore, and that means no sugar crashes.

So, what I do is skip the weight part of the conversation and move right to that stuff.
they say "how much have you lost?"
and I say "I don't know, but I feel great!"
or I say, "thanks for noticing! I feel so much healthier now."

they say "So what are you down to now?"
and I say "It's not polite to ask a lady her weight!" (because it isn't!)
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Old 03-27-2005, 08:40 PM   #15
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Im totally the same way when they ask how much I only say im not weighing myself that way They know I cant give them a number and I dont tell them how many sizes Ive gone down either. I like the way my body is changing but some how I feel that I worked for it its my little secret, at least right now. It feels like I was always judged by my body but that was me and its still me, I have to work on that I know but in time it will change in time we will dance strut and want to tell the world but not now its our time we have more work to do and we want to be the one who knows what, when and how long. Everyone is diffrent and everyone handles it in their own way but its totally understandable to want to keep that information for yourself. Its like your gift to yourself and you want it for yourself. Some times thats how I feel.
So your not alone there ,keep a smile on your face that only you know why . Great work on getting more healthy and doing what your doing. Keep it up
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