Last night my husband confronted me and told me that he wouldn't like me to get much smaller. He is already thinking my bones are too visible and its already becoming unattractive to him.
Has anyone else had this type of thing happen to them, I mean I have heard of friends trying to steal your thunder, but I never expected my husband to want me to stay overweight.
It sounds to me that your husband is just not used to seeing you at a lower weight. Maybe he's afraid you'll become so attractive that you'll leave him for some young hunk! But, seriously, in my opinion, he's the one with the problem, not you.
Perhaps you can talk to him (stiffling a laugh, since we all know how difficult it is to TALK to men) and see if he is feeling insecure about your weighloss success or if he is concerned for your health. I think it is more of the insecurity that is getting to him, most men want their women to look good, but not SO good that someone may steal them away. you know? I keep teasing my boyfriend that when I get thin and beautiful I will trade him in, he knows I am teasing but I am sure it is a fear of most men, and women if the shoe was on the other foot.
Just try to communicate and let him know what this means to you-
Thanks for the advice. I have tried talking to him, but he says that he is not attracted to skinny women. I don't plan on getting skinny, just healthy. I told him that it means a lot to me, but he said he is frustrated because he likes how I am now, and thinks that is all that should matter.
I think in a way he might be feeling insecure but not really knowing it.
KTna-I am going through the same thing. I was about 150 when I met my husband, and my highest weight was 211 after our two kids. Now that I am going back down the ladder-he has told me he doesn't want me to get too much smaller.
With some men it is a self esteem or jealousy thing-but in my case as well-my husband just prefers fuller figured women. Every serious girlfriend he ever had before me was fuller figured
ALL of his girlfriends in the past have been a minimum of a size 9/10-but most averaged a size 16-20. Very thin women who wear a size 2/4/6 ar 100% out of the question! )
He is a "butt man" and likes a big rear end. That is just what he prefers and is attracted to. It isn't any sort of self esteem or jealousy issue with us-the women he likes on tv are ones with fuller buns and busts as well.
It is the same thing as my preferring men with brown/black hair, and brown/hazel eyes sort of coloring over men who are blonde and blue. (Just not attracted to the "Ken doll" look! )
I know how you feel. I haven't even really lost much weight yet and my fiancee is starting to say things like that. I think he's just afraid I'm going to become really attractive and leave him for some hot guy.
I think you can still love someone no matter what they look like, love and togetherness is all about personality.
Whether you want to jump their bones so often if they change the way they look is just odd. You're still the same person he married, what's his problem? If he loved blondes but you died your hair to be brunette would he gripe about that?
If you lost weight through some illness would he still be griping about how unattractive you were or would he support you?
Maybe he is feeling insecure and doesn't quite know it, but I know you can still be in love with someone even if they don't meet ideal on your attractiveness scale!
My husband loves me no matter what I look like-but as far as his "preferences" he likes fuller figures. I am losing weight for me no matter what-but to indulge him a little I do color my hair red. (his favorite hair color) It isn't about insecurity with us at all. When we go out he wears clothes I have bought for him, and the cologne I like (even though it isn't HIS favorite) because we try to be attractive to one another.
aphil-you hit the nail on the head, our husbands sound exactly the same!
He keeps telling me that I'm losing my curves, and not to get too much smaller. I was originally thinking a goal of 135-140, but he thinks that will make me look sick. So now I'm thinking 150 (which is the highest healthy weight for my height - 5'5"). I do have a larger frame, and I admit that some of my bones are become pretty visible (hips and collar bones mostly so far). But I am not yet happy with the rest of the pesky curves that are still sticking around. Even at my highest weight he thought I looked great...but has been supportive of my new lifestyle, up until now.
What is funny is that I told him that when we met I was around 140, and he had no problem with that at the time. He told me he he can't remember that far back...(13 years). Maybe he just needs time to adjust my new size.
I think you're right that he may just need time to adjust. I'm going through something very similar to you and Aphil, too! It's not that he's insecure, it's just that he too likes curvy girls. Sometimes he'll (somewhat jokingly) touch my butt and whine, "It's going away!!!" But actually, I think he's starting to realize that I'm always going to have a butt, even if I'm ever a size 4.
I'd say give it time. Human beings (even men! ) seem to be able to adjust to anything over time. Maybe we should all be doing more squats to keep that junk in the trunk!
Exactly! That is the same whine I keep getting, "What are you doing to me?!?!" is the one I usually get.
Boys are silly! I think he is worried that I may end up wanting to be a size 4, and like Aphil said, that would be out of the question for him.
I don't think a 4 is really ever going to be possible, I would just love to be in a 10!
Do you do serious strength training? Building up your muscle will help retain "curves" and prevent you from looking bony, even if you keep losing fat. For example, I strength train but not enough. I'm at your weight and while I am still definitely pear-shaped with a lot of lower body fat left to lose, my upper chest is VERY bony! I can see my upper ribs clearly! So, I gotta hit the weights to improve my appearance in this area.
DON'T stress about the number on the scale in either direction, because it's body composition that determines your size and shape, NOT "weight."
hi, i just want to know, and interject a different perspective on the situation (devil's advocate i guess). What is your height and body type(frame) did you talk to your doctor about your perceived "ideal weight" is the weight you are aiming for reasonable? or are you really starting to look too thin, but cant see it because of the excitement of being so thin? i am 5'3 and my "ideal" weight according to the BMI and that calculator thing you stop on to determine it, and my doctor is roughly 150#. which is 30# heavier than i would have wanted to be.
I don't currently do any serious strength training, but I would love to start. Right now I do only about 15-20 minutes a couple times a week of aerobic, (on x-box actually, using Yourself!Fitness, or Dance Dance Revolution, sometimes exercise bike). I do have a weight set, but just haven't been too motivated. You suggestion is a great one though, that might really help with how I look. I also have very visible ribs, one of the things my husband complains about.
I'm 5'5", and I would say I have a medium-large frame (don't really know how to measure that though) I haven't asked my doctor, but from the BMI calculator and WW I have always thought that 150 was the highest I should weigh.
BMI is CRAP. BMI is simply a height-weight comparison, and is no better than the conventional height-weight charts. It does not take body composition into account (or gender or age). Take a look at some of the posts from Mrs. Jim. She is 5'4" and 145 (something in that neighborhood) and wears a size 4 / 6. She is SOLID due to weight training. Her BMI would say she's "overweight," but her body is a lot more dense than the "average" person her height. Even though she weighs more than the BMI says she should, no one would say that she is larger than she should be!
Husband not happy with weight loss?
Not Too Thin
But, seriously, in my opinion, he's the one with the problem, not you.
) seem to be able to adjust to anything over time. Maybe we should all be doing more squats to keep that junk in the trunk! 
how tall are you
