What do you do if your weight loss buddy is struggling?
My best friend and I set a goal to lose 50 lbs at the beginning of July. I just hit a milestone of 20.2 lbs down, but she's struggling and is down 7 lbs. She goes back and forth in the same 8 lb range. Up and down the scale over and over again.
She started in the mid-200s and I started in the low 300s. I mean I knew that I would see bigger losses, but nothing like this. She seems frustrated with her lack of progress, but she also seems to eat out a lot. A recent visit to her house and she had all kinds of food goodies in her kitchen. When we talk, she seems generally in it - but bummed that she hasn't lost more.
All I'm doing now is offering support and positive vibes. Both her and I know what she needs to do lose weight. We've been friends for 2 decades and she's lost big chunks of weight before. The last thing I wanna do is nitpick or make her feel bad in anyway.
A couple years ago when I lost 90 lbs (my highest weight was somewhere above 380s), she said that my weight loss inspired her to do something herself. She is down from her highest too, but now I want twoville and she wants onederland.
I know I don't have all the answers. I've struggled with my weight all my life, but how can I help her without seeming like some preachy know-it-all brat?
Last edited by FrecklesTX; 09-18-2014 at 08:45 AM.
I have had this very same problem. My multi-year weight loss buddy and I walked together, traded recipes, and commiserated. We'd lose a little and gain a lot. I felt so guilty when it finally 'clicked' for me and I started really losing. I didn't bring it up, but she started avoiding me and admitted that it was because I was losing and she wasn't. She just wasn't ready to commit, so it's now a topic we just don't discuss.
With your friend - it could be that she just isn't ready to really commit, too. I'd say that she will ask you what's working if she really wants to, but until then just be a good friend and listen. She might not like it if you try to give her tips, even if you have the best of intentions.
I will say, too, that I've been totally derailed in the past by hooking up with a buddy for weight loss. They skip a workout, I skip a workout - that sort of thing. I just do better when I do it by myself.
Congrats on your hard work and weight loss. It's definitely not easy to do!
There are a lot of things I enjoy doing with my girlfriends, coffee dates, movies, concerts, dinner dates, long phone chats, binge watching favorite episodes, shopping, the list could go on and on. But one thing I do NOT do is compare what we eat, how we work out, and weight loss.
From your post it sounds like you're getting a little smug about your weight loss. Not in a bad way, just in the slight way that is innevitable when your weight loss is going well and hers is not. I say that because you're getting a little judgy about her "goodies" in her house which are in no way any of your business.
Focus on you, don't worry about helping her. It's not your job to help her. It's not your job to inspire her, critique her, advise her or judge her. It's especially not your job to compete with her. The only words that should come out of you are things like "you got this, you look great! Slow and steady is the way to go!" Encourage feelings of empowerment, and stay away from advise about what someone should or should not be eating. Always stay positive but vague, specific advice about weightloss/food/nutrition/exercise is beyond annoying coming from someone who's losing more weight. It really is I hate to tell you, I'd feel horrible if someone did that. Besides, you're not immune to plateaus and struggles of your own, imagine what you would want her to say if and when the roles are reversed.
Frances123 - My hunch was that "let her be and just do my thing" was the way to go, but I just wanted to make sure no one had any ideas because I love her and want her to feel better too. Seeing her frustration is hard because I know what it feels like. I definitely don't want her to avoid me so I'll just keep my trap shut!
I also do better when I diet solo - but we started this challenge on her insistence. I've never been one for competition, much less weight loss competition. Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it!
Wannabeskinny - Thanks for your words of wisdom! Like mentioned above - I'm usually a solo dieter and rarely get involved with weight loss challenges. Not only do I feel this is a very personal experience, but the race aspect actually has had the opposite effect on me in the past - I just check out mentally. But my friend (who is extremely competitive) wanted to do this. It's something I avoided doing with her in the past, but I jumped in because we both needed a bump in the butt.
Believe me, I know from personal experience how crappy you feel when someone tries to lay down some "weight loss wisdom" on you - ugh. I have avoided it so far - just was looking for maybe sneaky ways to do it! But it seems that that doesn't exist. I'll just keep giving her hugs and support!
Thanks ya'll!
Last edited by FrecklesTX; 09-19-2014 at 08:05 AM.
That's a tough spot to be in. My guess is that her own competitiveness is biting her in the butt. I'm sure she did it as a way to motivate herself but the aspect of competition does not belong in weightloss, it only complicates feelings that are already so complicated lol!
You keep on doing you and let her be, she'll figure it out eventually!
My partner in the diet world is my hubby and we set a target at the beginning of 2013 to lose 7 stone each. Up until March we were equal with us both losing over 3.5 stone. Now I am pregnant and the hubby is a comfort eater (and hes stressed) he has gained 3 pounds over the summer and even pregnant I have continued to lose weight.
But I am sure come the new year with a new baby we will get into weight loss a lot more and then it will be a new time and a new year.
What do you do if your weight loss buddy is struggling?
Like mentioned above - I'm usually a solo dieter and rarely get involved with weight loss challenges. Not only do I feel this is a very personal experience, but the race aspect actually has had the opposite effect on me in the past - I just check out mentally. But my friend (who is extremely competitive) wanted to do this. It's something I avoided doing with her in the past, but I jumped in because we both needed a bump in the butt. 
But it seems that that doesn't exist. I'll just keep giving her hugs and support!
