Nothing. However, part of me thinks back to my troubled narcissist family past and I am working on defeating the feeling of "oh you'll just end up being a screw-up sooner or later anyways, just as you do with everything else." Waiting for the eventual failure. I have my way of losing and its super easy to do compared to all the crap I used to do - hard for me to believe it sometimes, feels almost too good to be true. It has gotten worse with this cold-snap NY weather, but I am not severely depressed/hopeless - just feels like a long long period of feeling "slightly below average."
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