AT the normal weight I seem to hang around at, I am 5'5" between 140-148 pounds.
Then ED took over and I got down to 124. Then I started to binge eat and gained everything back that I had lost.
So these days I hover around 143-148. Which is pretty much where I was at. Only now I hate myself because I remember how thin I got, even though I felt like I was going to pass out every other moment.
BUT Despite that and being overly critical, I am making healthier food choices, snacking less, working out. All these things I wouldn't have done when I was healthy before.
Back then I would eat pizza every week, drink my calories, apple juice at night. Chips, chocolates, fries. I felt like I didn't gain a pound! And I didn't work out at all.
I feel like now I notice every bloat on my body. I am critical of myself in the worst ways. It seems like I gain weight so easily. But who knows cause I didn't track my weight before.
My question is... if I can stop binge eating and continue what I am doing now. Will I end up losing these 10 pounds that are making me mad? I work over almost every day. I have a full time on my feet job.
I want to have muscles and a lean body @__@ But I'm tired of trying to accustom myself to someone elses idea of how many calories/what I should eat. I'll just eat when I'm hungry and make good choices.
What do you guys think?