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Old 03-15-2013, 01:28 PM   #1
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Default Mini rant (well maybe not so mini)

Just have to vent somewhere to get this off my chest since no one in my immediate realm seems to get it.

If I tell you I am trying to lose weight, and your response is "but you're not fat" that isn't helpful OR supportive.

Same goes for things like:
You're not "that" big
You have a beautiful face
Doesn't your husband love you just the way you are?


All I want is to hear "good for you" or even *gasp* "how can I help"??

Why does that seem so impossible to grasp?

Sorry.... Had to get that off my chest. And a big huge thank you to everyone here who has reached out to me since I came on board!
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:37 PM   #2
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I'm sorry and I know how you feel. I really wish more people would say the "how can I help" one. Just saying it would mean the world.
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:43 PM   #3
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I have come to realize that no one thinks as highly of our weightloss efforts or concerns as much as we do.

The sabotaging, the negativity, the "oh, you are trying this again?" comments.

Now I don't tell anyone but my husband and my doctors office about my triumphs, struggles, and of course, the celebrations! The negative people (even if they aren't trying to be) aren't worth the stress or the second thought! No one is holding me back this time, no one!

I'm so thankful for 3FC, we all "get it" here.
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Old 03-15-2013, 02:08 PM   #4
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Agreed. Weight loss is such a personal journey.
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Old 03-15-2013, 02:30 PM   #5
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Hugs, I totally get what you're saying...
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Old 03-15-2013, 02:42 PM   #6
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I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing people can say about another person's weight loss efforts that is "right". I'm sure you can find a post somewhere on this site about how someone is angry because when they say they are trying to lose weight people say something like "good for you" and it was interpreted as them saying the person was fat. All over this site you will find rants with the theme of "people noticed I lost weight" or "no one noticed" For every rant about something other people are doing, there is a rant complaining they are doing the opposite and it's still wrong.
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Old 03-15-2013, 02:59 PM   #7
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I go through the same thing!!! Most of the women in my family are pretty big. I'm already one of the "smallest" but I know my weight isn't healthy. So whenever I talk about weightloss all I ever hear is "But you not fat!", "You going to lose your shape", "I wish I could be your size", "you gonna get tooo skinny. How much more are you trying to lose?"

I understand your frustrations because i stay frustrated. I feel like I have no one local to talk to for encouragement. And they make fun of me at family dinner because i don't eat most of what they prepare because it's so bad for you. Thats why I stay on sites like this for my support and encouragement.
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Old 03-15-2013, 03:45 PM   #8
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The only person I share my weight loss (before pregnancy) is my husband.
Once you tell people you are trying to lose weight, they will tell you all kind of negative things and they will try to push food on you.

When I didn't want to get off plan, I just told people that I wasn't feeling good so I wanted to eat "light" to see if it will help. They usually have no issues with that!
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Old 03-15-2013, 04:20 PM   #9
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I totally get this. Even the nicest person in the world, my mother (she really is), doesn't understand and so she'll make comments that are very unhelpful and discouraging, like saying it's more important to be happy eating what you like rather than diet, or complaining about a friend of hers that tracks her meals at the table with her iphone, like I do, even while I'm doing it.

I have to found it's better to just do it and not make any big announcements or call attention to it. Only people in the same boat (like her on 3fc) really get it.
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Old 03-15-2013, 05:08 PM   #10
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Would you rather hear comments like "But you're not fat!" or "Thank God, you're getting way too big!"?

I would imagine that those people are just trying to be polite, and I agree with cherrypie, there never seems to be a "correct" or "right" response. Try not to take it to heart and if the comments really bother you, then it might be wise to limit your discussions about weight loss to 3FC or those who are really close to you (like a significant other, mom, whatever).
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Old 03-15-2013, 05:37 PM   #11
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I so totally get this!!!

As you can probably see by my profile pic (and avatar), I'm not big. I'm bigger than I want to be, but not overweight. And when people tell me 'oh, but you look good' or 'no, you are thin' it doesn't help. Since people are heavier now than they were 30 years ago, it seems as though if you are not considered obese, then you must be fine. I think people should be able to decide for themselves what size they are happy at without being judged, whether it be thin, average, chubby...as long it doesn't interfere with good health.

I am 5'8 and weigh 164 and wear a size 10 jeans...I have been as thin as 128 and as heavy as 174 (pregnancy 210 both times) and I am happiest at around 145. I get that since I'm in my 40's now, it isn't as easy to do anymore and I'm perfectly content even between 150 and 155 or so. I just don't feel good about myself over 160, period.

That's just me...and whatever weight you are striving to be, it should just be respected and not downplayed just because you are the smallest one in a room of larger folk.
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Old 03-15-2013, 05:58 PM   #12
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I only told my mother, husband, and a few of my friends but that is it. Even when co-workers notice my eating, i say, "i like vegs" or "just trying to keep the heartburn away!" I'm routinely denying losing weight until it's so noticeable that I'll have to admit it.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:04 PM   #13
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I think some people think "d*ammed if I do, d*mmed if I don't" - they want to say something, but don't know what to say.

And of course, some people just don't think at all !!

And some people are jealous.

I was talking to a former supervisor I worked with once and he said he wanted to compliment me on my weight loss - but didn't because of discrimination policies in the office. Some workers file complaints about anything and everything.

Thank goodness for 3FC !!
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:08 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherrypie View Post
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing people can say about another person's weight loss efforts that is "right". I'm sure you can find a post somewhere on this site about how someone is angry because when they say they are trying to lose weight people say something like "good for you" and it was interpreted as them saying the person was fat. All over this site you will find rants with the theme of "people noticed I lost weight" or "no one noticed" For every rant about something other people are doing, there is a rant complaining they are doing the opposite and it's still wrong.
I completely agree. Unless one is really trying to be a total ***, then usually people end up putting their foot in their mouth unintentionally. Now being the recipient of some of those comments, i now realize how *I* have been offensive to people who have lost weight and certainly DID NOT mean to!! I think it's because weight loss is so intensely personal that it can become easily offensive.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:23 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherrypie View Post
I've come to the conclusion that there is nothing people can say about another person's weight loss efforts that is "right". I'm sure you can find a post somewhere on this site about how someone is angry because when they say they are trying to lose weight people say something like "good for you" and it was interpreted as them saying the person was fat. All over this site you will find rants with the theme of "people noticed I lost weight" or "no one noticed" For every rant about something other people are doing, there is a rant complaining they are doing the opposite and it's still wrong.
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