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My husband's thoughts on my goal weight - food for thought...

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Old 01-23-2013, 03:40 PM   #1
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Default My husband's thoughts on my goal weight - food for thought...

I might blog about this tomorrow, but I'll put it out here now.

So, I was having breakfast with my husband before heading to the gym. We got on the topic about exercise and fitness. I said that I can see I'm bigger than I was this summer, but bigger seems HUGE, but I'm still wearing the same sized clothes, so it's not that I got all the way from a size 10 to a size 20.

I then said that when I get back to my weight this summer, I'll probably be smaller as I've built up quite a bit of muscle this fall/winter. My husband asked me how much I weighed and I told him (he's known my weight the whole journey - up and down).

Then he said this, "Maybe that weight is too low for you to maintain." I think maybe it might better for you to stay around 175 and maintain/hold that weight than to bounce around so much. If you have to work so hard to stay at 160, then is that a reasonable goal weight?"

My initial reaction to it was, "Well, but it's not that I've gotten to that weight and been stable. I started eating things I know I shouldn't. It's hard for me to know what a good stable, easy to maintain weight is if I haven't figured at that balancing act yet."

He then said, "Well, what I see is that several times in our marriage you've gotten to around 175 and were fit and active and healthy and looked great. Going below that seems to be where you start to have problems."

And again, it's because I never tried to maintain it - life got in the way and I messed up.

But now a few hours later, and after a workout at the gym, I'm asking myself, what is a good end weight for me? Do I shoot for perfection? One that is "ideal" - like the 25% body fat? Or do I shoot for something that is good and healthy, but easy enough to maintain so that I don't have to fight tooth and nail to get there and to stay there?

Especially with being overweight for so long (like 27 years?), is it even reasonable to expect to be able to easily maintain 25% body fat and around 160 pounds? (that's about where those numbers would line up).

I know for sure that right now I feel and am too heavy. I want to be a thinner and smaller and I can get there, but what SHOULD be the magic number or body fat percentage?

Yes, the final weight finds you, but how long does that take really to find it? I think it's going to be awhile for me as I can't possibly know what will feel maintainable long term.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:04 PM   #2
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I think what your husband is saying has a lot of a validity. And the good thing is that you don't have to keep that number forever if it doesn't work. Get to 175 and declare victory and call yourself a maintainer. And then live with that number for a while and see how it feels. Maybe you keep your great focus on your fitness level and you end up dropping another size regardless of the scale. Maybe you decide you do want to lose another 10 vanity pounds. Who knows? But there is no real reason you HAVE to know right now.

I am going to suggest you try the True Weight Calculator from the Dukan Diet website. This is the number that they come up with that they think is realistic to achieve and sustainable long term based on age, highest weight, lowest weight, how many times you've tried to lose before, and a number of other factors.

http://www.dukandiet.com/Calculate-your-True-Weight

I would suggest doing it with your highest weight rather than your current weight, just to see where it thinks you should end up with starting from there.

I am NOT suggesting you change your diet to the Dukan Diet, not at all. But I think that the number the calculator comes up with as you True Weight could be interesting and help with your thought process on this. Mine was 181, definitely far higher than I am thinking and I'm not sure I'll stop there or not, but in a way, I think it will give me permission to stop there if it feels right when I get there.

You have to put in an email address and they do send emails after the fact, but I think you could probably use one of those throw away emails if you wanted to avoid that, the actual calculation shows in your webpage, you don't have to retrieve it as an email.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:06 PM   #3
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Berryblondeboys--Such a good question. I know a lot of us are also grappling with it. I know my body has a weight it has been gravitating towards, but I don't agree with it. My plan is to reach my goal weight and try it on for size for a time period. If after six months I'm ripping out my hair trying to stay there, I'll reconsider. It sounds like you will wonder "What if?" if you don't give it a try. How wonderful that your husband is so supportive and will take you right where you're at! Good luck whatever you decide.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:23 PM   #4
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I took your advice April Snow. I took your advice and tried the True Weight calculator using my high weight. My True Weight was calculated at 140, so am 10 pounds away from my true weight. I had a feeling that that is about where I belong but I wanted that last 5 pounds. I will take the advice to start maintenance at 140 and see what happens from there.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:28 PM   #5
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I think your husband made a valid point. But you can try any number between 175 and 160 for maintainance. Maybe 167.5?
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:29 PM   #6
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Just used the caculator and it says my true weight is 165. I weighed 164 this morning. That is so cool.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:46 PM   #7
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I'm glad others are finding the True Weight calculator helpful. While I am still not positive about my own number (If nothing else, I'm not going to end at 181, I would go for the 2 extra lbs to be in the 170s! lol!) I like the fact that it accounts for things like having been at a higher weight for a decade or longer. The standard or BMI based goals are probably not realistic for a lot of us, and many of us know that and set goals accordingly but it's nice to get some external validation.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:51 PM   #8
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I don't know enough about goal weights to comment on that part but just wanted to say your husband sounds really nice and supportive. My husband is so logical about things (like your husband) and it's me that gets all in a tizzy worrying about details (not saying that's what you are doing). Made me happy to read your post as it put things in perspective for me, it's not about the number that *I* want; it's about the number my body wants maybe.
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:58 PM   #9
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Sorry to go O/T but I just tried that website. Did anyone else get results that they could lose a lot of weight by June? It said I could be down to my ideal weight of 183 (I put 175 but based on my stats it adjusted to 183) in just 152 days. Does that make sense? That's 47lbs in 152 days. Looking at it like that, seems totally doable!

Thanks for that link, I need to think about this!
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:14 PM   #10
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I agree with April Snow... Get to 175 and see what happens. You have to grt there first in order to reach 160.

Your hubby seems very supportive!
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:23 PM   #11
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I agree with both you and your husband ... this is what I mean by that.

I'm 5' 4" and for most of my adult life I have been in great shape. Very muscular, healthy and usually a size 4 to 6 on the bottom, 6 to 10 on top depending on the cut. Keep in mind that during this period I weighed anywhere from 140 - 150. If you put that in a "chart" somewhere, I'd be on the high side of overweight. I can remember hearing a doctor in his office talking to his nurse before our first meeting and saying "Well - first thing is, she's got to lose at least 20 lbs!" You should have seen his face when I walked in!

I did let myself get heavier over the last 2 years, mostly due to operations and not being able to exercise but still eating the same amount of food. I also lost some of that all important muscle that continues to burn calories.

So my first goal last year was to get to 150, I honestly felt that if I went below that, it would be difficult to maintain. Right now I'm below 150 (my second push) and I'm noticing that my body is fighting tooth and nail but I'm not happy yet with my results. Honestly, I think it's more about muscle right now than weight. I want to be more toned, not lighter.

So I've thrown away the idea of a number right now. I just want to look good. If I find my body fighting for a higher number, I'll let it happen.

Sorry this got so long, but the number thing has always been a hot point to me. Hope it makes sense for you ...
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:44 PM   #12
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Well, I put in the numbers. Guess what it told me for weight? 176.

I got to 175 before. Actually 175 was my initial goal and I got there the winter of 2011, but I felt I could do more. I got down to 165 with consistent exercise and eating about 1450 calories a day.

My 'gut' is telling me I could maintain 175 pretty easily. 160 will take work, but I want to be fit, not just a size in a clothing brand or a number on a scale.

We'll see. I think I will call it "maintenance" when I hit 175. That will be (again) 100 pounds lost from my highest (that will be the fourth time in 2 years that I will have gotten to that weight AGAIN - got there once in 2011 and twice flirted above it in 2012 with vacation and holiday weight gain.)

Maybe in my head I'll be "175 is the top acceptable weight" and beyond that is gravy as that is the truth... we'll see.

Healthyangie - I'm built really big. years and years ago a doctor told me that 160 was a good weight for me (and I was 235 at the time). My WW leaders wanted me to get to under 150 I knew there was no way in heck I could get there. I STILL know that is impossible for me. I would be bones.
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:46 PM   #13
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That true weight thing told me the weight I am right now is my true weight! Crazy, I already know I want to lose at least another 15-20lbs. We'll see what happens/what I look like when I get to the 140s.
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:48 PM   #14
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"Congratulations! You are already at your true weight."
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Old 01-23-2013, 06:04 PM   #15
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I got 149.3 as my "true weight" and I have 148 as my goal. Hmmm. We shall see!
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