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-   -   My Obstacle = My Husband (Vent) (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/272698-my-obstacle-my-husband-vent.html)

forreal 01-06-2013 12:49 AM

My Obstacle = My Husband (Vent)
 
He is absolutely driving me CRAZY !!!
Every meal has turned into a major production. I make things I KNOW he likes - but all of the sudden he doesn't like macaroni or pork chops or chicken or anything. A few weeks ago he watched a cooking show -- Lydia's American Italian Cooking. He thinks she's a wonderful cook (and I agree, she is). She made baked ziti and he went on and on about how good it looked. So I made it for him one night -- exactly how she made it -- and he wouldn't take ONE bite. (I gave the whole thing to my daughter who loved it).
I buy him a bag of miniature chocolates -- every time he takes one he tries to get me to eat a few. I've told him I'm really not into chocolate and I've asked him not to leave them by my chair, please. But his insists on it.
Then I get the lectures about how I should enjoy life and Eat, eat and eat some more. I keep explaining I'll enjoy life better when I can breathe better and walk better.
It's like it's his mission in life to keep me fat. GGGRRRRRRRRRR !!!!

Tough luck -- I'm doing this for me. :)

Mary

coffeeshopgirl 01-06-2013 01:29 AM

Good for you for sticking with it!

I agree, your husband does sound like he's upset somehow by your weight loss choices. Maybe he needs to make his own food then? Especially if he's not eating yours.

Stay strong - it's tough being in a house where there are tempting foods. And while you compromise and don't seem to need all the sweets/snacks out of the house, you deserve to have your dietary choices respected.

How long have you been committing to your diet? Maybe the adjustment will take time for everyone in the house.

Still, good job knowing that you're doing this for you! Keep it up!

drixnot 01-06-2013 05:48 AM

lol... If my husband raved about some food a chef on TV made and I cooked it for him, he would either eat some or wear it... his choice.

karen98745 01-11-2013 07:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by forreal (Post 4577083)
He is absolutely driving me CRAZY !!!
Every meal has turned into a major production. I make things I KNOW he likes - but all of the sudden he doesn't like macaroni or pork chops or chicken or anything. A few weeks ago he watched a cooking show -- Lydia's American Italian Cooking. He thinks she's a wonderful cook (and I agree, she is). She made baked ziti and he went on and on about how good it looked. So I made it for him one night -- exactly how she made it -- and he wouldn't take ONE bite. (I gave the whole thing to my daughter who loved it).
I buy him a bag of miniature chocolates -- every time he takes one he tries to get me to eat a few. I've told him I'm really not into chocolate and I've asked him not to leave them by my chair, please. But his insists on it.
Then I get the lectures about how I should enjoy life and Eat, eat and eat some more. I keep explaining I'll enjoy life better when I can breathe better and walk better.
It's like it's his mission in life to keep me fat. GGGRRRRRRRRRR !!!!

Tough luck -- I'm doing this for me. :)

Mary

I have a similar situation.

penmage 01-11-2013 09:09 PM

:hug:

Maybe a smack with a rolled up newspaper will help? If not, it will at least make YOU feel better! I'm sorry your husband's being difficult.

SweetTreat80 01-12-2013 08:22 PM

I don't know your husband but there are men who feel "threatened" by their partners getting healthier, a.k.a getting slimmer and becoming "more desirable to someone other than him" who will try to sabotage you. Intentional or not. I don't know him to say that but it sure seems that way to me. Any man who wouldn't be supportive and understanding of your lifestyle change ends up in my "suspicious" category.

Good for you though for sticking with it and telling him that you just aren't interested in eating certain things.

TammiL 01-16-2013 01:59 AM

Many people sabotage their partner’s or loved one’s weight loss. My mother in law is one of them. She sabotaged my husband the first 2 times that he tried to quit smoking. And now she is sabotaging her husband’s healthy eating. She bought him five, yes five, woopie pies.

“Why.” I asked .
“Oh well he cheats sometimes.” She said.

I would tell your husband where he could stick it if I were you. He is entitled to his own opinion of corse, but he should support you taking steps to better yourself.

Remington90 01-16-2013 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drixnot (Post 4577173)
lol... If my husband raved about some food a chef on TV made and I cooked it for him, he would either eat some or wear it... his choice.

Haha sounds exactly like something I'd say.

And I haven't gone far in my weight loss journey but my boyfriend (of 6 years) is aware of it. I've told him I'm eating right, making meals for myself instead of whatever he's having. He's supportive fo the idea but he keeps saying things like "mm, this french toast looks so good." or "just smell these cookies" etc. when he knows I can't have any of it.

To understand him you'd have to understand our relationship and everything which would turn into a whole novel, but to sum it up, we've broken up twice before. We started dating at 16, I'm now going to be 23 and his birthday is this weekend, he'll be 24. So young. But, when we broke up the first time we were really young and it was more of a "not really broken up" situation. The second time was a bit crazy. I talked to other guys and it really got to him, i know it did.

I honestly, seriously think that he's afraid when I lose weight and get where I want to be, that the men will come pouring in because I'll be 'hot' (he says I'm hot anyway, which is nice ) and I'll get swept away.

I seriously think he kinda wants me to lose the weight but kind of not. I almost think he's got in his head that I'm 'settling' for him.

Who knows. that was a mini rant, i apologize. Maybe he's just threatened by your success ? Or feels 'not up to par' because he wants to get on the healthy train too and doesn't have the motivation. Men are strange sometimes.

Babybat 01-16-2013 03:26 AM

That was rude of him, maybe he wasn't hungry...And he shouldn't force you to eat food, you need to let him know what his place is! You obviously don't want to eat his chocolate!

IAmTheGlue 01-16-2013 07:32 AM

My first husband was always trying to sabotage my weight loss. One day I said to him that I felt like he was doing things to sabotage me. You know what he said! "I am! I can't stand you getting hotter. Somebody will steal you away from me." Seriously, this sounds like a case of insecurity. I think he does not want you to succeed for his own selfish reasons.

Misti in Seattle 01-16-2013 08:16 AM

It is hard to have an opinion here because you did not say how tall you are, how much you weigh, or what type of eating plan you are on. So it is impossible to know whether your husband's concerns are legitimate or if he really is being a bit obnoxious. :)

SoMuchFattitude 01-16-2013 08:52 AM

Does DH have a few pounds to lose himself? Perhaps he's struggling to make the commitment himself.

My DH struggled initially with me not drinking with him because it changed our social lives and I wasn't "as much fun." We had a very very frank conversation about it all and he doesn't mind having a DD now. LOL. Maybe a good sit, frank, serious conversation would help?

Robin41 01-16-2013 12:52 PM

So this is obnoxious behavior. The question is, is his behavior obnoxious like this only in regards to your weight loss efforts, or is it his general reaction to everything?

If it's only about weight loss, then there needs to be an honest and straightforward conversation about his behavior and its effect on your chances of becoming a healthier person. If it's his general reaction to most things, then you need to have a conversation with yourself about why you put up with this type of behavior by somebody who is supposed to love and support you.

To those who are dating people who have reacted in this way, look really hard at whether you want to spend your life with somebody who reacts like a petulant child to things that don't go the way they want. It's a real red flag that you ought to pay some attention to.

banananutmuffin 01-16-2013 01:40 PM

My husband is a wonderful man--a total gem--but he has, in the past, very subtly sabotaged me. Sometimes he cooks the meals he knows I like best. Or suggests we go out to restaurants. Or he buys treats I find hard to resist.

When I got to a weight where I was feeling really good, and was dressing a lot to show off my figure, he started telling me I was "too thin." He'd grab my legs and tell me they were too skinny. He'd say I was starting to look sickly. (Note: the weight I was at then was still higher than the weight I was when we met.)

I think some of this *was* because he was worried I'd attract attention from men. I also think some of this was because he was unhappy with his own weight (which is normal, but he's got a teeny tiny belly). I also think some of it was because my weight was pretty low and even though it was a weight I had been in the past, it was drastically different from what it had been for years.

Husbands and boyfriends sabotage for a variety of reasons. It may be intentional or not. It may be based on insecurity or not. The best way to determine his motives is to look at him as a person in general, how he treats you, whether he respects you, and if he always has your best interests at heart. There is probably no such thing as a totally altruistic person, but it's usually pretty easy to recognize when someone is being a jerk for their own selfish reasons.

Radiojane 01-16-2013 01:41 PM

MY boyfriend pulls the same crap with food, including the cooking channel thing. He'll eat it, but then he'll ***** about he I made it. He's supposed to be on a paleo diet for his health - he gets boils, has a hyadial hernia etc, and he wants to lose the weight for his sister's wedding, but then he cheats, and of course ends up with a boil or a sore gut, so I get **** six ways from Sunday for trying to keep him on plan. But when I cheat, oh you should hear him.

We finally had a blow out over it where I just flat out refused to feed him for a week after telling him sharply that his behavior was way out of line. I finally established that it all goes back to his fear of change, and his lack of confidence. If I change the way I eat and get thin, I may leave. If he changes the way he eats, he might not get any better and then what's the point. Plus, he learned from his father to "Critique" every dish to "improve" the woman's cooking skills. You should hear the crap my mother in law puts up with. Well, a week of him feeding himself stopped it right quick in my house.

Insecurities are one thing, but childishness is uncalled for. I would quit feeding him. Let him cook on his own.


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