Mary You may never know why he does this and does it really matter? Even if he tells you a why it does not mean it is the truth and he may not know or want to know the answer to why. It matters he is having a tantrum and how it makes you feel. Your child also sees this behaviour. Hopefully it is rare behaviour if not you need to do the asking of why, why do I put up with this?

DH and I make our own meals 80% of the time. We time them to eat together and sometimes share some of the meal such as brown rice. Like Kaplods DH and I offer to share what we prepared, this is a healthy compromise. I do not eat most meat (I eat fish, poultry, beef rarely). If one of us makes food for the other we take into consideration the other's tastes and are always gracious.

Good luck.

Thank you all..............
 

Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful responses.

After some thought I had a sit-down with SO. Explained I didn't want to make meals a big issue and didn't want to argue over it. Told him I loved him but I needed to take care of my health. He's welcome to join me anytime. Now when he offers me something sometimes I accept and just put it aside or I'll take a bite and thank him. I try to allow myself enough jiggle room to sometimes join him for a treat. Trying to be flexible and not make this an "all or nothing" situation.

I'm sorry that you and what seems like a lot of other posters have to deal with this!
It's ridiculous, and childish, and disrespectful- especially because you've specifically asked him to keep the treats away from you, instead he tries to coax you into them?
I can't imagine my husband doing this!
I cook the meals in the house, and while his haven't changed since I started dieting, he would be eating dog food if he pulled this mess with me!

My DH also sabotages me in subtle ways. He openly told me a short while ago that the downside to my losing weight is his fear that I will find him repulsive and want to leave him now that I look so good (he never said he was worried about other men finding me hot, just that I would think less of him now that I look better). My DH is significantly overweight. I have been struggling for the past 2 or 3 months to lose more weight and not gain. Thinking back, DH has bought me over 20 boxes of Milk Duds (a weakness) and taken me out to restaurants at least a dozen times. Of course, ultimately it is my choice to eat candy or order unhealthy food in restaurants....but he surely is tempting me to cheat and I have been weak in my resolve. As a result, the scale has moved up instead of down. i don't really know what the answer is, aside from reassuring them and asking for their support.

I'm sorry that so many are going through this. I'm fortunate in that my husband is 100% supportive. He lifts weights regularly and tries to eat healthy so me going on my journey put me on a path that he was already on. We have always tried to be active and eat right but some health issues lead to me taking a very long break and of course gaining weight due to the inactivity, adopted bad habits, and dreaded prednisone over a period of years. He was supportive when I couldn't be in this place of healthy lifestyle and he's supportive now that I am back to it. Frankly, I can't imagine him not being supportive and I can't imagine myself putting up with anything less. I hope those who are being sabotaged and/or just not being supported can open the lines of communication and either get to a better place or make some hard decisions on how they want to deal with that.

he would fix his own dinner

:?:Àsk Gibert Grape What's up!

Definitely agree with comments to Let him fix his own food if he is not going to eat what you fix.

I'm not a mind reader soo when the family start grumbling about not wanting to eat this or that ... I hand over the Keys to the Kitchen and tell them to Have at it!! I neither have the time or inclination to Beat around the bush about anything !
In our house the rule is .....Say what you Mean and Mean what you say!
Life is too short for passive aggressive games...and I don't purchase a Ticket to the ride.
Sometimes we need to transfer some of what we do in our Professional life of
Conflict resolution with our family members and friends.
:irish::irish::irish::irish::irish::irish::irish: :goldpot::goldpot::goldpot::goldpot::cupgold::cupg old::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold:: cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgo ld::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::cupgold::c upgold::cupgold:


Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

haha.. or a squirt with a squirt bottle everytime he starts being difficult.. :)

I'm sorry your going through this. You need to know that you can do this with or without him. He better hope that when you hit goal you don't decide to go find someone who does care.. Hope it gets better. Hugs!!

Wow, it's eye-opening to see how many people deal with this. I agree with this poster. It's absolutely something that would not fly here -- because it's about so much more than food to me.

Also the posters who have partners who question what they eat...that is SO foreign to me -- wow, he's my husband not my father or my warden! Yes, we are partners but we are also grown @ss adults and I don't need or want anyone policing my food intake (and vice versa).

So sorry people are struggling with this and I think it's time for some serious reflection about why one would feel they deserve someone treating them so disrespectfully. Because you don't deserve it.

I'm so sorry your'e dealing with that. That must be so terrible.

In my house, my husband and I had a ton of talks before we were able to appreciate each other's choices. He now knows that if he doesn't want what I'm making, he'll have to make his own. We don't have kids, which helps a lot. He hides his treats in his office where I'm less likely to happen upon them.

Your husband needs to realize that being healthy is what will make you happy. He may be insecure about you losing weight - maybe that you'll be happier and will leave him for someone else if you are thinner.

Yikes, my husband and I struggle a little bit over him wanting to "share" his food, but it's not that extreme. He just naturally wants to share, and it's taken a little time for me to impress on him that I appreciate his offer but I really don't want the cookies he's eating. He's doing better about hiding his junk food too.

He doesn't eat meat and I do, so we're used to having separate main dishes and a shared side dish on most nights.

Sounds like he might be one that doesn't like change. That's how my husband is. But when you get to your goal weight make sure you show it off right in front of him and remind him of what he was doing. I bet **** be kicking himself but happy to have a happier wife. Because when mamas happy everyone's happy!!! Lol

Oh my. The great SO, husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/mother/father/sister/brother/FAMILY debacle!:D

Any time one person makes changes, it changes the whole dynamic of the relationships. Change can be tough, tougher on some than others.

After 2 years of dating, and 35 1/2 years of marriage, my Dh and I mostly have it worked out.:D There are still times when one of us will drop the ball for whatever reason. Or be in a bad mood and dig in some stubborn heels!

But, mostly we get along, he doesn't give me any grief about my food and workout and gardening and sewing and choice of tv shows, I don't give him any cr@p about his choice of tv, love of fishing, and reluctance to go get the car liscensed or the fact that he thinks "gravy" is a food group!

We have 2 tv's!:carrot::D

If you can't get along now over food, what are you going to do if a more serious issue crops up?

In my case, I had some terrible female health issues in my early 30's. I was sick for about a year, and I was a hormonal wreck. He stuck with me!:hug: It all got taken care of.

Then he had an accident at work and was off work for 14 months, surgery, surgery, rehab, therapy, more surgery, rinse and repeat! Now minus 2 fingers, and wrist and lower forearm weakness that just is what it is. I stuck it out. I did have one night when he pushed me to far and I left for a few hours, only because that was the better choice at the moment. I came home and we worked it out.

Then a couple of years ago he started having A-fib issues with his heart. Dear Lord that was an experience. The first episode, he didn't feel good when he got up, told me, I asked if he wanted to got to the hospital, "no", went to work, called me just as I was leaving for work, went and got him and took him to the emergency room! The medical staff finally shocked his heart 5 times to get it back in rythem!

This started a 2 year adventure of Drs. emergency room visits, drugs, tests, more drugs, more E room visits, monitors, more tests, a $70,000 surgery, and finally the meds are figured out. He will always have to take these meds. He's always tired. Sleeps a lot. It just is what it is. I still love him. Even though some days he drives me NUTS!

So, anyway, the biggest food fight we ever had was over pancakes! I grew up eating big ole fluffy thick buckwheat pancakes. My MIL, make these pancakes that are more like a crepe. So when our boys were little I was making them blueberry pancakes, and the hub wanted a plain ole pancake like his mothers. I tried, it wasn't right, he stood over my shoulder, do it again, rinse and repeat. I finally was in tears, got mad and told him if he ever wanted another pancake, to call his mother and tell her he wanted her pancakes, and have her fix them! This was like 20 years ago and to this day, I have never fixed that man another pancake, and I never will. I fixed them for the kids and about 3 times a year I make myself a couple. He actually looked at them a few months ago, and said, "I'd like a pancake"! I just rolled my eyes!:dizzy: He took it with good humor and let it go.:D He never has asked his Mom for pancakes since the "incident" and most likely won't, because he does not want to have to tell the story!:D It's all good!

I know how you feel!
 

My husband is an ultra-runner. He runs 50 and 100 mile races so he's always snarfing down food. He really gets in the way of my dieting efforts. Today he did the shopping and came home with a bunch of Ben and Jerry's ice cream which I've managed to ignore for the time-being. He keeps after me all the time about exercising more but I have asthma, and exercise makes the asthma worse. He consumes 30,000 calories on a race day and easily puts away 4,000 on a normal day. He went on a 6,000 calorie a day diet to try to add muscle. He's really skinny on top of being completely addicted to running. And he doesn't know how to cook so I do almost all of the food prep. Recently, someone he knows died because of an acute asthma attack so he's taking me seriously for the first time when I explain that sometimes I get very short of breath. He's being very supportive of my efforts to start allergy shots again, and to use the right inhalers. I wish I could make him understand that for me, calorie counting is going to have to be part of the solution, and that getting my asthma under control is essential before I can sustain frequent highly aerobic exercise. I've been taking a jazzercise class that I love but it makes me wheeze at night.