Of course the holidays are great for bringing family together. For me it has become inevitable that someone will bring up your weight loss/gain during the festivities.
Christmas Eve I was saying my farewells to my family and as I walked through the living room with family sitting in chairs around the perimeter of the room, my aunt says Hey, ImImportant, you have lost a lot of weight. (The last time I saw them all I was wearing a size 14/16.) What are you doing? I told her counting calories. She said, don't lose more weight, you are small enough. Then all of the cousins and aunts in the room (about 10) started in, all while I was standing in the middle of the room. "you can stop now, you are too small, you will be a size 2, we have big bones, I want to be your size..." and on and on It felt good that they noticed but bad that they questioned my ability at 46 to know what is best for me.
I finally let them think they won and I won't try for my goal weight, but it was just to stop the conversation. I won't see them again until New Year's Eve and then not until the 4th of July. So by then I hope to be at my goal and not have their comments ringing in my ears.
Has anyone else had comments positive or negative over the holidays?
Last edited by ImImportant; 12-26-2012 at 10:19 AM.
No one has even noticed that I have lost 42 lbs. Mostly, I am fine with that for just the reasons you mention. I have this fantasy of getting another 20 lbs off and coming to work in some more form-fitting clothing and surprising everyone like Opera did that time.
I think mostly people mean well when they talk about our weight [sometimes like we aren't even present in the room - LOL].
Ooh, I received a comment on my weight loss at a family get together last weekend! My step-cousin said something about me slimming down to nothing, but she said it in a very positive way. It totally made my day!
I love when people notice and say something - whether it's positively or negatively intended I take it is a positive because it means that what I'm doing works and I'm getting results.
Imimportant I had the same problem... I got complacent in life.... And I have gained half my weight back. That's not the only reason but it does play on your mind.
Gailr42..... I bet ppl have noticed... Maybe they just don't know how to compliment you.... But that's a huge loss!!! Congrats
I actually think that's meant to be a compliment from some people in a weird sort of way. I wish people could say, "you look nice." and that would be the end of it, but for some it isn't. Some people just have to find something to be wrong in any situation too.
I think you handled it well. People, especially family, just really can't seem to mind their own business sometimes.
People always say this. It's meant as a compliment. Also, people have no way of judging others' weight, or the amount they need to lose, etc. especially if they are toting extra pounds themselves.
They are just saying you look good!!! Enjoy that & try to ignore the stupid parts.
Thank you all for adding some perspective to this..I love my family and I know they mean no real harm. Being on display in the middle of the room with all eyes on me was very uncomfortable. It felt both good and bad at the same time.
I'm not sure yet if I'll be seeing them this year or if that plan will go down the drain (which would probably be a good thing), but there are relatives on my father's side I haven't seen in almost 8 years. Back then, I was 25 kgs heavier than I am now. I bet on them either making nasty comments disguised as 'compliments', or to grit their teeth and not say anything out of spite, and either way trying to feed me as many fatty things as they can.
Real prizes, ain't they.
Most people don't know how to compliment weight loss. WE (those of us who are losing) realize what might be the best thing to say, but I really believe"don't lose any more" is a compliment, not a judgement of our ability to know what's best for us. I fought the losing battle in trying to get people to see it my way after I'd lost about 80 pounds. It just doesn't work.
My advice is to just say thanks to any compliment, and if they press you about whether or not you intend to lose more just add, "I'll consider your advice. Thanks." And to anyone whose wishes may be insincere, still just say thanks! Some battles cannot be won.
I completely understand the feeling of not wanting to be under scrutiny by a roomful of people about your weight. However, isn't it great that the focus is on how wonderful you look and how much you've lost rather than an "intervention" about how much you have gained? Reading some threads on here about how some folks are ashamed to go home for the holidays because of all of the weight they have put on since they last saw their families - it puts things into perspective. I hate having attention called upon me. However, having been on both sides of the equation - seeing people after a big loss and seeing people after a big gain - I'd rather deal with the comments (both good and bad) on my weight loss!
However I have found that in my family (mostly my father's side) after the initial compliment comes "fat jokes" or making fun of what I used to look like. Things like, "Remember that picture we took last year of you and Dianesitting on the sofa, you took up half the sofa." Or "It's a good you finally lost some weight, you were so big it was embarrassing to be seen with you."
I got that a lot. It's really just easier to yes people to death and continue to do your thing, especially if you don't see them all that much.
It's shocking for people and they're comparing you to your former self. After you've been the same size for a while, people get used to the "new" you
About twenty pounds ago I had people yelling at me to not go any lower because it would be far too much. After maintaining for a year at twenty pounds below what I "shouldn't" have gone below, everyone says I look "fantastic." They just needed to adjust their perceptions of me.
I got a couple nice comments, mostly of the I can see you've lost weight, looking good! variety, and some small talk about diet with other people trying to manage weight. Although they're all pretty close to where they want to be already, i didn't feel all judged or anything. I was relieved at dinner that no one made me feel guilty for eating or anything, and my mom changed her part of the menu for christmas dinner and christmas eve to have more healthy options so I could eat more of the same as everyone else. Usually christmas eve would be all appetizers and deep fried stuff and pastries, instead she had roast beef and salads and some fries on the side for kids. She even cut up some fruit to go with desert, but the nicest part was that she just put everything out for everyone, so I didn't feel left out.
I'm at the point where I'm surprised no one in my family made any comments about how much weight I've gained. I lost 30 pounds three years ago and gained 40 since. It was a tough holiday season. I'm coming up with my game plan for the next few months. Have to get back on track for sure.
Congratulations to those of you who have lost weight! Itīs a great achievement.
I came to realize just the day before Christmas that I had gained too much weight and it dawned on me when I saw a recent picture of me, plus I saw myself in the mirror in a shop buying Christmas gift for my teen. I saw that my face has really changed.
Although I have started a new lifestyle with the support here, I felt akward at the Christmas parties and saw in the eyes of my aunt that I have gained weight. She was about to say something, but didnīt.
It made me more motivated than ever to lose all the weight.
Holiday Comments from Family
