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Hard to find the motivation.

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Old 11-28-2011, 03:33 AM   #1
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Default Hard to find the motivation.

I'm having a pretty hard time...I just miscarried a week ago at almost 11 weeks after 3 years of trying to get pregnant. I know things will get better, but I'm just in a deep dark hole right now.

I gained 7 lbs while I was pregnant, 4 of which I've lost...but I think it was all water weight because I have by no means been trying. I've also gained quite a bit in the past year...its been a rough one.

I want to lose weight desperately. I'm still in my maternity pants (I'm very petite and started showing early, that and the weight gain, I can't fit into any of my old jeans.). I switch into pajamas the minute I get home, but when I have to put maternity clothes on its so heartbreaking.

Its so hard to eat right and exercise right now. esp. since I'm physically not quite up to it yet. I have the desire, the motivation's just not there right now. All I want to do is curl up in a dark room with a beer and a pizza...and stay there.

Anyway, I guess I just needed to get that out.
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Old 11-28-2011, 03:48 AM   #2
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I'm so sorry - that is quite sad. I can really feel your pain in the post.

First, you have two problems. I feel like they are becoming intermingled and you should keep them totally separate. Stop putting on the maternity pants. Pack them up - save them nicely for next time. Go buy a cheap pair of black pants from Walmart or Goodwill if you have to. Those maternity pants carry meaning for you and are not simply "pants" anymore. They trigger a lot of emotions. It is not healthy to continue to wear them at this time.

With regard to your weight loss and finding support - you've come to the right place. Most of us here have curled up with a pepperoni pizza at some point in our lives.

I know you aren't fit for exercise, but a nice walk can do wonders for the spirit. It helps me everytime.

Anyway, I'll be thinking about you today and hoping that you say no to the pizza and beer and get a bit of sunshine.
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Old 11-28-2011, 03:58 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unna View Post
Go buy a cheap pair of black pants from Walmart or Goodwill if you have to. Those maternity pants carry meaning for you and are not simply "pants" anymore. They trigger a lot of emotions. It is not healthy to continue to wear them at this time.
You're right. I'm going into town tomorrow, I think I will buy a new pair to hold me over.
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Old 11-28-2011, 04:02 AM   #4
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My dear friend, I'm so sorry for your loss. Can I just give you a hug
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Old 11-28-2011, 04:19 AM   #5
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Dear ArtyKay, just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss.
I totally agree with Unna's words.
Sending you lots of positive energy.

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Old 11-28-2011, 04:25 AM   #6
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I am so very sorry for your loss. I understand how it feels to try for so long to get pregnant, the excitement when it finally, finally happens, and then the devastation of the loss. I'm so sorry you're going through that pain right now. Mine happened in June, after trying for 1.5 years to get pregnant. My pregnancy turned out to be ectopic, and the final resolution was an emergency laparotomy. With that surgery we learned the medical reason for my infertility, and that our only option for conception is IVF.

After the surgery I was in a lot of pain, both physical and emotional. I don't know whether it was healthy or not, but what helped me at the time was realizing that my weight, or at least my efforts toward weight loss, was something I could control. I had zero control over what happened to my pregnancy, zero control over my infertility or the medical condition behind it, and very little control over how quickly my body would recover from the surgery and be ready to work/exercise/start IVF. But my food intake - eating healthy and keeping a calorie deficit - THAT I could control, and I could focus on it and make positive progress in that one little space in my life. It made me feel better to do SOMETHING, to be able to effect some change in any area of my life, and the focus I applied to it helped to distract me as well.

I don't know whether focusing on something like that will be helpful for you right now or not, but I thought I would mention it since it was truly helpful for me. I'll also echo Unna's suggestion to get out for walks when you can - even short, slow ones, just getting outside in the fresh air and moving a little, will help.

Again, I'm so sorry. I wish you all the best.
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Old 11-28-2011, 08:13 AM   #7
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I'm with you and I wish I could offer you my hand and a hug. I'm so sorry for your loss. It was 13 years ago when I held my baby boy in my arms while he died. I was devastated, as you can imagine, but I am who I am and part of the pain was the postpartum body with no baby to show for it.

I'm with Unna. Get out of those maternity pants. It is worth the money spent to just buy something cheap and bigger that you can wear that doesn't have such strong meaning.

Fresh air and endorphins do wonders for the body and mind. A short stroll in the fresh air is wonderful. Do you have a memorial park for children? In my previous city, we had one nearby where I would walk and visit my son's name. I've never been an outdoorsy person, though, so I did most of my work on the treadmill, walking slowly at first.

Check out http://missfoundation.org/ and see if there is a local support group in your area. This might help you.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss!
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Old 11-28-2011, 08:32 AM   #8
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You've had some wise advice here, which I wholeheartedly agree with... so all I can offer is a sad and heartfelt to you.

Give yourself the time to grieve, journal, take walks.... work through these incredibly devastating feelings. And if you can do those things while taking control of your diet/doing something positive for your physical self, it can only help your emotional side to heal.

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Old 11-28-2011, 08:40 AM   #9
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I am so sorry for your loss. You have some good advice here , I especially like what chickadee had to offer.
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Old 11-28-2011, 09:53 AM   #10
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Arty,I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain. It will be a year dec. 19th since I lost my baby after trying to get pregnant. After the loss i gained 30 lbs. I was so depressed and was eating myself into oblivian.

You definately need to put the maternity pants away. Its heart breaking day after day putting those on.
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Old 11-28-2011, 10:11 AM   #11
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So sorry for your loss....Praying God's comfort.
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