I almost never talk about my weight or weight loss "in real life" unless someone else directly asks me about it. People obviously know I've lost weight and sometimes will comment on my food choices/gym habits, but I don't make a big production out of it- I just do what I do. I have a friend who is vaguely trying to lose weight and likes to use me as a sounding board- which I'm totally fine with- but she talks about it a LOT. Sometimes she'll ask me questions and I'll answer them, but I really just think she wants someone who isn't going to judge to listen to her. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't engage more or share more of my journey with her, but weight loss was such a painful subject for me for so long and my MO is definitely avoidance! Somehow it's different here with you Chicks, though .
I will say that I do spend a lot of time thinking about weight loss, planning/preparing food, going to the gym, logging on here, etc. While I don't know I'd call this self-absorbed, doing this does take time, focus and a lot of energy. But I don't think this is necessarily a bad thing!
My friends are also all trying to lose weight, so this topic does tend to come up in our conversations a lot. Sometimes, i think that is all we talk about! I don't consider it self - involved though, I listen to there tips, tricks and frustrations and they listen to mine equally.
Although I may talk to my boyfriend about it and little more then he would like. Then again he mostly hears about my frustration with the scale not moving, my bloating or even how much salt I think was in my dinner lol
I use 3FC to get the weight talk out of my system.
I just do not find it interesting to hear what anyone else eats (either here or IRL) and I can't imagine anything less interesting than hearing a friend tell me that she ate vegetables and a grilled chicken breast (or packets and half the farmers market in the blender) today. Again. Just like every other day for the past three, six, twelve, whatever, months.
I talk running with other runners, but I've learned that people who do not run (which is most of my IRL world) have no interest whatsoever at best, and often are turned off and feel defensive because it's not something they do.
I have the opposite experience- I've always felt pretty uncomfortable talking about myself. I'm just not a very open person. I don't know that I'd say that most of my conversations with people are about them, but I definitely am more of a listener than a talker. It does bother me sometimes, but not usually. I think a lot of it goes back to low self esteem and not feeling like I really have anything important or significant to say. But most of it is more my communication style and how I relate to people. So who knows, maybe that'll improve as I lose weight. I'd like for it to.
I HAVE noticed with friends who have lost weight or are in the process of losing weight, they often become more "self involved." I think it's because they are more confident and happy with themselves and feel more open in their relationships with people.
Self-involvement is what always tore me away from dieting. I was taught to put almost everyone's needs above mine (and also, unfortunately to resent it).
I find it difficult to give myself the appropriate amount of attention. In the past, to lose weight, I had to give up on everything else in my life. The hunger was such a formidable foe, that it took every ounce of my strength and attention to battle it (especially since I didn't consider it a successful battle unless I was losing weight quite rapidly).
I would get sick of weight loss being my only priority, and my reaction wasn't to step back, it was to quit (I only knew how to devote 100% to weight loss. I didn't know how, and didn't think it possible to devote only 50% to it).
This time I started "backwards" I made very small, gradule changes so that I didn't have to sacrifice everthing else.
And yet I still do struggle between too much and too little (which mirrors my food choices and pretty much all of the choices in my life as well -always too little or too much, never "just right.")
I don't stress about it too much, because I don't think any of us get it right. We all juggle with our priorities and sometimes drop a ball or too, or let our priorities slip and rearrange.
I love your posts. They are so insightful . This one is so true. I went through the same thing until I finally saw the light. And I am grateful that it finally clicked. I am struggling with, but slowly learning that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 09-04-2011 at 10:50 PM.
I think it's easy to fall into this type of mentality. In fact, I think our society is a "me-focused" society, and it's difficult not to fall into a selfish pattern. I make a special effort not to bring "me" into every conversation I have with someone. I really focus on what the other person is saying and try to discuss the subject that he/she is talking about. I try to show interest in that person (and I'm not faking it. I am interested; I just have to make an effort to communicate that interest more overtly).
Also, in terms of weight loss, I really only discuss it at length with my sisters and my mother because they're all interested in that subject. I don't like discussing it with others because I feel that it invites their advice, comments on "how I'm doing," etc., and I don't want that.
I just got into an argument with my boyfriend about this. He feels as though all i think about is my weight loss. It's so true because pretty much everything in my life is based on my becoming healthy through weight loss. I found it funny because he was telling me over and over again before i started my journey about how weight loss would be good for me. He even cheated because of me being fat now that I'm much thinner and he thinks i look alright i should stop focusing on my weight. F*ck you! Sigh... i just needed to vent. I'm not stopping my weight loss until I reach my goal forget what he wants.
Lin43, a lot of people say we are in a me focused society but I think this phrase is thrown around and people don't really go into what it means. I once heard someone say it in reference to divorce rates, that people are only concerned about their own happiness and leave marriages. For that reason. I have no idea if that has any truth to it, but I must say compared to 70 years ago where people, namely women, but I'm sure men too, stayed in abusive or very unhappy marriages that were very detrimental to that person's well-being, I'd say in some ways worrying about one's self happiness is important. Also do you have kids? Because NOTHING makes an individual less me focused that kids. People need to be me focused to a degree, because I can tell you putting yourself last all the time and having no focus on yourself is not mentally healthy, or physically healthy.
When I was younger and was not married or had no kids and had plenty of me time, whether it was to read, walk around the mall, or just take a shower when I wanted to, I would have agreed that this is a me focused society. Now that I can't even poop without being interrupted, I can't disagree more.
I think weightloss is a challenge and an achievement, and some of us talk about it a lot because maybe it's the only thing we are doing in our lives right now that IS about us. we should still be careful to notice when someone's eye glaze over while we talk and maybe stop before it gets to that point lol, but don't stop talking to people about it. Or come on here and post your heart out!
Btw took me like 30 mins to type this. Stopped like 20 times because someone in the house needed me for one of their needs.
Lin43, a lot of people say we are in a me focused society but I think this phrase is thrown around and people don't really go into what it means. I once heard someone say it in reference to divorce rates, that people are only concerned about their own happiness and leave marriages. For that reason. I have no idea if that has any truth to it, but I must say compared to 70 years ago where people, namely women, but I'm sure men too, stayed in abusive or very unhappy marriages that were very detrimental to that person's well-being, I'd say in some ways worrying about one's self happiness is important. Also do you have kids? Because NOTHING makes an individual less me focused that kids. People need to be me focused to a degree, because I can tell you putting yourself last all the time and having no focus on yourself is not mentally healthy, or physically healthy.
When I was younger and was not married or had no kids and had plenty of me time, whether it was to read, walk around the mall, or just take a shower when I wanted to, I would have agreed that this is a me focused society. Now that I can't even poop without being interrupted, I can't disagree more.
I think weightloss is a challenge and an achievement, and some of us talk about it a lot because maybe it's the only thing we are doing in our lives right now that IS about us. we should still be careful to notice when someone's eye glaze over while we talk and maybe stop before it gets to that point lol, but don't stop talking to people about it. Or come on here and post your heart out!
Btw took me like 30 mins to type this. Stopped like 20 times because someone in the house needed me for one of their needs.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. I do think that the divorce rate is high because people seem to care more about personal fulfillment than working it out with one's spouse. Also, I'm basing my opinion on the advent of Facebook and other social media sites where many feel as if the minutia of their everyday life is interesting enough to post for others to see. Beyond that, people don't seem as considerate of others as they did when I was growing up. It's little, everyday things like the person who talks on her cell phone in line, thereby making the transaction go slower, regardless of the fact that others are waiting. It's all about her and her conversation takes precedence over others waiting in line.
I realize that my opinion is not a popular one, but I see so much confirmation of it in everyday life that it would take a lot to convince me otherwise..
There is a big difference between having a somewhat narcissistic outlook on life and making "me" a priority.
There are simply far too many exhausted and overweight people in this world who refused to put themselves first, and at the end of the day if you aren't taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others properly.
When you get on a plane, the attendant makes sure to remind you to put YOUR mask on first, before putting on your child's. If you've passed out and have no air, then you can't help your child. IMO, a weight loss journey is like this. If I can't eat healthy and exercise properly for myself, then there's no way in **** I can model this for my child. So I put myself first. That doesn't mean I leave him in a crib to cry when I work out, but it does mean that he can play in his play area while watching me do treadmill intervals, if that's when it can get done. When he was very young and colicky, sometimes I had to skip a workout and that's okay.
We all struggled to balance healthy eating/exercise and other priorities. There's no shame in admitting you might lean too far towards one or the other at times, it's natural. If we all knew how to balance me/them every time, then most of us would not have ended up here in the first place.
There is a big difference between having a somewhat narcissistic outlook on life and making "me" a priority.
There are simply far too many exhausted and overweight people in this world who refused to put themselves first, and at the end of the day if you aren't taking care of yourself, you can't take care of others properly.
When you get on a plane, the attendant makes sure to remind you to put YOUR mask on first, before putting on your child's. If you've passed out and have no air, then you can't help your child. IMO, a weight loss journey is like this. If I can't eat healthy and exercise properly for myself, then there's no way in **** I can model this for my child. So I put myself first. That doesn't mean I leave him in a crib to cry when I work out, but it does mean that he can play in his play area while watching me do treadmill intervals, if that's when it can get done. When he was very young and colicky, sometimes I had to skip a workout and that's okay.
We all struggled to balance healthy eating/exercise and other priorities. There's no shame in admitting you might lean too far towards one or the other at times, it's natural. If we all knew how to balance me/them every time, then most of us would not have ended up here in the first place.
unless someone else directly asks me about it. People obviously know I've lost weight and sometimes will comment on my food choices/gym habits, but I don't make a big production out of it- I just do what I do. I have a friend who is vaguely trying to lose weight and likes to use me as a sounding board- which I'm totally fine with- but she talks about it a LOT. Sometimes she'll ask me questions and I'll answer them, but I really just think she wants someone who isn't going to judge to listen to her. Sometimes I feel bad that I don't engage more or share more of my journey with her, but weight loss was such a painful subject for me for so long and my MO is definitely avoidance! Somehow it's different here with you Chicks, though 
. 
