"Family doesn't get it sometimes, they think because they are familiar they don't have to extend regular courtesy that they would to a friend or stranger. That doesn't mean you have to put up with that."
I know what you mean! Family sometimes neglects to extend that courtesy to their family just because they're related. In some ways I think you should be even more courteous to your family because you are related. And I see your point. I think maybe I should try saying something in my defense...
"Besides, your wonderfully supportive friend (whom I think is all kinds of awesome, by the way) who so wants you to be there will be swimming, too."
Hehe thanks. She is awesome isn't she? There should be more people in the world that have a heart like hers. I'm honestly proud to be able to call her my friend.
"By the way, you are my height and you weigh fifty pounds less than I do, about what I weighed in high school. I go to the pool almost daily and let my huge wobbly thighs flap in the breeze. So far, no one who's seen me has gone blind, thrown up, shrieked in horror, attacked me with pitchforks and torches, or tried to roll me back into the pool after mistaking me for a beached sea creature. On the contrary, pretty much everyone who notices me at all just waves and smiles. Know why? Because they, like me and you and your friend and everyone else at the pool, are enjoying themselves too much to worry about whether other people should feel "entitled" to enjoy a swim, too. (Everyone's "entitled" to enjoy the pool regardless of their size, by the way--a lesson your mom could stand to learn, too.)"
Actually I'm in high school right now. Kinda. That actually makes me feel alot better. That someone else was exactly like I was. In my school most people are considerably thinner than I am so I usually feel like the loner. Haha you're really funny. You seem really confident in yourself and I really admire you for it. I bet your one of those people that practically RADIATE awesomeness, confidence, and beauty. So I'm sure you look great. :-) Thanks for saying I deserve to enjoy my swim. I know tomorrow when I go swimming with my friends I'll enjoy it even more now.
"Go anyway and prove her wrong that you are beautiful and that even if she can't believe in you, you believe enough in yourself and your friendship to go. For the first time this summer, I wore a two piece bathing suit, it's a skirt thing with halter top-the point isn't that I am wearing a tiny bikini--it's that I like the suit, it looks good on me, and I feel good enough to wear it. You are special, beautiful, and worthy of wearing whatever you want."
I really wish I could have that kind of confidence in myself. But I’m beginning to think that someday it might be an achievable goal for me. I have that same kind of suit too! I actually happen to think the halter top is cute. And the skirt makes me feel less exposed. I know I like it but sometimes I worry what other people think of me in it. Like the suit is cute but I’m not. Your response really touched me thank you so much for your kind words. You really are beautiful.
“I don't look at it as people being unsupportive intentionally, they just project their own fears and insecurities onto others.”
I never really thought of it that way. But now that you mention it… it makes a lot of sense.
“To a certain extent, I think we need to remember, that the attitudes of our mothers (and of one of my grandmothers, love her but, )are generational.”
Another excellent point! For a lack of better description she is rather “old fashioned”. And in some ways I’m sure she wasn’t trying to really hurt me I think she was just worried about other people’s impression of me.
“for what it's worth, ive worn a swimsuit to the pool and i still have a swimsuit and would wear it if/when we go and i've been WAY heavier than your stats say you are and i still am....i also can't swim at ALL and am somewhat afraid of the water but i'll still go the pool in a swimsuit if i have to (student field trips, taking my son, etc)”
So glad someone understand the whole not being able to swim thing. I’m always embarrassed about it… even more so since most of my friends are actually swimmers. If you can brave it I shall try to do the same. Thanks for the warm supportive advice! <3
“You've been presented with your friend's worldview and your mom's, and frankly, your friend's worldview is healthier. Now it is up to you to pick what YOUR worldview will be.”
Yes my friend has a very very good view of the world. Sometimes I have trouble concerning a good view of myself and my life. I know it’s rather skewed most of the time… somehow it’s easier for me to see others in a positive light.
“You're getting good support, you're conquering one of your fears, and you're getting an excellent form of exercise, all of which sound like a win to me.”
Thank you, haha now that you mention it I guess it’s a win-win-win situation! I guess I should try to be a bit more confident going into this now.
“but think about how many people you see in glasses, and how many more are wearing contact lenses. A good proportion of us wouldn't even be able to see you clearly!”
That’s actually really funny as I wear glasses myself. I know several people who are as blind as a bat. Thanks for that. It made me smile.
“Wow you're 135? That's tiny! Ignore your mother (that's what I do).”
Thankyou….but actually I’m not. I have a VERY petite figure. My frame is incredibly petite. I have narrow shoulders tiny hands and kind of a squat appearance so I appear to be quite heavy. Thank you so much though. <3
“Sometimes her over supportiveness demotivates me. But I've made a decision, and it's upto me to stick to it. In the end, nobody has a say in what I do or wear but me- so if I think its what I need to do, I will do it.”
Haha I guess if it’s not in moderation even supportiveness can be demotivational. And this is true you’ve gotta stick to your guns.
“I agree with what others are saying. Your mother is somehow projecting HER fears of swimming onto you. Thinking she's protecting you from all this VERY IMAGINARY criticism from others when it's actually she that is being the critical one.”
I’m not sure how imaginary the criticism is. From her it’s very evident and yet from other people in my life it’s similar. So I can’t help but wonder if other people that don’t necessarily say it… actually think it.
“I'd take it with a grain of salt, keeping in mind that she wouldn't be the best person for -weight loss advice- in the future.”
Yeah… I think probably going to someone who was a bit more positive would be more constructive.
“Remember why your sweet and caring best friends are organizing this get together in the first place. THEY WANT TO SEE YOU! They want to hang out with you. They want to have FUN! They don't care about your thighs. They don't care about your swimsuit. They just want to do something great on a hot summer day. They don't even care how you swim. You could stay in the shallow end and dog paddle around for all they care! They just want you there with them. ”
That made me feel so much better! I guess you’re right. I’m going there to hang out with my friends and I shouldn’t let my appearance and lack of confidence get in the way. They probably won’t care. We’ll probably sing loudly to music, play cards, a water balloon fight, and marco-polo in the pool. Thanks Lovely!
“You can't possibly be un-lookable for lack of a better word at only 135 pounds.
Just a little softness here and there or an inch more at a spot won't cause you embarassment... unless you sit at the side of the pool like some wet poodle.
Go and have fun. Smile a lot.”
Hahaha thank you Chubbykins. I’m 5ft 2 but I have a very petite frame. Just looking at my frame by itself I look small. If you put me next to other people I look shorter than I actually am duw to my proportions. Thank you so much though. “Wet poodle?” Hahha yeah I won’t do one of those. I’ll get in there and have some fun.
Thank you so much to everyone who posted here! You are all so kind and supportive. I hope someday I can repay your kindness in some way. Everybody really helped me out and I feel much better about going swimming now. I think eventually I might be able to completely conquer my fear of going out in a suit. :-)