It's been a while since I've been here. Life got in the way.
Anyway, I really slacked off going to the gym, but have been taking 5 mile walks with the dog a few times a week. Instead of obsessing over calories, I've been changing the types of food I eat.
Had some health stuff go on, I got put on celexa for anxiety, and that made me lose 22 lbs in a week.....to turn around and put about 13 of them back on.
Reunited with the first man that broke my heart.....as friends. Unfortunately, I still pine over him like a high school girl.
I am going to Europe at the end of the summer, to meet some of my family for the first time, and I'm terrified going there looking the way I look. (yikes!) My goal of 100 lbs down in 10 months has kind of been shot to you know what, and at this point, if I want that 100 lbs gone by august, I've got quite a way to go.
Had a pretty crappy blind date the other night. Was set up by a friend, and we really clicked over the phone and stuff. We went to go meet up for drinks, and when we met outside the restaurant, he said they were closing, and suggested we go somewhere else. We get into our respective cars, and he texts me saying, "no offense, but this isn't going to work out.".
Ouch.
Wasn't hurt about it, because if he is that shallow, then why waste my time....but it did make me take a really long, hard look in the mirror, and question the real reason why I'm still single. Over and over I am told, "you have a wonderful personality. you are intelligent. you are accomplished for your age. you are funny. you are fun to be around. you HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FACE (followed by, "but.......").
The only thing that keeps me going? That rekindled friendship between my ex. I have loved him since the day I met him. Part of me wants to spend my life with him, but I know that (how shallow is this....), my weight is the only thing that is preventing it. He's an ex-marine, built, skinny, muscular, beautiful.
Blah. Enough of the pity party from my end. I just needed to vent it out, and seek some kick in the pants feedback.
I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. People can be so hurtful and honestly, it is his loss and you are lucky the blind date guy did not waste your time.
Weight loss is a journey and it is HARD. You are a beatuful person inside and out. You deserve happiness and you will find it. Believe in yourself because I believe in you!!!
Best of luck in this journey my friend. Reach out when you need help!
Yes, people are hurtful. What makes it worse, is when someone pre-empts something by saying "no offense". The hackles get raised immediately, and the defenses go up.
I feel like I've been on a countless string of blind dates, first dates, whatever, that never go anywhere. It's the same excuse each time.
However, I know that those types of people are not the type I should even give a moment of my time to, or care about at all. I'm just sick of the same conversation, the same niceties, the same thing that goes nowhere.
BLAH i hate being a whiner like that.
However, it is nice to be able to vent, and I thank you for believing in me! I am so grateful there is such a great support group here, and we can all vent out these frustrations and struggles so openly, without judgement.
You are a stunningly gorgeous woman! That guy was out of his mind! I want to say that I also believe in you! I can tell from the way you write your posts that you have a very good attitude and that will get you very far.
Just take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Figure out what plan works best for you...what can you live with long term? You absolutely can do it! Check out the before/after goal photo album. Wow! It's so inspiring!
One step at a time is the only way to really accomplish anything, and I am such a results driven person, that when those results aren't achieved quickly, UGH, so frustrating!!!!
I know a lot of my lack of motivation is now I live by myself. I've lived with guys for the past six or seven years, and living with guys....well, a girl has to watch herself! Living by myself for the first time in a very long time, has somehow made me think it's okay to plop my booty on the couch and play internet all day long, and watch movies, instead of getting out there, going four wheeling, camping, and taking care of a household.
I've looked at the before and afters, and yes, very inspiring. I hope to be able to throw pictures of myself up there soon! It's an adjustment.....one day at a time.
You WILL get to where you want to, by the small changes and steps that add up to big results. Those "oh, so frustrating" too see ounces instead of pounds drop off at times. But hang in there.
On the dating front, are most of your first dates that don't proceed with people that you've not met yet - (set-ups or online friends, etc.)? If so, maybe be forthright with your friends and say this is what happened and I don't want that anymore - if it's going to be a setup, suggest that you all meet together somewhere first maybe even without you knowing which guy it might be, so there's no odd feelings and no pressure on either side, but you get to meet the guy/s and they, you ... you can see how they are and vice versa - you might not want to go out with someone who constantly interrupts or gets sloshed right off the bat, etc. - this would prevent that, as well.
Any groups where you are that you could join and get to know folks that way - adventure groups are around this area - all singles - and do things from hiking and canoeing to baking, wine tastings, attending baseball games, etc.
Eh, it's setups from friends, online stuff, people I know "in real life"....
if it's someone i've "never met", i'm not deceptive, i'm not portraying an illusion of something I'm not. I guess from the chest up, I don't look as heavy as I am, I carry everything in my stomach and hips, which, with the insane amount of black clothing i wear, it doesn't always appear that way.
It's not that there is a lack of activity, or requests, just.......oh em gee, the same thing, over and over.
I could go on and on about how i am "super duper Bestie BFF's attatched at the hip exchanging friendship bracelets like we were thirteen year old girls" friends with a man I am head over heels in love with, but cannot be in a relationship with......and that may be the problem. I compare everybody to him.....and nobody can measure up, so I chalk the 'failed' first dates to not being anywhere close to him. BLAH.
I am over the top in awe of you. I absolutely adore your attitude and I wish I had just one ounce of self confidence you have when it comes to meeting people. I have chosen not to date in almost 2 years. Even though I am reasonably attractive (face wise), well put together (clothes wise), smart and witty, it was the extra 50 pounds I was carrying around that stopped me from seeing the light of day. Literally. I made “friends” with guys online but they were far enough away where it was safe – well, that is until recently but that’s another story. But then, and even now, I was not in a position mentally to be or feel rejected. Even if the chances were good that I wouldn’t be.
And even though you have “been there and done that” with meeting shallow people or those who aren’t interested in one reason or another, I give you so many KUDOS for pulling yourself back up and going back out there again! Like I said, I wish I had just an ounce of whatever you got going on!!
I don’t have any advice but just wanted to let you know you’ve been heard!
Aww, your story sound so similar to mine! Honestly I feel like my life (at least in respect to dating) is on hold due to my weight. My self esteem issues are not totally imaginary and 100% due to not being confident, it is a result of being uncomfortable (literally physically uncomfortable) in one's skin + living in a society where people are very judgmental about appearance. I too am one of those "but you'd be so gorgeous if you lost weight, you have a beautiful face!" Am sooo sick of hearing that! My motivation is imagining myself in the future, having people treat me so much differently because I lost weight (and I know they will), and giving everyone the finger! Feeling sad and hopeless just makes you want to go back into your shell, to retreat from life. Keep your chin up and stay motivated, visualize your future and aim for it. I also have family abroad and I definitely will not see them until I lose weight! I also want to crap on them when I finally do see them, because they pretty much have all gained weight (some of them a lot) since I last saw them.
It's been a bit, but, need new motivation.
!
