Has anyone else noticed how awkward it is to lose weight/be healthy? I know one thing that makes me SUPER uncomfortable is when people comment on how I am being healthy; like for example, tonight at Red Lobster my friend would not stop talking about healthy my dinner was (1/2 portion rainbow trout, asparagus, and broccoli). I know it sounds weird to complain about compliments about eating habits, but my belief that is my eating habits are my own and unless I start to display overt symptoms of an eating disorder, I would rather people just left it alone. It puts me on the spot and I know she is jealous because she says she can't go very long on a healthy eating plan (even though I am just pulling myself out of my extremely bad eating).
Has anybody else experienced this- attempts at compliments that are just really awkward?
Last edited by girlonfire; 01-16-2011 at 02:12 AM.
I know exactly what you mean. I love Red Lobster! I usually get the sirloin, the walt's favorite shrimp, mashed potatoes, potato soup and I usually have one biscuit. Before I started my journey I'd also have soda, but now I've totally cut soda out of my life. I found an app that tells you the calorie amounts of food at restaurants and found out my favorite meal at Red Lobster is a wopping 1300 calories!!! I was so disappointed. I recently had this meal for my birthday, I figured it was high so I planned for it but I didn't realize exactly how high it was.
Now on to the awkward part, I was at a restaurant with my MIL recently and ordered a salad and a chicken sandwich and she was very weirded out by my choices. My in-laws have been trying to get me to be healthy for a very long time and it was like she was shocked that I was finally doing it. Now that I am finally getting healthy and making better choices, it's like they don't want me to. I can't tell you how many times the fam has tried to get me out to pizza. I know a slice won't kill me, but it's my biggest weakness. I know I won't just have a slice or two, I'll eat half the pizza. So I am staying away from it for now.
@ Peachy, Yes! People I work with eat out Every. Single. Night. Of course I have these nice pretty prepared meals I bring and they stare like I have green skin and antennae on the top of my head. Dont even get me started on my fat southern family at KeepChristInChristmasTime. I started my diet this past December and refused to eat the comfort food. They had less of a reaction when I told them I was an athiest.
@ Lauren. Tonight at work one of the guys offered pizza. Pizza! That creamy cheesy bready goodness that you cant eat just one but maybe stick your face in the whole thing and inhale until its gone food. I could smell it down the hall. I was salivating at the smell and glaring at my fruit cocktail. Ahh good times, good times. No I'm lying. Bad times bad times. I see a 300 calorie breakfast in my future.
Last edited by The Last Noel; 01-16-2011 at 04:39 AM.
For me it depends on who's commenting. If it someone in my life that already makes healthy food choices...ok which is pretty much no one, but lets say a coworker. I get the most support from coworkers. I don't feel awkward. We are all in healthcare and we have no reason we don't want to see each other healthier.
Now if its from someone I know has a long history of making poor food choices, and having the misery loves company attitude, and their comments reak of jealousy. I generally dont like it. But I will still give them a thank you and try to move on from the topic.
I, myself, am pretty socially awkward in general. Not creepy awkward (I hope!) but I do have trouble with knowing the right thing to say at any given time.
Some awkward compliments and my awkward responses since I've been losing weight -
Friend: You're half the woman you used to be!
Me: Uhh . . . .
Friend: I almost didn't recognize you! You look so different.
Me: Well, um, but I'm still the same person.
Friend: Well, yeah, that's not what I meant.
Silence.
Friend: You've been working really hard. You look great.
Me: Well, um, maybe a little. (Yes, I know this one made NO sense!)
Friend: You've lost a buttload of weight!
Me: (Uncontrollable laughter.)
Friend: You're so skinny!
Me: I'm definitely NOT skinny.
Silence.
Since it's so hard to tell tone in print, I should say that all of these compliments were well-intentioned, delivered with smiles and goodwill. I just . . . am really, really bad at replying appropriately.
As far as healthy choices go, I agree with you - don't comment on my food/activity choices, and I won't comment on yours. If you're genuinely asking questions because you're interested, then great, but otherwise, don't we have better things to talk about?
Jenmusic, I might be wrong, but it sounds like its uncomfortable for you to accept a compliment. (Assuming its a genuine compliment and not a left handed one. And I hate that term for it, as I am left handed!!!).
I felt like that for years, and still do. My response to any compliment was to deny it or say nothing. Not just about my weight, but anything. If someone said my hair looked nice, I had to either say something like "oh this rat nest, I hate it" or I'd said nothing at all.
But then one day someone pointed out to me, that first, it was kind of rude to refute a compliment. I put myself on the giving end, and how it would feel to give someone a compliment, and to have them shoot it down, especially if I knew it was the same person that could never just take a compliment.
Secondly, it was told to me that it would feel a lot better, if I just said "thank you."...and you know, it did.
So I practiced. And I try when someone compliments me, to simple say thank you. (sometimes, I end up refuting it before I can just say thank you, but I'm getting better) Its nice because they are 2 simple words, so I can't forget them or mess them up. (I know I get a little lost for works when I get uncomfortable)
After awhile you'll start to feel good when someone gives you a compliment. Not all compliments are going to be, um, clean cut. People have their own way of saying things, and some compliments may seem awkward, but really its because some people may not be smooth with words. But you should enjoy all the compliments you receive just the same. You deserve to enjoy compliments people pay you!
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 01-16-2011 at 09:05 AM.
I have this horrible feeling that my friends like me less now that I watch what I put into my mouth. What a sad world we live in when it's "weird" to want to be healthy and live long.
It's hard for those around us to compliment us on our weight loss.
Basdically any comment that we have lost weight and look good carries with it the unsaid implication that we were fat and looked bad before, and no one wants to say that because it's rude, even if it was true.
There was a girl that came to my choir who started losing weight and she began to look really fab. She wasn't very large, maybe a size 14 - chubby rather than fat.
I was talking to her parents one day and they were telling me how worried they were that she was losing so much weight (they are both very overweight) and that it wasn't healthy and she was refusing to eat. But she was at a very healthy weight for a girl her age and height (15 years old and about 5'8" tall). She looked amazing - not too skinny - but beautifully slim.
She had done so well, and all they could do was put her down.
She was probably just refusing to eat the food they gave her as it was so unhealthy and they had no idea.
Anyway, I have digressed a bit - the point is, that it took me so long to compliment her on her weight loss, but when I did, her face just lit up and she was so pleased that I had noticed.
So learn to accept compliments graciously - as the person giving it to you means it with a good heart!!
I find awkward when people make a comment that I look a lot better, or that I am not as big as I was. It makes me feel horrible, like I was some gigantic freak, and I didn't realize it. I did not feel that big or overweight. I just hate it when someone points it out. It makes me feel like they lied to me or was not honest about how I looked before. I dunno. It just makes me feel ashamed of myself.
*I haven't lost much yet in this round of WL, but from my past experience I guess I'm just easy to please Anyone gives me a compliment and I'm wearing a big smile with 'Oh, thank you!' coming out of my mouth. The big smile is genuine, I'm happy that it is starting to show because I'm a nut about instant gratification.
This time around I am working with all men soooo its only a matter of time before someone starts giving me crap about the cottage cheese and apples in the fridge. That will feel awkward for me, because any comment that I will see for a good long while WILL be teasing, that is just the way these guys are. So, I'll be the fat girl eating carrot sticks for awhile, but then later I'll be the healthy girl who brings healthy food to work - so I will just have to not let it get to me.
I am lucky in the friends dept. My two best friends have both lost a significant amount of weight and have been so supportive, but waiting I think, for me to join them. I'm the type who has tried and true 'BEST friends', and 'acquantences' (sp) who are great, but their opinion doesn't affect me.
Last edited by BigBlueStar; 01-16-2011 at 10:55 AM.
Oddly, I really don't experience this. But my eating habits haven't change dramatically either. My portions have changed, and now and then someone will say something about that. But there's very little I won't eat. It bugs people that I won't drink pop. LOL! "But it's free." I pass on doughnuts at work and someone generally will say something about that, and yes, it's annoying. Mostly though, I surround myself with supportive people who are either in the middle of losing weight themselves or have watched me struggle for years and years. Once I stopped telling my mom how much more I wanted to lose, life got good.
If someone comments about my food choices being healthy, I generally reply by saying something about the food also being delicious. If the comment was well meant I don't mind further discussion, but if it was backhanded or jealous then I try to change the subject nicely.
GlamourGirl - I say backhanded rather than left handed. I do it very purposefully as my father and nephew are lefties, as is my ex with whom I am still friends, and I have even had a left pawed cat. I am basically right handed, but pretty close to ambi.
I have used a multitude of coping phrases when confronted with comments from others. I will share a few and maybe you'll find something that works for you.
MIL says: Oooh, look at her plate. She's being such a good girl. No rolls for her. Me: To be honest, I don't really care for canned rolls. It's not that difficult to pass up. (since I made the dinner I don't consider this rude).
While eating out with a friend, she says: I don't know how you eat like that. Me: If I had your waist line, I wouldn't worry about what I put in my mouth either. But I don't, so I do. (I just gave her a compliment so there is no back talk and we go on our merry way).
Over at a friends house: But one won't hurt! Me: I can't stop at one. It's a drag sometimes but since my health has improved so much it just isn't worth it. I then proceed to bore them with my lowered blood sugar numbers, cholesterol and blood pressure.
Each and every conversation is different. Sometimes I sense people feel guilty about their own choices and maybe feel judged. Sometimes people feel sorry for me, because they know I love food and I'm missing out on things I used to love to eat. I always make it about me, what I'm getting out of it and the benefits to me. I think they feel less judged and I think they then see I'm not missing out because I'm so much healthier. I try for an open dialogue and transparency but I also try to keep it brief. But really in the end, I don't have any friends who want me to risk my health. I've been really open about my health issues and so they have a clear understanding of what I risk if the weight doesn't come off and stay off. In the beginning I played the doctor card ruthlessly--who's gonna argue with my doctor????
I will say, that as time goes on people comment less and less on what I'm doing. It's just kind of normal now. I can pretty much go anywhere and find something to eat so it's not like anyone has to go out of their way to feed me. Although I will say, 99% of my friends and family will make a point of having foods that I do eat and like. They love me So, I will field a few comments on occasion and try to not take offense.
But, I also have to admit I don't have to deal with anyone who wants to sabotage me. They may feel sorry for me sometimes but they are quick to let it go.
Yah I had one person at work tell me that I was going to look so cute when I lost weight, hm, thanks Another co-worker tell me that they were happy to see my losing weight as my diet was pretty horrible before that. Seriously?? I mean it was sometimes but I didn't eat most of my unhealthy food at work, imagine if she saw what I ate at home! Now that I am eating healthy I had another co-worker ask me how I was losing weight as all I seem to do is eat now. Granted I am eating a lot through the day but fruits and healthy snacks, but this comment stung as I am still pretty sensitive about my weight and for someone to point out that I am always eating hurt my feelings.
The wonderful world of awkardness
Anyone gives me a compliment and I'm wearing a big smile with 'Oh, thank you!' coming out of my mouth. The big smile is genuine, I'm happy that it is starting to show because I'm a nut about instant gratification.
I pass on doughnuts at work and someone generally will say something about that, and yes, it's annoying. Mostly though, I surround myself with supportive people who are either in the middle of losing weight themselves or have watched me struggle for years and years. Once I stopped telling my mom how much more I wanted to lose, life got good. 
Another co-worker tell me that they were happy to see my losing weight as my diet was pretty horrible before that. Seriously?? I mean it was sometimes but I didn't eat most of my unhealthy food at work, imagine if she saw what I ate at home! Now that I am eating healthy I had another co-worker ask me how I was losing weight as all I seem to do is eat now. Granted I am eating a lot through the day but fruits and healthy snacks, but this comment stung as I am still pretty sensitive about my weight and for someone to point out that I am always eating hurt my feelings.
