I have been stuck in that same place I get stuck in when I have been moving forward and then binge. This pattern has been repeating for a long time. Any progress I make gets undone when I eventually binge and get and stay off track for a long time.
I had come up with a plan I designed to try to target and overcome the obstacles I generally face when trying to get healthy and fit. The plan included:
Switching from thousands of calories a day in sugar/junk to approximately 1200 calories a day in whole, nutritious foods.
Removing all trigger foods (sugars, etc.) because with a sugar addition/binge disorder I knew that if I went off track I’d be in trouble.
Exercising regularly and trying to build up my fitness levels.
Listening to my body. With exercise this meant if I had more energy, workouts might be harder/ longer/two workouts on a day, or if I was tired and run down workouts might be less time/intensity or take a day off. With nutrition this meant days when I was less hungry or didn’t work out as much calories might go to 1100, and on days when I was hungrier or worked out more calories might go to 1400.
Regular accountability with nutrition and exercise so that I knew I was “checking in” somewhere and that what I was doing was somehow visible, both to myself and to some place/community outside myself, and therefore I couldn’t pretend/forget/hide from myself that I was actually trying to do something.
Recognizing and celebrating when I hit mini-goals, so that I would be aware of my progress and not be able to pretend/forget/hide from myself that I was moving forward.
Reaching out to connect with others, giving support to others and asking for support from others so that I would have a sense of community while embarking on a significant life change.
When goal had been reached and at maintenance for a while, experiment with upping calories to maintain, and adding in low glycemic foods that were being avoided during the losing phase so as to not trigger the sugar addiction/binge disorder. (Obviously did not make it this far.)
I think my plan was sound, no crazy fad diets, no starving or things that were not sustainable. And I had positive reinforcement (which theoretically should motivate someone to keep going) in that after a month on this plan I felt better and stronger, had more energy and a clearer head, was breathing better, generally felt more optimistic, and reached some mini-goals that I had not seen in a really long time.
But then the thing I’d feared happened, I binged. And there were negative consequences (which theoretically should encourage someone to stop or change what happened) in that the sugar/junk tasted horrible and foreign, made me gag, made me feel sick. I actually thought that that might mean that I was somehow “freed” from it (the sugar addiction/binge disorder), because it was so horrible, and thought that maybe this was the time when I was actually going to “do it” and “keep going” (the new healthier lifestyle).
But that’s not what happened. What happened instead is what has happened for years, which is I have not really been able to get back on track, and have completely ruined all the progress I made. It has been so bad that even as I go to get the sugar/junk food, I think to myself, I don’t even want this (the sugar/junk) and “this is it” after this I am “out” I am free and this is over. And that has turned into five and a half weeks of I will start tomorrow, I will start today, I will start…. But I haven’t.
I really had hoped to be like all of you lovely people who have been able to make successful changes and keep them up. I so want(ed) to be one of you who say things like “you don’t try, you do” or “you don’t rely on motivation you rely on commitment” and all of those wonderful, rational, powerful things.
But I honestly feel pathetic and sad. I want to be able to keep going, and to consider this last detour (in a long line of detours) just another part of the overall picture and keep going. I want to focus on the huge strides I’d made during that month, which was the longest time I’d stayed on track and gone without a binge in years, and during which time I turned things around and reached mini-goals I hadn’t seen in years (all of which are of course now undone). I want to use that experience to let myself know that I can do this and that I can keep going, and that like the rest of you I can be healthy.
I had a health scare this last year, one of many reasons why I was trying again to get healthy. In the last five weeks, I had another one. I know that I am fortunate that they were just “scares.” And I know my health depends on being able to move forward. But I feel worn out. Because I seem to keep messing up. And because I’ve been helping to care for people who have been ill for some time now, and recently had a friend receive a heartbreaking diagnosis. All of which have taken emotional tolls. And leave me struggling to finds ways to take care of myself instead of pushing myself aside in favor of putting someone else before myself.
For those of you who finally overcame your own obstacles, maybe especially cases where you felt you had some form of food addiction, and/or dealt with self-sabotage, how did you finally, once and for all, get over them long enough to get to goal, and then keep getting over them to stay in maintenance?
Thanks in advance to anyone who read this (sorry it’s so long) and thanks in advance to anyone willing to offer some advice/help.
I’ve updated my ticker, only one pound less than I was nine and a half weeks ago. That means, yes, after losing twenty pounds I’ve gained back nineteen. Horrible sigh.
Ok, I’m accounted for. As pathetic and painful as it was.
Oh skygirl! I am sorry you are in "that" place. You are not Pathetic! Lots of us have been there. And lots of us go "there" still. I don't have a magic wand to fix the problem for you (if I did I would definately use it for me and everyone here). At least you are admitting your downfall, and seeking help. I think this sight is the number one reason, I am finally making slow progress. So many people here have the same problems, and are willing to talk, and support each other. I really hope someone has the right words to help you get re-motivated. Sometimes just getting it off your chest, is so helpful. That all being said, the one thing that sticks out from your plan is the number of calories. There is a lot of debate about the right level. All I can tell you is I use the dailyplate, and went by their calorie recommendation, and it was much higher than I thought I should eat. But when I follow the plan, choosing mostly whole, healthy foods, I am Never hungry, I don't binge, and I lose 2 pounds per week. I know it is slow, but not being hungry is key for me not to shove anything and everything in my mouth. Oh also, I do much better when I plan everything the night before, so I Do Not have to stand in the kitchen thinking about it. I really hope you find the right balance for you. I want to invite you to the chicks up for a challenge thread, maybe you can find one to join. I am on the September weight loss, and Sept exercise challenge, and we would love to help support you there. Either way, You are worth being the best you can be! May God bless you with the knowlegde and understanding to take excellent care of yourself. good luck!
I agree you are not pathetic. I am back after putting on some weight I worlked so hard to loose. I went thru a seperation, went back to schoolas a single mom of 4 and then once in school found out I was having baby#5. So excercise stopped (morning sickness was horrible) and I didn't always make the right food choices.
You are here looking for suport which says alot. I agree your cals may be too low. I started like that also my first time around and ended up taking the advice aof some of the girls here and uped them I currently cosume 1500-1600 cals but everyone is different, the last thing you want is your body to feel as if it is starving then it will hang on to the fat uinstead of letting it go.
I usually had 2 tickers going one for my long term and my short term one it always felt good to have to make a new ticker
I know that, as a person who's lost 40 pounds over about 4 years (not fast!), I'm the strange one, around here--but what's the rush, skygirl? You could take off your weight in about *one* year by losing a pound a week, which most people around here would call slow. And you could lose a pound a week or more at 1500 calories a day, and even kick it up to more than that if you're exercising. One year is nothing! And at that rate, you can ease into the kinds of habits you want to make, the *particular* foods that will be the ones you live with, etc. Make one change a week instead of ten all at once.
I have a housemate who's a big yo-yo-er. He loses weight really fast by eating a diet built around carrots and oatmeal, regains it immediately, repeats. He cuts out too much, too fast, and eats too little (1200 a day).
So my recommendation? Do one thing at a time. Eat more than you were on your last diet. Get comfortable with a routine that doesn't demand so much of you that you have to think about it *all* the time. You'll still have to think about it; every meal, you'll have to want to make good choices, on some level--just not obsessively. Then add more healthy choices, gradually--so that it settles in as a lifestyle. It doesn't all have to come together tomorrow. You just have to do better than you did the last few weeks.
Focus on a couple of your goals, like getting all the nutrients you need--fruits, veggies, good proteins, good fats--and keep connecting. Things like cutting out all added sugar would be too extreme for me. "Eat less sugar"--that, I've sustained. Most days, the only added sugar I get is honey in my yogurt and raw sugar in my tea (so kind of a lot!). But the psychology of eliminating it altogether--I would rebel against that, I think.
Thank you all so much, I really appreciate the help and support.
I will take a look at my calories since you all mentioned they might be too low. I thought that for my weight/height/age a 1200-1400 calories a day range was reasonable for the losing stage, and that I would increase for maintenance. But maybe I was off on that (?).
I didn't really "feel hungry" on the plan. I was eating lots of food, protein and veggies and healthy fat. The thing that I struggled with was the cravings for the sugar (addiction/binge issues). I even experimented with making myself eat more calories for a few days, in an effort to offset the cravings, but that just left me feeling overly full because it wasn't really hunger. When I finally did binge, I didn't feel hungry, just overwhelmed with the cravings. I hope that makes sense, the distinction I'm making between hunger and cravings. But I'm willing to try anything, so maybe more experimentation with calories would be a good idea.
The main things I cut out were things that can trigger binges for me, because when I have tried in the past to just reduce/control those things, I haven't been able to. When I have them (trigger foods), I think about them even more than when I'm not having them (which is still a lot), and/or just end up in a binges/series of binges.
As for feeling hurried, I think it's true that I do feel a sense of urgency, for a few reasons, one is because I gain so quickly/easily that I would like to be as close to a healthy range as possible so that if I end up cycling (eg up and down 5-10-15 pounds even) then it's all in a healthier weight/bmi range for my height.
I also feel a real sense of urgency to overcome the sugar addiction and get to a healthy weight range because sugar feeds cancer cells, and because excess fat on the body increases estrogen output, which also feeds (some) cancer cells, and because abdominal fat is particularly metabolically active in negative ways.
I have had two health scares recently and I think that having that in my mind is what allowed/helped me to be able to "make it so far" this time, ie stay on plan for a month. Though obviously this sense of urgency has not yet been enough to help me end the addiction for good yet, which has been frustrating and sad.
Having said that, though, I didn't *think* I was doing anything extreme or unreasonable, though I think I did end up losing more that month than I would have thought I would, but I think that is because my body holds a lot of water when I eat junk and when I stop that the water comes off. Over time I would expect that rate of loss to slow dramatically because that initial water would be gone.
I'm not giving up the fight yet, but in my really down moments I have wondered if it wouldn't just be less stressful to stop trying, since I keep messing up. I try not to spend too much time with those kinds of thoughts.
I was/am so disappointed in myself. I keep thinking about it and wondering: When I created my plan, did I miss something? Or, is there just something missing from me, some kind of ability/skill/discipline/potential?
Accountability & A Request For Help
good luck!
