(Mods, feel free to move this if it’s not in its proper place.) This is just something I was thinking about, and I decided that I’d share my thoughts.
The other day, my boyfriend was telling me how he saw an extremely obese woman riding a scooter into the Y. He then asked me how someone could get to that weight. (He wasn’t disgusted by the woman or anywhere close to it, he was just genuinely curious as to how that could happen.) At the time I told him that it’s not just physical, but mental.
Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I’ve realized that he and others like him are asking the wrong question. The question is really why people become overweight or obese, not how. I think everyone here knows how they gained weight or, for those like myself who have been overweight the majority of their lives, how they never lost weight. Discerning how we gained or never lost weight is not difficult if we’re honest with ourselves. Discovering why we gained or never lost weight is incredibly difficult; it’s a knot of emotional issues that is hard to untangle.
All too often people, even people who should know better, assume that others are obese because they just don’t have the willpower not to be. I think that if more people realized that it’s a question of why and not how we might make progress towards dealing with obesity as a social issue.
I think the hows and the whys are important, but I think they're both often overlooked. The assumptions can drive the treatment attempts, and may be ineffective because of the assumptions.
I spent most of my life thinking that the "why" had to be social, emotional or mental. I never guessed that it was physiological (it's really the only avenue I never pursued, because I thought low-carb eating was unhealthy, so I never attempted it). I thought emotional problems drove my eating, and eventually learned that my eating (the carb content) was causing the emotional problems.
The whys and the hows are both important. There are no universals in obesity. There are genetic, physiological, biological, cultural, social, financial and emotional factors, and the role and importance of each is unique to the individual.
I was taught to believe that only severe emotional problems could result in morbid obesity. To be "that fat" you had to be really messed up in the head. I suspect it was the motivation for choosing psychology as my field of study, both as an undergraduate and in graduate school (for my M.A. degree) - trying to figure myself out.
The answer was truly so simple, it was right under my nose and I never explored it. Low-carb eating actually solves all of my emotional issues - I'm a saner, more rational person when I avoid high-carb foods and keep my overall carb content low. I suspect a primarily genetic issue (for a lot of reasons).
It's taken me nearly 40 years to find the solution to my problem, because I was looking for my answers (for both the hows and the whys) in the wrong place.
Suspecting physiological problems when the how/whys are psycho-social, or suspecting psycho-social when the how/whys are physiological will both likely result in ineffective treatment. We need better diagnostic tools and better treatment strategies, for now experimentation is all we've got. Often people fail because they repeat the same experiment, expecting new results despite past experience.
“If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.”
I so agree with this. Although I would never go around saying this, I have always felt that many people who are overweight may have underlying psychological issues that they need help with (myself included). I doubt if anyone would deliberately choose to be unhealthy and deprive themselves of pride of appearance. I also understand that some medical conditions contribute to obesity, but most of them can be overcome with effort. I have heard people say that they simply "love food" as a reason for their overweight. This does not ever ring true to me.
Your observation is correct: The "why" is always important. The "how" we already understand. Our society judges from the outside, and sees only
lack of willpower.
I highly disagree that everyone who is overweight has a "why" or even a "how". Sometimes it's just what is. Personally, I had to find out the right weight loss combination that would work for me and the number one factor has been patience coupled with simply making a commitment to a plan. We live in a very fast paced society and all, ALL weight loss advertisements, which are EVERYWHERE, spout about getting the weight off in 6 weeks. We want it now. Anything less than immediate is considered sub-par.
Getting over that mental factor has been the secret to my success. I never took my weight gain casually. I have been fighting it tooth and nail since the day it started piling on. I have no mental hang ups about it, no bingeing problems, and for the most part, I love myself.
Hmm.. interesting topic. I have to say that, for *some* people, there may not really be a why. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My eating habits before losing weight weren't really THAT bad. Honestly. The problem was my portion control. I mean, I NEVER ate fast food, literally. I stayed away from the majority of processed food type stuff at the grocery store. I ate plenty of vegetables, fruits and proteins. I even bought whole wheat in place of white whenever I had the option. It was never in hopes of losing weight, it was just kind of my lifestyle.
I never exercised, though. For some reason, I had told myself that the "average" busy, working and college going woman just didn't have the time. (Maybe this is even true, statistically. How many people REALLY do work out regularly?)
Anyway, if anyone is interested in some math: I recently looked up the calories to maintain my weight when I was heavy, and although the calculator may be off, the number I got was 2384 calories a day. Like I said, it may be somewhat off, but even if I count how many pounds a week I lost at the beginning of my journey. Let's say 3 pounds/week. So that's 3500 X 3, right? Which is 10,500 calories/week that I ate in addition to the 1200/day (or 8400/week) that I ate in the new plan. So, I ate 2700/day (10,500 + 8400, then divide that by 7). BUT, in my new plan, I worked out every day. I burned A LOT of calories because I was out of shape and heavy. If I burned even 400/day, that would mean that before I started I was eating... 2300/day.
Anyway, I know this is very long winded but it's actually something I've been thinking about. Everyone assumes that there are "reasons." Jillian Michaels always tries to get through to contestants and find the root. Is it possible that some people just eat too much and don't realize it? I understand that this is absolutely not the case for everyone, but some people? Does there have to be something wrong with me psychologically?
I highly disagree that everyone who is overweight has a "why" or even a "how". Sometimes it's just what is.
Well, there's always a how. You know, the physical explanation. But otherwise, I agree with what you are saying. I have no emotional hangups with food. None. I have wavering self-esteem at times, but I've thought about it a lot and concluded that I definitely don't have emotional eating problems.
No, for me it was as simple as falling victim to societies dietary standards and not realizing it. Sharing half a bowl of Mac' N Cheese and a burger isn't a normal lunch? What? (Thanks hubby...) My mother doesn't calorie count, she believes in just eating a round diet, when you're hungry, and you eat what you need. Eh, not so simple for everyone. In high school, not an issue. College? Well, my caveman, eat-when-you-can and as-much-as-you-can instincts combined with out of whack portions everywhere you looked for weight gain and poor knowledge of nutrition.
There was no "why". Just ignorance, more or less. (I knew better, I think, at some point. It just a long time to admit that I couldn't eat the way I wanted to. Which is to say, what I'd become accustomed to.)
So, for some there will be deeper "why" issues worth going in to. But it would be completely impossible to look at a person and know. There are just too many possibilities, and not every one of them is going to go deeper than the surface. For some, it really is just ignorance, laziness, health problems, etc.
I guess the easy answer is that the "how" is obvious and the "why" is not obvious, or even universal.
I grew up obese and never really had a chance to know thin properly. I knew thin bitterly, as something I wanted but didn't know how to obtain. I knew thin as clothing sizes and popularity. I didn't know (or wouldn't accept, what have you) thin as health and happiness. So that may be why I never tried to lose weight - because I was trying to acheive happiness through everything except healthiness. It's complicated, but that's probably my reason when it boils down to it.
The "how" is bad eating habits, not exercising, not taking responsibility for ourselves, and all of that lovely mumbo jumbo. The "why" cannot be so easily explained, in my eyes, because it's different for everyone.
This still doesn't make it any easier to answer people when they ask me why I decided to lose weight! I always say "health" but it's really not that simple.
Is it possible that some people just eat too much and don't realize it? I understand that this is absolutely not the case for everyone, but some people?
While I've got other issues going on like PCOS/IR, I agree with this.
Some foods just don't trigger my "fullness" button. I can put away a Mcdonald's meal worth 1000 calories and just not feel full!
But I make a burger and a baked potato at home and I'm stuffed.
A whole loaf of the "puffy ballon bread" kind of loaves is nothing. I bake bread myself and one slice is filling.
Ready to eat cereals are like air. Rolled oats? Quite full after that.
I think there's something about manufactured/processed food that is messed up somehow. And if people have a lot of that going on in their diet, they may eat more just because they aren't feeling full.
I do think that America's view on food has ruined a lot of people, especially families. The view that bigger is better and junk food is a required staple in every household is pretty massive. It's commonplace to buy several cases of soda, candy bars, ice-cream, frozen pizza, and other processed garbage at the store, then stop at McDonald's on the way home, and then "pretend" you've cooked a meal by slapping together Hamburger Helper.
We are lazy and everything has become easy to accommodate us. Food isn't food anymore, it's chemicals and drugs, but we're too tired to fight against it.
Hmm.. interesting topic. I have to say that, for *some* people, there may not really be a why. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My eating habits before losing weight weren't really THAT bad. Honestly. The problem was my portion control. I mean, I NEVER ate fast food, literally. I stayed away from the majority of processed food type stuff at the grocery store. I ate plenty of vegetables, fruits and proteins. I even bought whole wheat in place of white whenever I had the option. It was never in hopes of losing weight, it was just kind of my lifestyle.
I never exercised, though. For some reason, I had told myself that the "average" busy, working and college going woman just didn't have the time. (Maybe this is even true, statistically. How many people REALLY do work out regularly?)
Anyway, if anyone is interested in some math: I recently looked up the calories to maintain my weight when I was heavy, and although the calculator may be off, the number I got was 2384 calories a day. Like I said, it may be somewhat off, but even if I count how many pounds a week I lost at the beginning of my journey. Let's say 3 pounds/week. So that's 3500 X 3, right? Which is 10,500 calories/week that I ate in addition to the 1200/day (or 8400/week) that I ate in the new plan. So, I ate 2700/day (10,500 + 8400, then divide that by 7). BUT, in my new plan, I worked out every day. I burned A LOT of calories because I was out of shape and heavy. If I burned even 400/day, that would mean that before I started I was eating... 2300/day.
Anyway, I know this is very long winded but it's actually something I've been thinking about. Everyone assumes that there are "reasons." Jillian Michaels always tries to get through to contestants and find the root. Is it possible that some people just eat too much and don't realize it? I understand that this is absolutely not the case for everyone, but some people? Does there have to be something wrong with me psychologically?
I think I agree with your assessment. My problem for years was portion control. I did not eat normal servings. 8 weeks ago when I began measuing and weighing it was shocking in some instances! Like pasta - we eat a lot of pasta and when I saw how little one 2 oz serving of pasta was I realized that when I normally ate it I piled about 6 servings on to my plate!!!!
I recently wrote a blog post about why I am fat. I think for years I have bought into there must be an emotional/mental reason.....and there may have been and food became a comfort, but the bottom line is the excess food made me fat. Now I need to go write an update. Thanks for your post - it makes so much sense.
I used to think there was a "why" for me, and I worked very hard, by God's grace, to get to a mental place of forgiveness and health with that particular issue.
But that didn't change the eating. I just ate too much, of the wrong kinds of things. And the doctor's "wrong kinds of things" were not MY kinds of "wrong kinds of things".
Finally, like Kaplods, I realized that carbs were the key for me. I've been insulin-resistant and dx with PCOS for years, but it never really connected with my eating. My doc told me to exercise more, but since there were no immediate changes that fell by the wayside quickly. And being told to eat "healthily" just doesn't cut it when you're carb-sensistive.
I am pretty firmly convinced now, from the studies I've read on insulin resistance, that I have the genetic disposition to insulin resistance, and when I gained weight as a child it was because of that. Then, of course, I tried eating whole grains to lose weight... which only made me hungrier, because my body wasn't able to utilize the carbs in the food I was eating, so I kept eating. It's a vicious cycle that feeds on itself -- hunger --> eating carbs --> body not able to utilize carb-energy, so sends hunger signals --> eating carbs.
Now I'm more able to short-cut that cycle by cutting back on grains, sweets, and starches. I can SEE the results of my food choices in by blood glucose monitor readings. I can SEE the results of my exercise in the readins. I'm seeing the weight slowly but surely disappear.
This "version" of my weight-loss life has been a revelation to me.
We are lazy and everything has become easy to accommodate us. Food isn't food anymore, it's chemicals and drugs, but we're too tired to fight against it.
A little OT maybe, but it just disturbs me.
I totally, TOTALLY 100% agree with you.
I know, without a doubt that I got to 333 pounds because I was lazy, and tired of fighting it. I gave up, I didn't care, and I kept in the back of my mind that I'll "do it" later. I became addicted to the computer and Lifetime TV. I drank too much, I became a slave to "box/cans/bags" of food and basically said "F" it. I was the queen of excuses, the lady of denial.
That is HOW and WHY for me.
(Oh and BTW it pisses me off to no end when I see morbidly obese people taking/using all the motor carts at our local Wal-mart. They park their cars and walk in the store (under their own power) and set down on a cart...Then the little old ladies hobble and struggle to get their walkers out of their cars and can barely make it into the store, and then have to walk it to shop because all the fat people are using up the motor cars. )
(Oh and BTW it pisses me off to no end when I see morbidly obese people taking/using all the motor carts at our local Wal-mart. They park their cars and walk in the store (under their own power) and set down on a cart...Then the little old ladies hobble and struggle to get their walkers out of their cars and can barely make it into the store, and then have to walk it to shop because all the fat people are using up the motor cars. )
I'm right there with you, sister! The very people who ride those scooters, take the elevator to the second floor, use the handicapped methods of entering a building, etc. are the very ones who complain about being obese but "just can't seem to lose the weight." I understand the pain of being morbidly obese, but when I see commercials that shun exercise and dedication in favor of pills and easy way out methods of getting the weight off, I am stuck thinking about how LAZY America has become. I've literally lost all of my compassion for people who refuse to lose weight because of being stubborn.
Our laziness has made us fat and now we are trying to find lazy ways to get thin again. It's madness!
I have a family member who is morbidly obese, possibly as heavy as I used to be when I started, and she has a handicapped ticket for parking. The thing is - she isn't handicapped. Her mother was handicapped (because of morbid obesity actually, but she was definitely legit still unable to walk) and now this person is using that to park in handicapped spaces.
I am sad when I think about things like that for too long.. it's just depressing, isn't it?
Second reason: I have a bad case of "if some is good, more is better". This made and kept me fat for two reasons: one, the tendency to order the large of everything, because it's only twenty cents more or whatever. Like I was wasting something if I didn't get the most I could handle. But two, and this is also a big deal, it meant that when I dieted I ate 900-1200 calories a day, because if fewer calories was good, a LOT fewer calories were better, right? Which lead to binging and a general dread of dieting. Learning to moderate my intake has been a huge trial. As a Terry Pratchett character once said, "I don't really have middle gears, you know?".
As far as fat people on scooters go: I really think one ought to withhold judgment. They may well be fat because they are immobile: someone might have half a foot missing or a really bad back or something and be quite able to walk across a parking lot, but not walk and stand throughout a grocery store for an hour, and that lack of exercise has lead to weight gain. Not the best choices, perhaps, but not worse choices than many of the rest of us made--just worse consequences. Even if only 10% of those people are "legitimate", it's better for my mental health to give all of them the benefit of the doubt than to go around angry. And I am sure that "legitimate" 10% (or more) of morbidly obese + handicapped people catch **** from people making assumptions, and I am sure the guilt and shame they feel is beyond imagining.
I do think that America's view on food has ruined a lot of people, especially families. The view that bigger is better and junk food is a required staple in every household is pretty massive. It's commonplace to buy several cases of soda, candy bars, ice-cream, frozen pizza, and other processed garbage at the store, then stop at McDonald's on the way home, and then "pretend" you've cooked a meal by slapping together Hamburger Helper.
We are lazy and everything has become easy to accommodate us. Food isn't food anymore, it's chemicals and drugs, but we're too tired to fight against it.
A little OT maybe, but it just disturbs me.
I think not everyone's experience is the same. Growing up, we never had junk food or boxed foods in the house and we hardly ever had fast food (although I did like taco bell bean burritos growing up). We also didn't go out to eat in general very often as we didn't have a lot of money. My mom cooked everything from scratch and she still does. She also took me to nutritioinists/various doctors from a very young age as I started gaining at the age of 6. So we often ate vegetables, fruit and I learned to read labels at a fairly young age.
She also enrolled me in ballet/tap dance and I was part of normal after school activities. In the summer, I had a pool membership and the pool was a mile away. I walked to the pool every day in the summer, and walked home. I also walked other places and had a bus pass to take me places that weren't in walking distance. When I got into high school, I would take exercise classes every day and I specifically took up weight lifting. Oh and the school was nearly a mile away which I walked to/from school.
Anyway, despite all the above, I was 300 lbs by the age of 14. Why? Well mixture of things I imagine, I had PCOS which wasn't diagnosed until my late 20s. I also became a binge eater from a young age. And yes you can get fat on 'healthier' foods.
The why I became morbidly obese isn't as important to me as the how I can personally fight it.
How vs. Why
