I keep losing a couple pounds, gaining a couple pounds ... over and over ... every time I lose a pound or two, I get really excited and think, "Yes! This time I'll get somewhere!" ... and somehow, I always go off plan after that. No -- I know it's not "somehow" -- I put too much food in my mouth even when I don't want it and self-sabotage.
I am the same weight now I was several months ago. It feels like I've been trying so, so hard, but obviously I'm not doing enough. I read other posts about people who lose steadily and I think, "I wish that were me!" I've been going to the gym and I know that I am stronger and more fit ... but I look exactly the same. I still flinch at getting my picture taken. And nobody in my real life knows that I've put in any work at all.
It's very all-or-nothing for me... during the week I can easily eat 1200-1500 calories, record everything, and work out usually 4 out of the 5 days... but as soon as I'm placed in a social eating situation I take advantage of others' assumption that I will gorge, and use it as an excuse... "Well, they assume I'll eat like crap anyway, I might as well..." UGH!!! I am so mad at myself for using others as an excuse to eat poorly.
I've tried and failed so many times to stay under 140 pounds... but that doesn't mean it's impossible, right? It doesn't mean I'm doomed, right? I know that's silly, but ... I keep trying and failing, for months on end, and it's starting to feel like, "I can't do this... I'm not strong enough for this... I'm just meant to have a belly... people on 3FC are tired of my whining and my non-progress... nobody cares if I lose weight or not," etc. And I want to get those thoughts out before they take over.
I know, in the abstract, that I can do this, anyone can do this... but in my head, it feels like a different story. The only way I ever weighed my lowest (125) was by practically starving myself, and while I don't want to be here, I don't want to be there again, either.
Skyra - I really hear your frustration in this post. I think you should put your scale away for a while and focus on your health. Write down a really good healthy eating plan for the whole week including Sat and Sun and stick to it not because of what you weigh but because your body deserves good healthy food and exercise. You are worth sticking to it. Maybe changing your focus from weight to health will help you break out of your current cycle. Good luck and keep posting. People here want to help.
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"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." - Epictetus
Wishing for it my dear won't do the trick. You've got to WORK for it. Losing weight, eating healthy has to be 24/7/365. Of course there IS room for an occasional indulgence from time to time, especially once you're in maintenance, but for the most part - it's all day, every day. Even when faced with temptation. Your wants, desires, principles can't fly out the window just because you're faced with a particular food challenge. At least if it's that STEADY, CONSISTENT, weight loss that you're after. It can't be any other way. For me that means planning, planning and more planning. I plan out my meals in ADVANCE. If I'm facing a social situation (my biggest challenge), I plan that out too. I keep to my definite no's (no fried foods, no heavily dressed salads, no pasta, desserts, whatever) and decide ahead of time what I can safely eat - there's always some healthy thing going on, or at least health-ier thing. That's when I load up on the diet soda. I will eat lightly BEFORE I get there. There's lots of ways to combat social situations. The thing is, is to have a strategy in place. ALWAYS.
You also mentioned that you were starving in the past or previous *diets*. Well 1200- 1500 calories is a LOT of food, IF you make it the RIGHT foods. Lots and lots of satiating veggies, along with low fat proteins - these are filling foods that stick with you and keep cravings as bay. 1200 - 1500 calories worth of junk-ier food - not so filling and you WILL be hungry. So where your calories come from really, really matters.
If it's all of nothing for you - well than by all means - choose the ALL. It's all or nothing for me with lots of things - I care about my family, job, household, money issues - always. Not just when it's convenient. It's all the time, or it will suffer. My health is important to me and it's WORTHY of the time, effort, planning and thought that I put into it. It's time very well spent. Much better than time wasted hoping, praying, longing and wishing to be slim and not being the best me possible.
If you had to starve yourself to stay at 125, then why is your goal 120?
Tell you what, make a pact with yourself to stay on plan for two full weeks, no matter what. Be serious about this! Tell that voice in your head that says, "Oh, I'm down 2 pounds, I can eat now!" to shut the f. up every single time you hear that.
Keep going for two full weeks, even if it's the weekend, even if it's a social situation (and yes, your excuse there is totaly bogus! ), even if the stars fall on Alabama. You have trained yourself to consider going out somewhere or having people over as a license to kill--yourself!--with food. Your challenge is to extend your program over two full weekends, no matter what comes along. Have a PLAN for those events! Don't just toss everything because of what "other people expect"!
Try it. Start now.
Forget about goals until you can stay on your plan.
__________________ "My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama
LizR -- thank you for the support. You're right -- health matters more than weight, and I think it'll help me to focus on the good changes I've made already and will make in the future -- I know that health-wise I AM better off, despite my weight having plateaued, so I'm going to try to focus on that instead of the frustration. That said, me putting my scale away is what helped me get to my highest weight in the first place. I'm not sure I could put it away without saying "I'm probably fine, I can probably afford to eat this unhealthy thing" -- that's what I used to do and I wasn't happy with where it got me. I'll have to experiment and see what works.
rockinrobin -- thank you for the "tough love" and the advice. You are absolutely right -- if I really want this, I need to buckle down and do this all the time, not just when I feel like it. The thing that's odd for me is, I can have several days in a row where I do feel satiated and not hungry at 1200-1500 calories -- physically, I feel fine, even great, but my mind tells me that I'm deprived and that I "deserve" a 2000-calorie day (which always turns out to be more than 2000 calories). I'm not saying that to discredit what you're telling me, though -- tonight I'm going to sit down and plan out all my meals, and I'm going to tell that little "one meal off-plan doesn't matter" to shut up already! I'm tired of all the whining!
JayEll -- guess I should clarify -- before, I was at 125 pounds and trying actively to lose weight (not maintain). Back then I would eat 900-1000 calories a day, and work out a lot. (Let it also be noted I probably felt starving because I would, for example, eat one junk-foody "meal" per day and pretty much nothing else. It wasn't nutritious calories.) I felt hungry and weak most of the time, and I didn't know that I should be eating more than I was. Eventually the whole thing backfired ... still, my goal is 120 because a) I still carried extra weight at 125 which I wasn't happy with and b) 120 is at the middle of my healthy weight range so I assume it must be doable to maintain, especially with nutritious calories (my doctor told me I could go all the way down to 105 and still be healthy). Also, here's a big thank you for giving me a specific challenge. I'll take what you've suggested and run with it.
__________________ Real hunger can't wait.
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