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Old 08-16-2009, 02:43 PM   #1
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Default Helping a friend?

I need some advice because I am feeling like I am between a rock and a hard place here and not quite sure what to do or how I should go about doing it.

In the title I put helping a friend, even though I am talking about my sister, just because I figured maybe others have been in this same situation with a friend or a relative too and might have some advice.

My sister is about my height and 260ish lbs. She has started losing weight and is blogging about it daily and doing really well. But I am worried that she might be pushing herself too hard and not being realistic.

The first week she lost 3lbs which is good and I think ok for the first few weeks. She then set her goal to lose 4lbs the next week and did. Then I talked to her about setting her goals to be realistic and that 1-2lbs is normal and she might lose alot at first but then it will slow down. she then made her next weeks goal 3lbs. she lost 6.5lbs. and her next weeks goal is 3lbs again.

She isn't counting her calories, just watching what she eats. and I think she is not eating enough from what she blogs.

Should I just MMYB? Let her do as she please and if she comes to me for advice give it? I said my peace once and now let her choose to follow it or not. Or should I kindof push it? and/or talk to my mom and SiL who lives with her to check on her more? Should I give her positive info, like links and articles acting like I am just sharing info and not nagging lol or just lead by example and hope she comes around?

I usually think people should just do what they want but this could be bad for her health and her happiness. She is very very depressed about her weight and this is the first real step she has taken to do it besides little diets for a week ya know. and if she starts off losing alot and then hits rock bottom with little or no weight loss or starts not hitting her goal I am afraid it will be bad for her

We said we would support each other, keep pushing each other and stay in touch through blogging to make sure we all were on track so I think my nagging is what she signed up for with that lmao but then again no one likes to be nagged

also she does not have insurance and just started a new job just part time so wont have it so she wont visit a dr either.
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Old 08-16-2009, 03:18 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Blasphemie View Post
Should I just MMYB? Let her do as she please and if she comes to me for advice give it?

As much as we wish we could, we can't travel this journey for another person. It is an individual journey. If she asks for help or advice, you can ABSOLUTELY offer it - but until then

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Old 08-16-2009, 03:27 PM   #3
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You might suggest that she join 3FC! She will read all sorts of sensible advice, and learn that 1-2 pounds a week is a fine goal, that not eating enough is sabotage, and of course get and give support from/to all of us who are learning how to do this right. It's a learning curve... so many of us have struggled with perfectionist thinking, frustration, too-high expectations. It sounds like what she is doing is working for her now, but dealing with the almost inevitable plateaus might derail her. I have learned so much here, especially about being patient, consistent and realistic. It's bound to sink in.

You sound like a very caring and considerate sister!!
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Old 08-16-2009, 05:14 PM   #4
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I do think you should mind your own business. If she hasn't lost weight in the past and is fairly young, then it is possible her weight is coming off in a way that her body can handle. It will slow down and then you might be in a position to offer her some advice about not getting discouraged. I would keep the door open for when you can gently persuade without sounding pushy. Being supportive is the most imporant thing we sisters can do, and yes I have my own sister that I often bite my tongue with.
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Old 08-16-2009, 05:17 PM   #5
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You know what I think the best advice you could give her is to join this site, like pucedaisy said, she will learn from others experience and see different ways of losing weight.

Nevertheless I think that she will come to learn about plateaus in her own time, she needs to deal with it as her own person, and turn to someone if she feels she needs support. I know it's hard to sit and watch as a sister, but that's the best thing she has - a sister who's losing weight by her side, at least you can guide her through not meeting her goal and make it a bit easier on her.

I do agree that 1-2lbs is realistic but in the 260s i think it's understandable that she's losing more than 2lbs.. I mean if I was losing just 1lb every week at this weight, I think I'd feel I could have lost more. I'll set myself goals of 2/3lbs and should I lose more or less, it's just part of the weight loss game!
Plus it seems like she's only been losing for 4 weeks and her body will slow down at it's own pace.

However if you have serious concern about how little she's eating , and that she's not eating in a style that she can maintain then talk about it in a light hearted way rather than her feeling that you are nagging. I think weight and weight loss are things that people are generally very defensive about so approaching it in a less pressured way would help the both of you!!

Hope you can help her in some way!
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