Ok, I try to be a strong person. I am most of the time. but TODAY...I am just spent.
My SO basically was telling me last night while drunk. How hot the ladies were at his new office since he got a promotion and that he was attracted to some of them and they were ogling him all day. Then he really PISSED me off when he told me he used one of our little games we play on some of them in the office. I asked him if he were given the opportunity would he take it? He said no. Well, then I refused to cuddle him. I told him "go cuddle one of the ladies at your job jerk". He then told me he might have to if I wouldn't. (Which made me feel even lower). Then he follows it up with "I have to cuddle SOMETHING." which couldn't be any worse of a thing to say to me. So I'm just a something???? He also basically told me how nice it was that "they" turned him on all day, and then he got to come home to me wanting him. He also went on and on about how this one girl has had three kids but I would never believe it because of how good she looked. He then went on and on about how he couldn't help he was so handsome, and maybe he should just get ugly. And that I was a "hated woman" at the office. He literally made me feel like I was the ugly one in the relationship and I should be glad that I had a man like him!~
I feel violated and unspecial. NOT at all attractive. This REALLY HAS ME IN A FUNK.
I don't want to exercise. I just want to cry. I want to cry, scream, and throw things...particularly his a$$ out the door. I don't even want to see his face today. Deep down I think this is a form of verbal abuse, but I don't know how to truly handle this. I am usually the one to say sorry in an argument. I love him but I don't want him treating me like garbage. Drunk or not, I should not have to put up with it.
He just tries to smooth out his bad behavior by charming me. Well, I am so hurt. I don't even want to look at him let alone let him in the house.
I know I am working to look better for ME...to make me feel better. That the weight loss is so I enjoy looking at my body in the mirror more and so I can gain more confidence. But with him talking about how attractive those ladies are...and how one had 3 kids and you would never know it. Insert the obvious I had one and I'm fairly chubby! And how the **** am I supposed to feel???? I want to try harder to spite him, but I know that's the wrong motive so NOW i JUST FEEL BAD and depressed. I am already insecure as it is.