3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Weight Loss Support

Weight Loss Support Give and get support here!

Emotinal Abuse form My Mom/Weight Issues

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-29-2009, 06:10 PM   #1
Member
 
PinkVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 58

Default Emotinal Abuse form My Mom/Weight Issues

I love my mom I am 27 I live with her.....I used to be very very tiny until after I had my second child........


After my second child the name calling started probbly 2 weeks after giving birth I was called fat or told look at that mom how would it be to have her body....

She was never like this before so I dont know if its tough love for getting pregnant a second time or jelously although I highly dought a mother would feel that way


When ever she is nagging or mad at me btw most of the time I am belittleed or treated like a child by her in front of others

I on a daily basis if I breck the eggshell I am walking on I get called hefa,fatty,puddgy,rosie o donnall,roseanne barr,old,not pretty like I once was.YOU WILL NEVER BE SKINNY AGAIN.LOL you still wear maternity clothes. You are a embaressment,nobody wants you,you are mental,I despise you.MOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE.I get called every fat name or mean abusive comment you can think of and its if I disagree with her or have my opinion about something.....


I clean for her I help her out she is very ocd so I embaresses myself to ask people questions on her behalf,I would do anything to make her be nice to me....

I am 5'0 and 140-150 lbs so a little chubby I know but it hurts,and I knotice its way worse the name calling if I am working out or exercising,she really tries to hurt me with words

I am just so hurt it makes my heart hurt I have been dignaosed with Panic attaks,I get them very bad,and adrenal fatigue,high cortisol levels,My doctor said stress is to blame,I even have acne and I never had it in the past and yes I get teased for that

I am told how she dosent care if I am stressed that I have nothing to be stressed over and what she says is just words and how if I didnt piss her off so much I wouldnt get called names.....


I have litterly cried to her tears so emotinal I was throwing up from the pain,I told her how she might aswell stab me in my heart beacuse that was the pain she was causing me and she said if she had a nife and could get away with it she would love to

I am told how lucky I am to live in her home and if I am under her roof and can be treated however.

She dosent do this in front of my kids thank goodness but my kids she me depreesed and crying half the time.....

I have no social life I have not had a time to myself in 3 years...I was going to get money for a car from a close friend and she told me that was wrong to take money so I have no car aswell


whats ironic about this is my mom is very obese and I get called all this crap...

I love her and I want her to be a mom and support help and encourage me

I have no clue if menopause is to blame or pmdd As she was not like this in my teens thankgoodness

I have not had any apoligies for any of this she says thers nothing to apoligise for and its my karma. I love her so much it hurts....I wish I could have a big hug from someone and told how wonderful I am


Please no bashing my mom we all have problems I just want to know why someone would be this mean to there daughter...Its like she takes everything out thats bad in her life on me

She is a great grandma and wife she does wear the pants in there marriage though lol,but me she is very mean to..

And I would also like to know how I can manage weight loss with the stress I deal with.

Thank You please no judging...
__________________
PinkVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:12 PM   #2
No description available.
 
midwife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Bat Country
Posts: 7,348

Default

Can you move out? That behavior sounds very abusive. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe and supported so that you can be the best mother and person you can be.
__________________
"And that's how Beowulf rolls"~ my DD
midwife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:17 PM   #3
Moderating Mama
 
mandalinn82's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Woodland, CA
Posts: 11,938

S/C/G: 295/200/175

Height: 5' 8"

Default

Quote:
Can you move out? That behavior sounds very abusive. You deserve to be in a place where you feel safe and supported so that you can be the best mother and person you can be
Quoted for truth.

With no judgment on any party, it seems like you and your mom are not currently able to live together in a healthy way. So if it's possible to move out and get some distance, it might be a good idea. That sort of repeated badgering really is emotional abuse, and I'm sorry you are getting so much of it.
__________________
Goal Met - 10/28/07 - My Progress Picture Collage - My Goal Story - Where Have I Been?

No matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everyone on the couch!

Maintained Oct 2007-Sept 2011, then got pregnant. Our baby boy was born in May, 2012...now to lose the baby weight!!
mandalinn82 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:29 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default

Do you have to stay there ? Do you have other relatives that you could live with ? Grandparents, aunts and uncles ? Is your father in the picture ?Has your mom always been way ? Could there be a medical reason for her attitude ?.
__________________
Goal 12/21/2007
bargoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:38 PM   #5
Member
 
PinkVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 58

Default

Quote:
Do you have to stay there ? Do you have other relatives that you could live with ? Grandparents, aunts and uncles ? Is your father in the picture ?Has your mom always been way ? Could there be a medical reason for her attitude ?.
Right now I do kinda need to stay here,No other family around,and I am so not the type to barge in on friends.My dad lives here aswell he puts up with her at times also,hes a quite guy that dosent really say much about anything.She became this way after my second was born and I was having problems in my marriage....I have thought it might be menopause or pmdd? The name calling is a new kinda thing in the past 2 years.

She keeps her mouth shut around my kids thank goodness she is a great grandma and wonderful to the outside world, people we know would probbly laugh in my face if I told them she is this way to me as she acts so sweet..but if its just me and her I get the words thrown at me like darts.
__________________
PinkVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:38 PM   #6
3 + years maintaining
 
rockinrobin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 12,070

S/C/G: 287/120's

Height: 5 foot nuthin'

Default

Oh sweetie, how can you possibly go on living there and taking that abuse? And it IS abuse and it's WRONG. That is a terrible, terrible environment to live in. Are you working? Do you have any money saved? Is the father of your children helping support them? Can you think of any way to move, even temporarily? FAther, grandparent, cousin, sibling, aunt, good friend?
rockinrobin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:39 PM   #7
3 + years maintaining
 
rockinrobin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 12,070

S/C/G: 287/120's

Height: 5 foot nuthin'

Default

We posted at the same time.

Is there any way that you can sit down and talk to her? Let her know how this is affecting you. Is there any way that she can seek out some professional help?
rockinrobin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:50 PM   #8
Member
 
PinkVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 58

Default

Quote:
Are you working? Do you have any money saved? Is the father of your children helping support them? Can you think of any way to move, even temporarily? FAther, grandparent, cousin, sibling, aunt, good friend?

Working no no car,I do have some money saved.No family around area.There father does help and supports them,he knows shes great with the kids,so hes not worried there.There really not much he can do for me as we are divorced...

Really I wish I could just brush it off but I think its the fact that its my mom thats calling me these names,that hurts...

.I say PMDD as it corralates with her menstural cycles her moodiness and the minute she gets aunt flo she is super happy (nuts I know)plus she is in the monopuse age and she has complaned of hot flashes and hows its been going on in the past 2 years....I have told her to go to the dr but she thinks shes just fine says its my problem or calls me fat for saying its pms lol

I have no clue how pmdd or menopause is?

I know if I was hurt or in trounble somehow she would be there in a flash.In my teens she was the best mom,I dont know what happend to her....She might think that if she calls me fat names I will be skinny and not end up like her I have no clue at this point
__________________
PinkVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:50 PM   #9
Senior Member
 
bargoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Davis, Ca
Posts: 23,149

S/C/G: 204/114/120

Height: 5'

Default

I think that your Mom should have a medical evaluation. If she hasn't always been this way, she may have a medical or mental problem, She just sounds so over the top,.I believe you need to find other living arrangements. Does children's father give you child support?
__________________
Goal 12/21/2007
bargoo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:58 PM   #10
Member
 
PinkVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 58

Default

I have talked to her she brushes it off tells me if I dont like it to leave.Really its hard on me.I know she looks down on me and the mistakes I have made in my life,could be tough love.

For all I know she could cry at night and ask god to forgive her for how she is to me,as I know she loves me but the name calling needs to stop


BTW Robin I am 5 foot nothing aswell I am sure you know how 10 extra lbs can look like 20 extra so the extra weight I have plus the words just really is making me feel ugly
__________________
PinkVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 06:58 PM   #11
Senior Member
 
amynbebes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Florida
Posts: 489

S/C/G: 198/128/138

Height: 5'7

Default

I'm so sorry for the situation that you're in. It's toxic. I would be doing anything I could to find another place to live. You, heck anyone, don't deserve to be treated like that. I've been a single mom and I understand it's hard. However in order for you to be the best mom that you can be to your kids you need to be in a better emotional state and I'm afraid from what you've told us that it's not going to happen living with your mother.

Last edited by amynbebes : 05-29-2009 at 06:59 PM.
amynbebes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:13 PM   #12
Learning to fly again
 
Newshinyme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Posts: 756

S/C/G: 196/ticker/130

Height: 5' 2"

Default

Oh hun!
First of all, please know that NONE of this is your fault. You are beautiful and valuable, no matter what your size.
I agree with bargoo, it seems like your mom should be evaluated by a medical professional. You say she was not like that before, so it definitely raises a red flag that all of a sudden something happened that caused her to start acting differently. Maybe your dad will help you convince her that she needs to see a doctor.
Also, NOBODY should have to live with that kind of abuse. You say she does not harm the children, but I could almost guarantee you that they know something is not right and living in that kind of situation will affect them eventually.
Have you considered going to a shelter? I don't know where you live, but there must be a place where you can go to get help. Please consider it.
__________________
SHORT TERM GOAL

LONG TERM GOAL

Newshinyme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:13 PM   #13
Member
 
PinkVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 58

Default

I have been on a housing list for quite some time just waiting.

I have no clue how a mental illness could just start out of the blue?

I really think its hormonal related.I hope thats not how I act in 15 years,I know I would be going to the dr asap
__________________
PinkVS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:17 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Findmyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 295

S/C/G: 245/ticker/150

Height: 5' 11"

Default

I am so sorry this is happening with you!!

I don't know if it is Menopause. It may have a small effect, but shouldn't cause such a dramatic change.

As to why this is happening - I know sometimes parents want children to leave the house when they are grown up. Maybe your mom is starting to see you as a burden that takes advantage of the 'parent house'.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying that you are a burden. But as you say that her behaviour is linked to you having second child, and you are still living with your parents, maybe it can be?

Maybe she feels that they took care of you on their own, and now, you need them to take care of your own kids. Provide your own roof over their heads etc.

I once was joking with my mom that when I have kids one day, I need to move close to her so that she can babysit. She told me flat out that she already raised her kids, and that I need to do the same. I was pretty shocked, but it is so true, though.

Maybe your mom doesn't know how to tell you that it is time to stand on your own feet, and therefore she takes it out on your weight.

Good luck, I really really know where you are coming from, but your mom sounds like a good person (except for the past 2 years) and I am just trying to understand her point of view.
Findmyself is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2009, 07:18 PM   #15
3 + years maintaining
 
rockinrobin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 12,070

S/C/G: 287/120's

Height: 5 foot nuthin'

Default

I know you love your Mom, but that doesn't change the fact that she is in serious need of help. Is there someone that you can speak to on her behalf who may be able to get this across to her. A dear friend, sibling, relative, pastor?

And yes, us 5 footers, we're so lucky, aren't we? Any added extra weight really, really shows. But I do know that when I was 140 or 150 or even 250, I was not deserving of ANY name calling. And neither are you. This is above and beyond what any one should have to put up with.

Mom needs help. The ramifications of this kind of abuse is very scary and dangerous. SOMETHING MUST CHANGE HERE.
rockinrobin is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:47 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2