[AnnRue]

I didn't know where to put this so if there is a group on this subject, point me in the right direction.

In 2006 I lost approx. 50 lbs. From 214 to 164. Due to Christmas I went back up to 170 and stayed there for a while. Then last year I broke my toe. I ended up gaining 10 lbs due to no to little exercise for about 8 weeks and then over this year I have gained 10 lbs more. I am disgusted. But I have really had a seriously hard time *getting back on.* Weird because my diet had been very much about living a certain way and I basically live that way.

But I have that thing back, maybe you can all relate, like that easy trigger finger. When I dieted before I was more centered, I could make choices. But today I can't, stress or anger actually pushes me to cheat. Not that I am oinking out but just a small cheat enough to destroy the day. I don't know how I lost it. It is like an insane hunger.

But I think it is my job. Prior to breaking my toe, my very demanding and psycho boss had been good with me. He had *trust* in me. So as long as nothing got too far past him I could largely handle him and do what I needed to do (diet). But since about September I have been under constant yammering attack from him about every 6 weeks.

When I broke my toe and still worked, I couldn't keep up with the work and got insanely behind. Things started slipping and my boss's selective memory didn't serve to remember that I had a broken toe (two months after recovering) ... now the slightest thing sets him off on just insane and insulting attacks. Reset to day one.

So I have decided to get another job. I am in the process of interviewing and that along with my boss, who needs to be a good reference, is extremely stressful. I cannot make any errors and that even means not only NOT making errors but also not appearing to make errors... that means more time at work, I don't want to gain anymore. What should I do?

I am afraid I am just going to gain it all back in the process of trying to get a new job and if I am successful, getting it. In the process of gaining that person over. I have also lost faith... like what is the point if I can so easily gain it back?

Anyone else successfully get back on after relapse?

[midwife]

Ann , I'd like to point you to the Relapse sticky in maintainers first:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=96197

Second, I would suggest getting back to basics, weighing, measuring, counting. It sounds like when you change your job things will be better for you.

As for what is the point.....well, you haven't gained it all back yet.....and even if you have, we are always a work in progress....I know I figure things out as I go and learn and try to do different/better, etc.....what is the point? The point is that YOU deserve to be healthy and to feel good about yourself.