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Old 03-04-2009, 03:01 PM   #1
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Question Dealing with Gossiping

Is it just me or do other people have a hard time dealing with attention of losing (or gaining weight) and gossiping? I recently started losing weight in a healthy way, and although I have a long way to go, people at work are gossiping about it behind my backs and giving me backwards compliments to my face. They gossiped about me possibly being pregnant (when I wasn't) and now they're gossiping about my weight loss.

How do you not let it affect you when you feel like people are giving you unwanted attention - especially behind your back. I don't like people commenting on my weight at all (whether I'm gaining or losing). It's been a sore spot in the past when I lost weight previously.

Am I being too sensitive? Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:16 PM   #2
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I think its very rude and un-professional of people to talk about your weight behind your back. however, when people come up to me and tell me it looks as if im losing weight, in a complimentary and encouraging tone of course, it puts me on cloud 9 all day hah. but maybe the next time you hear someone saying something you should tell them it really bothers you. I wouldnt feel sensitive about the fact that people are noticing you getting smaller! thats why we're here of course, to be smaller (and healthier), but if their talking about it really bothers you, i would make it known.
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:16 PM   #3
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Poeple are mean.. try not to let it bother you even though I know thats hard. No matter your weight there is always someone who talks about you behind your back. That might not make you feel better. I had been off of work for a month after I had my hysterectomy and when I came back I had a customer ask me if I was pregnant! I know my belly was still swollen but geez I felt awful after that. It is really depressing when someone says something negative about you. Keep your head up and just think when you lose the wieght then they will all be jealous!!
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:17 PM   #4
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Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?

Your weight is none of their business period. Is it possible to just ignore them?
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:19 PM   #5
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It's none of their business are if you're NOT being healthy.

I've never had anyone gossip about me so I can't relate.

Or maybe they have and just didn't take the time to notice.

Let it go. Life is short.
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:26 PM   #6
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Thanks, Xpink, Butterflywings and DC Hound. I know you're all right. People will talk about you behind your back no matter what and I won't be able to stop it. It's unavoidable.

I guess I've just never been one of those people that likes it when people comment on my weight loss (even if it's positive) and perhaps that's an insecurity thing on my part. In the past, the people that were the most positive to my face about my weight-loss, were the ones that spread the most awful rumors behind my back. So now, I have a hard time trusting when people are being genuine. (Maybe that's the true source of my problem.)

But you're right - it doesn't matter as long as I'm being healthy. I'm doing it for me and my health - not for their approval! Thanks, guys! I'll try to ignore them.
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:30 PM   #7
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Quote:
Is it just me or do other people have a hard time dealing with attention of losing (or gaining weight) and gossiping? I recently started losing weight in a healthy way, and although I have a long way to go, people at work are gossiping about it behind my backs and giving me backwards compliments to my face. They gossiped about me possibly being pregnant (when I wasn't) and now they're gossiping about my weight loss.

How do you not let it affect you when you feel like people are giving you unwanted attention - especially behind your back. I don't like people commenting on my weight at all (whether I'm gaining or losing). It's been a sore spot in the past when I lost weight previously.

Am I being too sensitive? Why do I feel like my weight is none of their business as long as I'm being healthy?
Honestly, I get so embarassed about the whole weight loss process I really never talk about it with people other than my mother, or those I know are also trying to lose weight. Because, frankly, you will run into a lot of jealousy. North America has an obesity epidemic, so unless you work at Gold's Gym, almost every office will have its fair share of overweight, unhealthy people.

I remember my Mom telling our overweight neighbor that she'd lost 65 pounds (and kept it off) by watching what she ate and exercising. The neighbor rolled her eyes and told my Mom to shut up.

Either she didn't believe her, or she was annoyed that it had worked without a gimmicky diet or starvation.

And that's where I get to with your issue -- people just don't want to believe that weight loss could be done in a healthy, safe manner, otherwise we'd all be thin -- right? If it were just a matter of willpower, then there wouldn't be a problem. Which is where nasty gossip comes in. I remember an overweight friend telling me, after I'd dropped 35 pounds one summer, that I should stop, because my breasts would shrink away to nothing and I'd be too bony. I was 175 pounds and 5'8". Also I was 15.

Long story short -- some people are *******s, and whether your ignore them or inform them, they'll probably give you all kinds of "advice" or "help" or "warnings".
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:42 PM   #8
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Hello,
I don't always see these kind of comments as obvious jealously, but rather as a symptom of low self worth. I see many people who do not value themselves, or there bodies and are quick to make comments when they see someone dieting, or choosing a healthy way of life. It is hard to understand if you spend no time on yourself, or don't value yourself enough to eat well- to understand why or how someone else can, especially when you see that dieting person investing so much time and energy. I think it is foreign and threatens their ego on so many levels. Some women I know do not think they deserve any time for themselves, or any effort- their overweight body is just a symptom of how badly their ego is damaged,
With this in mind, I try to think that these people are not always (sometimes they are though) being malicious- you just scare them.
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Old 03-04-2009, 03:58 PM   #9
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Thanks, Vikkivma and Macomom,

That makes sense. I think you both hit the nail on the head. Some people don't want to believe or admit that being healthy is hard work or that you can achieve it simply by being eating healthy and exercising, so by assuming some other reason, they are making themselves feel better.

I also agree with you Macomom that some women don't understand it or see the value in it for themselves.

I will keep these both in mind when I get unsollicited "advice" or comments about my weight.
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:09 PM   #10
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Some people are just asshats. Karma will catch up with them. Don't concern yourself with their petty high school behavior. And if you do hear negative things being said about you, LAUGH at the people saying those things, and feel sorry for them that they are so childish.
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:32 PM   #11
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How do you know they are gossiping? (Especially if it's behind your back?) Have you overheard them? Did a well meaning colleague have the "need" to tell you about it? Are you sure they are talking about you?
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:34 PM   #12
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There are some people in my life that I don't like commenting about my weight, good or bad. Whether I'm losing weight or gaining weight, it's none of their business.

The reason I don't even like the positive comments from them is because it is still a judgment that they are making of me. Maybe I'm strange and this doesn't make any sense, but when a close friend or my boyfriend say "Wow you've lost weight!" I'm on cloud nine, because I know they are saying it as a way to cheer me on. When someone I know gossips a lot says it, I can just imagine them saying "Wow, you look great!" to my face and then running home and hopping on the telephone and calling Billy Bob down the street saying "It's about time she lost weight!"

We all have things about ourselves we don't like, whether it's our hair or teeth or whatever. The problem with weight is that it is one of the most obvious and really hard to hide. People love to give advice, but giving unsolicited advice about something that is obvious is always rude in my opinion.
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Old 03-04-2009, 04:59 PM   #13
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Exactly. I'm not positive that these women are gossiping but I am receiving multiple comments suddenly and all in one day from the same group of women who I know gossip a lot.

One of them also commented to my face on how people should lose weight slowly - I have no idea where that came from. I'm not starving myself. I'm eating 3 meals a day, plus snacks and exercising 4 days a week and stay away from junk food besides an occasional splurge. That's it.

I could be super sensitive, but you're right girlpiggy. I don't mind it if my husband says it or my friends and family. It's just acquaintences that bother me and ones that gossip a lot. They could be well-intentioned, but at my last job, the women who told me how great I looked also talked to mutual friends about how they thought I didn't look good, that I was losing weight simply by chewing gum and all sorts of other crazy theories.

So I'm always skeptical when compliments come from people I am not close to (trust) and especially if they are gossipy people by nature. Maybe I should give people the benefit of the doubt more often but I want people to just know me for who I am - not how I look. Don't get me wrong - looking good would be great - it's just not my main reason for losing weight.

Thanks everyone!
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Old 03-04-2009, 05:48 PM   #14
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It's also possible you are being discerning, and are getting a true feel for what they are saying. The question then becomes, what do you want to do with that? You can choose how you want to think about this- even while you are feeling hurt and angry. My choice has been to remove myself from those ladies in my life until I am more comfortable in my own skin and secure in my image of my own body. However, that doesn't sound possible for you. I'm not much help, but I want you to know you're not alone and encourage you to work until you find a way that helps you have peace with their hurtfulness!
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Old 03-04-2009, 06:05 PM   #15
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julieo and girlpiggy - It is unfortunate you are subjected to the 'gossip', but it is out there in the workplace, neighborhoods, schools and more. I was subject to it for years when I worked in a office, and even at my old church. It hurt and I let it affect me until I learned that I wasn't going to stoop to their level, and knowing it will never change, so I separated myself from the situation. I didn't make time to even get in a 'general' conversation with anyone of that caliber. I also really made myself realize that what anyone says doesn't matter, what matters is how I feel about myself, because it is MY LIFE. Those folks that gossip don't have a life, so all they can do is gossip and stir up stuff to 'make a life.' Sad as it is.
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