Those of you who have met goal, or almost there, or even half way...
How much better do you feel? Can you describe to me as best as possible, with a lot of gory and glorious detail, just *how* your progress has affected every little aspect of your life? Basically, instead of just reading over and over "it's changed everything in my life" , I beg to ask the details. I am having a difficult time with motivation, and believe if I can be touched by some well written inspirational posts, they will make the nudge. I know I feel pretty miserable, a lot of the time, though I just had a complete physical with bloodwork, mammogram and pap, and I'm basically really healthy in spite of the 50 extra pounds I'm carrying. Ive just gotten use to what it feels like to move in a straight-jacket, not to be able to easily tie my shoes without holding my breath, or wear the same two pair of pants ever single day..... you know . Can you remember how it was for you BEFORE, and please elaborate the difference of then and NOW? I'm grateful.
Last edited by Hermit Girl; 01-08-2009 at 10:47 AM.
I haven't met 'goal', I don't know what that is yet - for me. However, a few months ago I sort of touched on this subject in my blog. I'll just cut and paste...
Quote:
'Skinny people have problems too.' I've read that more than once and it's troubled me, nagged at the edges of my mind. I filed it away for further consideration later, once I got healthier.
I'm feeling healthy today, so I'm in the mood to discuss - What is it about being overweight that is so demoralizing?
For me, countless little things added up to the big picture. Life is much easier healthier.
For example, when I awake in the morning and throw my shoes on it's a thoughtless act - I don't give it much consideration as it doesn't take more than a few seconds. However, 125+ pounds ago it was more time consuming, bending over to retrieve the shoes likely raised my heart rate, putting the shoes on was an ordeal involving me lifting my leg onto a chair. Oftentimes I'd ask my husband, who didn't have a clue how much mental strain it resulted in (I would have rather died than admit defeat to him), to do it. Before I ever left the house in the morning I had already dealt with a dozen obstacles that I don't encounter now.
The littlest things made me out of breath. The littlest things added up to a heavy sad heart at the end of the day. The littlest things weighed me down as much as my weight.
Here's the deal, I think. I have the same worries, stresses and hassles as I did 10 months ago. I also have less. I don't think much about dropping my keys, tying my shoes, shaving my legs, the exertion required to go up stairs or walk up the block for something. Because my little problems have disappeared I'm better able to cope with the bigger problems of life. Because I'm not overwhelmed with hearing the symphony of my heart pounding in my ears I can now listen to other aspects of my life.
It's not often I'm heavyhearted anymore.
So I beg to differ and agree - healthy people have problems too - but less problems of the physical variety. I'll take my business hassles, rising property taxes and my son's troublesome tuition over the myriad of little stresses I used to encounter each day simply upon awakening.
My reasons for weight loss have evolved from vanity to living. This is my life and it's much easier now.
Not outwardly, but inwardly. I didn't suddenly become rich. I didn't suddenly have every material possession I desired.
I felt GREAT in my own skin (something that had escaped me my entire life).
I grew up. A lot.
I became more at peace with myself and knew that no matter how much I weighed in the future that I was free of feeling stuck in this body that wasn't mine. I felt free from the notion that people were only seeing my weight.
I took my spirit and my body back.
Now, I know there's people out there that will pity me for not being able to experience that before I lost weight, but it is what it is. That's what losing weight afforded me and it is one of the best things to ever happen to me.
Wow, thaks FB and Junebug . I think I worry that I'm being vain, but these posts have reminded me that I have simply forgotten how my body felt upon waking, when I was slender, now so many years ago. Such gradual weight, such gradual adjustment to the grief it plays into our life, such gradual loss of living. I think I was humiliated , but I've even come to accept the humiliation (as Oprah said "I just gave in") , and try to have public humor about being middleaged and overweight. Like, lets all laugh about it? That is what scares me most ! I am willing to accept the humiliation ! I have so little to motivate me right now. I do sense wheras before I was entirely more captivating of a person, the weight is like a wall between me and others, mostly from my own unwillingness to see past it, I act differently to others... aloof, distracted... yes, I feel, or fear, they are seeing only the weight.
Last edited by Hermit Girl; 01-08-2009 at 10:42 AM.
How much better do you feel? Can you describe to me as best as possible, with a lot of gory and glorious detail, just *how* your successful goal met has affected every little aspect of your life? .
Hey Hermit Girl, sorry you're having trouble getting motivated.
When I weighed 200 pounds, I was slow, lethargic, depressed. I only had one pair of jeans that fit - a size 18 pair of Eddie Bauer "loose" fit jeans that got so tight I had to leave the top button unbuttoned. I had one pair of shoes I wore - a pair of black Franco Sarto loafers. Why bother looking nice? I left my long curly hair air dry everyday, no make up. I had one small black purse I had had for 10 years. No earrings or any other jewelry (to be fair, my watch was nice, a gift from my dad).
I hated looking at myself. No pictures - EVER. There is a period of about 10 years where there are very very few pictures of me - no family pictures or anything. I never looked down at myself in the shower or in a mirror. It was hard to be intimate.
I fell asleep in meetings. I fell asleep in my office everyday in the afternoon. I was a corporate trainer and everytime I had to travel to train, it was stressful to make sure my few pairs of nice pants fit, airplane seats were tight and I had to stand in front of a big group of people knowing how I looked.
I wasn't very confident. I didn't make eye contact with people, I wanted to be invisible.
I used to DREAD cutting my toenails, out of breath, feeling cut in half. Could barely bend enough to get my toes close enough to see what I was doing. Miserable miserable. Towels never fit around me.
So...what is life like now? It's not perfect, definitely. But it is so much better. It sounds silly to say how NICE it is to wrap a towel around myself and really wrap that towel around me! Cutting my toenails is a BREEZE, nothing to worry about.
I am more confident, more outgoing. I have a gorgeous wardrobe of size 6 clothes and getting dressed every day is a joy. I love shopping. I had to replace every item of clothing I owned except for socks. I am more confident, adore pictures of myself and smile and make eye contact with strangers in line at the store.
I have so much more energy, I NEVER fall asleep at work any more (every now and then I get sleepy, but never the "can't possibly stay awake feeling" I used to suffer from). I smile more, laugh more, like myself better. I smile at myself in the mirror - I LOOK at myself.
When I go to the doctor for a check up (I've only been sick two times since I changed my life) they oooh and ahhh over my excellent numbers - blood pressure, cholesterol, sugar, etc. Physically, I feel GREAT. I'm nearly 40 years old and I feel wonderful almost all of the time.
I know it's hard to stay motivated, I do. Try not to depend on motivation - it's really hard to maintain that level of emotion. What saves me is habit and routine. This is just what I do. I pack lunches, I plan dinners, I go to the grocery store all the time. The routine makes it easy for me. (easier anyway).
I also confess to SHAMELESSLY bribing myself which works well with me (stay on plan for a week and have a decadent massage - SURE).
This is a loaded question. A loaded question beckons a loaded answer. I'm probably going to write you a book and I'm warning you now.
I'm confident now, whereas I even dreaded leaving my house to go to the grocery store before. I always make sure I look my best (and if I don't have time for that, halfway presentable works, too), but when I was fat, I just tossed on t-shirts and pajama pants before walking out the door. I was contemplating going back to school to do the typical "finish a four year degree or more and get a professional job" thing, but I had no idea what I wanted to major in because nothing excited me besides the idea of being a rock star or actress I didn't know I had any other passions apart from performing arts, but since losing all the weight, physical fitness has become my biggest interest.
The way people treat me now is completely different, too. When I was overweight, people rarely turned around to look at me, unless I was rocking a loud shirt or very ostentatious mohawk. People were also much more rude and brief towards me than they are now. They felt they could step on me and knew I wouldn't say a word... and since I was timid (because I didn't love myself and had no confidence), I let them.
I believe that the way people treat me now vs. then does have something to do with my weight loss, but it's also my overall self-presentation and the fact that I both give and demand respect. I'm sure people would have been less brief and rude if I was well-dressed, funny, and always had a smile on my face... the problem is that back then, I was very, very depressed. I was always polite and never unpleasant, but I didn't glow.
There are other perks, too, like:
-Being able to shop at any store without worrying about whether the clothes will squeeze my jelly rolls and make me look fat
-Being able to wear that skinny little black dress without corsets, spanx, or duct taping my waist
-Not having to worry about my jelly rolls jigglin' all over the place when I'm running and biking
-Looking in the mirror and actually liking the looks of the person staring back
-NOT being offered weight loss advice by 703924797 people who have never even tried themselves
-I like (Even LOOOOOVE) getting my picture taken now, from ANY angle at ANY given time. Before, I had to be standing just right and even then, I never knew how the picture would turn out or how many chins would show
-Having doctors comment on my great overall health and physical shape
Unlike some of you, I did not have any weight-related physical health issues. I had normal blood pressure, normal cholesterol, a decent A1C, didn't get winded easily, and was somewhat in shape (nothing like now, obviously, but I wasn't completely out in left field); I was just 20 pounds overweight. My motivational reasons for losing the weight were largely superficial, though hearing my doctor say every now and then, "Hmmm... you miiiight want to work on getting your weight down" definitely grated some nerves within!
-Feeling like I've taken back control of my life
Last edited by NightengaleShane; 01-08-2009 at 10:52 AM.
Before:
- I couldn't run any distance
- I couldn't squeeze anymore into the largest sizes in my closet
- I felt - old, tired, and not confident in my physical ability
- I avoided the scale, because I Did Not Want to Know
Now:
- I run 20-30 miles per week, and regularly race 5K, 10K, and half marathons
- I had to replace my whole wardrobe, because I shrunk beyond the SMALLEST size in my closet (and that does NOT suck!!)
- I have way more energy, way more confidence and am always looking for a new challenge. Last year I took up kayaking, this year I am joining my company's "dragon boat" team. When I hike up the mountain, I kick everyone's tail. I'm in the best shape I can ever remember!
- I self-monitor now ... I weigh regularly, write down what I eat, and count calories. I remain vigilant and attentive to my eating and exercise patterns, because that's the only way I know to maintain my weight loss long term.
It was hard to lose, and frankly, it's been hard to maintain. But it is so, so worth it. Worth every bit.
Glory ~ thank you for your lengthy post, and wonderfully articulated feelings. You have been a great example to me (I printed out Glory's Rules over a month ago, and strive to emmulate !) . I can really relate to your naturalness, and modesty, as I am also a very modest person, but crave to be just a tad less modest maybe, and just a tad more aware of other's attention towards me. I am not by any means a mousey woman, I have a very punchy personality at times, but the weight is just the most dampening 'wet blanket' over my personality there could be. It makes me grumpy too, to not be able to properly pedicure myself, among other things ~ !
Agreed, pictures are tragically almost non-existant of me since about '02, and well, that saddens me that my life has just taken a dive into isolation and separation from others. ( Notice my well described user name ! ) My friends are a sorry few. I miss having lots of people I felt easy around, and like you, I am in front of audiences all of the time (in a music band, in a small town) and I just hope they don't notice me, but my instrument. I just have come to fool myself, and hope that they have better things to do than to be concerned about how my appearance has changed, if they knew me at all 10en or 15 years ago.
Anyway, traveling is out of the question. I have weaseled out of a trip to Spain, last summer for my boyfriend's destination family reunion, convincing myself I just was not interested in the least. More like I was not interested in being the one person on the beach fully clothed.
About the shameless bribing, well, I just haven't had enough self esteem to know what it is that I really would want, and I dread setting goals, from not even starting towards them in the past. However, I really know that once the ball gets rolling, my outlook will change dramatically and i'll be able to find some shameless rewards that make me tick. I want to feel that rush of electrified purpose you speak of....and have been contemplating it for days. Thanks again Glory !
Shane~ Your posts are a delight to read, you have so much spunk and spirit ! I apreciate that you have so much courage, enough to share even. I read with particular interest, the part about how others treat you/us/me so differently, and though I rebel, thinking that it shouldn't be a consideration beyond my own self, to lose the weight, I know that is a huge part of it. Perhaps the hardest part for me to admit, that I *do* indeed care about what others think, and how they treat me.
All the Others ~ thanks for writing , it's all very helpful ! to all ~
Last edited by Hermit Girl; 01-08-2009 at 11:52 AM.
I started out very obese, so the difference in how I feel is so dramatic. I was having some pretty serious health issues. I'm almost positive I was diabetic. My hands and feet would go numb, crazy heart palpitations, feeling like passing out a lot of the time. Now these symptoms are pretty much gone. I can move, even jog. My body feels strong and much more agile from the exercise. I was out of breath just walking to the car before. I cleaned out my drawers last night. I had already done this once about thirty pounds ago, so the clothes I pulled out were things that were very tight or too small when I started losing. I was just shocked at how big they were. It's funny how I've adjusted to the smaller things I wear. People treat me better. I didn't want to believe this would be true, but it really is sadly. I get waited on more in stores, people chit chat more than they did 93 pounds ago. I'm sure part of it is that I have more confidence, but I notice it in situations where I haven't had to initiate an interaction. I love shopping, it's so fun to shop in the regular size section. I could go on and on, but that's a sample of the difference the weight loss has made for me.
I'm down a little over 100 lbs, and still have another 60 - 80 lbs more to go, but even with the weight I have lost the changes are both dramatic and subtle.
I remember at 331 pounds how much harder everything seemed. I felt lethargic. Tired constantly. I started to have sleeping problems due to my problems breathing while laying down. My size 24 jeans were busting and I probably could've fit into a size 26 more comfortably, but I had convinced myself that the jeans were tight because I had "just washed them". I couldn't take the 25 stairs to my fiance's apartment floor without halting at the top rasping & gasping for breath. My back got achy when I walked for too long. My skin was a mess. My mood didn't often get above content, and was frequently below it. I wasn't willing to try many new public things (like new classes) and never anything physical. My knees were beginning to hurt. I was 24... and my knees were hurting me.
Now:
My size 18 jeans are on the loose side. I sleep very well through the night. I walk for long periods of time, and I can actually run (!) for short periods of time, too. My back is fine. I barely even notice my knees anymore since they stopped hurting. I can climb stairs, and while I still breath a little hard I no longer have to stop or gasp. As much as I've seen people say there isn't much of a connection, my skin truly cleared once I started eating healthier. The occasional adult pimple, but nothing like before. I feel proud of myself. I feel like I can tackle the world! I'm 25, and I've lost 100 lbs, and I'm on my way to being the healthiest I've ever been in my entire life.
Those of you who have met goal, or almost there, or even half way...
I didn't know I had any other passions apart from performing arts, but since losing all the weight, physical fitness has become my biggest interest. 
to all ~ 
