[InkyMama]

That's great that you were able to talk in more detail with him and come to an understanding. I think change, even good change, is just hard no matter what.

[GradPhase]

Did you explain to him thats why youre not drinking, and ask him to support you instead of tempting you?

[JulieJ08]

I was going to say that it sounds to me like you just have a fabulous guy who thinks you're already perfect - it sounds like he just really wants the best for you and really wants you to be happy. That's a treasure. And because he feels that way and is that kind of person, he'll support you as long as your going for healthy.

But he beat me to the punch!

You hear so much about the pressure to be thin, and society really does apply that pressure. But in real life, there are so many men who just love women, and we go and assume they want us to be the same way that society does. And they don't.

[lizziep]

interesting topic and i can honestly say that i think i'm doing this to my husband! I have been so worried about him, but maybe i shouldn't be. in my case, i'm not concerned about him losing all his weight and leaving me or anything like that- i'm scared he's going to collapse or die. He's been restricting his calories to like 1500 or so (he's a big man, 6 foot 4 and about 265 to start) and has been exercising a minimum of an hour a day - sometimes up to three hours- without a single day of rest. He's been doing it for a month and has lost about 18 lbs. I'm happy for him for the weight loss but I'm scared for him- since he's also started taking all these herbal supplements and stuff too.

As for me- instead of supporting me- I feel like he's pushing and criticizing me. I will fail every diet if I can't have a little dessert for instance, so I've been picking out something small, low in calories, like a tofutti cutie or a small piece of gourmet chocolate- and he just can't stand it! He also doesn't like my half hour of exercise. My thought is, if I go slow and steady I will win the race, where he is going to burn out and then stop all together. I'm sure we're both right AND both wrong- but we can't seem to support or motivate each other at all right now.

[UrsusMaritimus]

I'm sure we're both right AND both wrong- but we can't seem to support or motivate each other at all right now.

That's so hard! It sounds to me like your approaches to weight loss are just very different. You need a little dessert to succeed; he doesn't want to be tempted AT ALL. You're taking a more moderate approach (that's sustainable for you), and he's going full throttle.

Maybe you should set some time aside to sit down together and talk about your respective choices regarding food and exercise. It might help if each of you explains to the other what your needs are and your rationale for choosing the plans you've chosen. Then just agree to stay out of each other's way.

That said, I'd be worried too - 1500/day for a big guy? I'm now eating around 1600/day and losing steadily. Yikes.

[lizziep]

yeah- he's had a lot of success i think he's probably lost about 18-20 lbs in the last 5 weeks. good for him and all. but i do worry.

we did have a sit down and yell more then talk- but i think he understands where i'm coming from now. i'm trying to understand where he's coming from too. this week when i hurt my back he didn't get mad at me for not working out as much as he thought i should- i think that's a big step for him, and i haven't said anything at all to him about starving himself. We're getting there. I think we can both attain our goals- it'll just take me a little bit longer to get to mine.