I think there are some good parts of Florida like Fort Lauderdale, where I thought about moving to. I also love Cocoa Beach - my girlfriend's brother lives there and I've been to some great parties around that area. Tampa is not too bad, either.
But Gainesville sucks, and I've heard a good portion of South Florida is also very snobby and superficial.
Gamerchick and Nightengaleshane, maybe you two should take your "hate Florida" discussion into private messages?
I did not gain weight when I moved to Florida, and "snowbirds" are not Florida residents--they are the ones that come in winter and go back in summer.
Nightengaleshane, if you hate it here so much, maybe you ought to go back to DC, such a charming town...
OK, enough of this. I'm going to confine my own comments to PMs.
Jay
DC is too expensive. Unless I have a good job in the bag already, I can't move back. That's why I stay here. I'm broke enough as it is, anyway... too broke to move.
I said there are some good parts of Florida, like Cocoa Beach and Fort Lauderdale... I'm not fond of Gainesville nor would I enjoy living in Orlando, and the small towns in Florida have no appeal to me either.
Don't post your MSN names or email addresses here. You can use the Private Message feature of 3FC without doing all that. Just click the screen name of the person you want to send a message to, and you'll see a list of choices, one of which is send a private message.
Remember, everything you type on the threads can be seen by anyone who comes here--even nonmembers! So never put personal contact information in your posts.
Nightengaleshale - change a few details and I could have written your original post
I had the best social life, tons of friends, tons of confidence... but then I went through some life-changing stuff (lost my job, got divorced) and gained all the weight back that I originally lost on WW in 1999 - 2000. I moved to a completely different area of the country (ok, it's a tiny country, but you have to believe me when I say, it's completely different here!) and I am at the point where I hate even going out of the apartment to go to the supermarket on the weekends! I joined a gym in September last year and I've been... twice. The mere thought has me thinking I'm going to break out into hives. I have absolutely no friends where I live now and I really dread going out 'on the town' with my boyfriend. I'm sure it's TMI but even our sex life has suffered because I just feel so totally unattractive. And you mentioned clothes... I absolutely HATE "fat fashion" over here... like I should be punished into wearing things that totally do NOT respresent who I am, just because I am overweight. It sucks and I hate it but on the other hand I really DO find at least a few good things about me every day. It's just breaking out of this social anxiety that seems to be really, really hard.
Just wanted to thank you for starting this thread... it's nice to know that there are other people out there who feel like I do. I really look forward to the day that we can get past it!
I'm sure it's TMI but even our sex life has suffered because I just feel so totally unattractive.
I feel you there! Until recently, my sex life wasn't too great, either, and it was all my fault. I just didn't WANT any. I had no idea how anyone would possibly want sex with my disgustingly fat body! And my s.o. didn't even have a problem with my weight gain and still thought I was sexy anyway... I just didn't get it. I'm just now starting to have sex more than once or twice a month, because I'm finally coming around and staring to love myself. PLUS... SEX counts as cardio exercise! Haha! It raises your heart rate, makes you sweat, and tones/conditions every part of your body!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Velveteen
And you mentioned clothes... I absolutely HATE "fat fashion" over here... like I should be punished into wearing things that totally do NOT respresent who I am, just because I am overweight. It sucks and I hate it but on the other hand I really DO find at least a few good things about me every day. It's just breaking out of this social anxiety that seems to be really, really hard.
Just wanted to thank you for starting this thread... it's nice to know that there are other people out there who feel like I do. I really look forward to the day that we can get past it!
Maybe the Netherlands is a country full of fat-phobic people... because here in the US, there are some good places to buy fat clothes. I refuse to do it, though, because (as I mentioned earlier) that means I'm comfortable being fat, and I most certainly am NOT!
And yeah - it's definitely nice to know we're not alone in these feelings, isn't it?
I'm a Chicago girl transplanted to St. Pete FL, and while I'll avoid the "love/hate" FL thing, I will address the original intent of your thread...that is, how I got over social anxiety or shyness/self-consciousness, all that jazz.
I've been "larger than average" since high school, and was a bookworm and academic success on top of it, and shy...it wasn't until my late 20's that I made some real changes in how I acted, and really not until my 30's that I feel that I've gotten over that kind of anxiety. I wasn't born with a strong inborn confidence -- I'm not sure any of us really are. It's something you learn, and it's something that you can give yourself.
The first thing I did was realize that I was projecting my feelings on everyone else, and assuming they felt the same way. I was heavy, and I didn't like being heavy. I felt awkward around people who were prettier, etc. and felt like everyone else must be judging me as the fat one. I didn't speak out because I felt like people wouldn't want to listen to me. It was easier to reject them before they could reject me, you know?
From the statements you've posted in this thread, I'd take a guess that you do the same thing. It's WAY easier to sit back and say that everyone around you is snobbish, superficial, judgemental, and mean than it is to take a good look at yourself and realize that maybe, just maybe, you haven't put yourself out there for them to really get to know. If the vibe you give off is that nothing (and no one) is as good as where you came from, then it's not likely that people are going to feel like you're very friendly...they're likely to feel that you're judging them.
And the funny thing about FL...MOST people in FL are from somewhere else! It's the living land of transplants! I've lived in FL off and on for 10 years, and have met a handful of people who were born and raised here. It's a great conversation starter, by the way. "So, where are you from? Here, really? You're like...maybe the third native I've met!" and go from there. People love to talk about themselves.
Which brings me to point two. I stopped spending so much time worrying about how people were thinking of me, and spent more time thinking of them. I went places where I could meet people. I had a job, talked to my coworkers, invited other people to go out and do things because I thought they might enjoy it.
There are good people and bad people everywhere. There are things to do everywhere that you can find people (no one likes to be bored). The thing that got me over being self-conscious was realizing that if I wanted friends, I had to be a friend. I had to start being the person that I wanted to be around, and when that happened, I found that other people wanted to be around me too. Maybe I can't just "be" thin and beautiful, or just like everyone else where I live, and so on. But I sure as **** can be positive, upbeat, interested in other people, and caring. And that's what people notice, more so than the size of my butt. My boss jokes around that I'm a "social butterfly" who does her job well precisely because I'm always talking to people and feeling them out. I go out a couple of times a week and keep in touch with people. I have a couple of close friends and a lot of acquaintances. And I'm happy with that.
Not bad for someone who started out as an introverted girl who felt out of place.
Anyway, I'm rambling now. LOL Hopefully I didn't insult you, and hopefully I've offered something that can help.
My reason for this is that buying fat clothes means that I'm giving into my weight gain and getting comfortable.
I was in the same boat....I saw a diet professional say go by clothes that fit you and don't leave your "thinner" clothes in your closet she said "that it is only setting you up for failure"
I laughed at her and thought pfft like she knows anything about it. I have had the same goal pants for about 4 years and I figured well this is not working and threw out ALL my thin clothes. Now when I am around my 7 sister -in -laws (that are all 5'8'' and taller and weight 120pounds, and lose weight after the have a baby..ugg make me sick) I know that I am as thin or healthy as I want to be but my clothes don't reflect how I feel inside, I am dressed nicely in something I feel sexy in. So go shopping!! trust me it changes your self-esteem...which essentualy is why most people, present company included, gains weight.
I had no idea how anyone would possibly want sex with my disgustingly fat body!
heh - your "disgustingly fat body" is my GOAL WEIGHT!
I only wish when I was around 200 pounds that I knew how attractive I was. I had men and women hitting on me often when I was a size 16-18 or so, and I was too full of anxiety and self-consciousness about my weight to really enjoy it!
Oh, I was just unexpectedly called away...I'll finish later.
Oh, yes, I have DEFINITELY felt inadequate soley because of my weight. I even recall not going to classes because I was so disgusted with myself and my weight, not going to functions soley because I did not have an outfit that fit properly or was going to be cool enough to wear (in hot weather), or classy enough (because I don't think elasticized banded-waist is "dressy"), that kind of thing. Yes, it is TERRIBLY difficult to truly find a decent, nice-looking outfit (fancy or otherwise) where I feel "sexy" (oh, I have to laugh at THAT) or where I feel like I will "fit in" without any concern about my clothes.
I will NEVER EVER EVER forget when I attended a 20th college (yes, college) reunion. I was re-introduced to a woman who used to be one of my husband's former roommate. Now, again, keep in mind this was TWENTY years since I had seen this person. The VERY FIRST THING OUT OF HER MOUTH WAS "you have lost weight!" and she said it with "glee" (you know what I'm talking about). I had literally gained 58 pounds since I had seen this woman. I was devestated. I just stood there. I thought (and still think) she is probably THE rudest person I have ever met (and trust me, I know TONS of people, so that is saying something!!). I have not seen this person since, NOR do I ever care to. I said not one word to her. I just stood there-what was I to say to that anyway???????
I guess I just wanted to share with you this TRUE incident, one that has left a horribly bad taste in my mouth about this woman. Just to let you know, YES-there are MANY, MANY rude people out there. No matter what their age or their sex, they are definitely out there. I, too, have been cattled called in rude, hateful hollering, in-your-face fashion.
It is not right that overweight people are "okay to slam publicly" but it is true today without question... no longer is race, sexual origin, religion, etc "allowed" to be so boldly ridiculed, but noooooooooooo: the overweight individuals have to take it all. THAT alone is frustrating enough to make one sick...it makes ME sick for sure.
I DO know that each of us have to look at ourselves right here and in the moment. We may or may not have tomorrow, nor will we have some of the opportunities that present themselves TODAY, so you MUST overcome somehow that "weight-is-holding-me-back" view of your life...we HAVE to go on and put on that bathing suit and ride that bike anyway...."those people" out there are just jerks.
I am a very very social person...my weight does NOT hold me back from doing stuff...do I feel horrible about myself ? you betcha!! do I hate that my weight is horribly high for my height? oh, yes, without a doubt...do I have tolerance for the "ignorant-as-far-as-weight-is-concerned"??? no way. NO WAY. I never will....it is not my duty to change that, because I know I can't. Our society is so thin oriented, that the "normal" sized individual still can feel as if they are not "good enough."
Okay...I'll stop yacking for now....hang in there!!!!
Um.. Sorry I'm not from Florida.. Or DC. CANADA ACTUALLY. Besides the point. I find that since I have put on more weight then before I don't have anxiety before I go out.. it's when I'm out. I went camping two weekends ago with my Boyfriend and 3 of our other couples friends. I found that I'd wake up dreading the tasks for the day. The awkward campfire chairs.. How embarrassing if I snapped one, oh and triying to get in and out of the canoe. Every step there was a big creak and it would tip like we hit an iceberg. One morning one of the girls asked me to help her get some coffee from their camper. I stepped up on the little stool and was terrified to see how far the camper lowered with my weight.
Hottie, that lady you saw at your reunion... what a 'in !!!!! Maybe she just said it to feel better about herself because she's still insecure.
I wonder what makes people feel they have the right to yell mean things out. I would NEVER do that to anyone! I never, ever made fun of people for their physical appearances even when I was thin and societally "hot" - whatever that means. It's such a despicable thing to do.
"It is not right that overweight people are "okay to slam publicly" but it is true today without question... no longer is race, sexual origin, religion, etc "allowed" to be so boldly ridiculed, but noooooooooooo: the overweight individuals have to take it all. THAT alone is frustrating enough to make one sick...it makes ME sick for sure."
AMEN, SISTER!
And you're right... average sized people feel fat all the time these days. Even when I was THIN - 5'6", 120-125, size 2 - I thought I was A BIG, FAT COW! It's hard not to with all the pressure from the media... especially since I'm an actress - not a famous one, but I've been on TV and in a few movies as an extra. I'm scared to death of attending casting calls for fear that they'll laugh in my "fat" face.
Um.. Sorry I'm not from Florida.. Or DC. CANADA ACTUALLY. Besides the point. I find that since I have put on more weight then before I don't have anxiety before I go out.. it's when I'm out. I went camping two weekends ago with my Boyfriend and 3 of our other couples friends. I found that I'd wake up dreading the tasks for the day. The awkward campfire chairs.. How embarrassing if I snapped one, oh and triying to get in and out of the canoe. Every step there was a big creak and it would tip like we hit an iceberg. One morning one of the girls asked me to help her get some coffee from their camper. I stepped up on the little stool and was terrified to see how far the camper lowered with my weight.
I never used to have issue's with my self image
Oh man, I'm always afraid that I'll break something as soon as I sit on it, too! I think I need to go on more outdoors adventures... they're good for you, you know.
By the way, if that is you in your picture (and I'm assuming it is), you're GORGEOUS... thought I'd let you know.
oh I can DEFINITELY relate!!
'in 