I do. For a few months I've had a yeast infection I haven't taken care of because I don't want to get on the scale at the doctor's and feel bad for carrying the extra weight. I also don't go back because I'm off the medicine for diabetes since I lost weight, probably need the medicine again, and will be scheduled for blood work.
I haven't gone swimming in years because I don't want to buy a bathing suit and feel horrible. Yet, I love to swim.
I don't do the things I want to do because of my weight. I also don't take very good care of myself. I have one pair of pants too small that cut into my body. I just have that pair of pants. I have a few shirts, but I feel embarrassed in them because they are now tight on me.
I believe this is my self esteem and punishment for my weight, but tonight I'm going out and getting some medicine and getting some things I need. But it's been like this most of my life because I just don't take care of myself.
Gamerchick, I think we have all done some of those same things at one time or another. It's really overwhelming how being overfat affects us all in so many ways.
I also love swimming but hate how my thighs and buttocks look in suits (and also I need a good swim cap) and so I have been avoiding it. I am about to break that cycle though and go for it at the YMCA!
Crimsonclover, you go! Have a lovely time at the amusement park
I used to never put my own needs first. I'd buy expensive clothes for my kids and DH and wear sloppy stuff myself. I'd avoid Dr. visits when I needed them just because I didn't want to be weighed. I'd make excuses and say I didn't feel well to keep from joining the family at the lake. Well, not anymore. I take care of myself now. I have my hair done when it needs it. Buy myself new clothes that fit right. I'm the first one in the car now if anyone mentions the word "GO". I make sure that I keep up with my Dr. visits for routine women's health care and other care as needed. I keep my prescriptions current. Losing wt. has changed my life. I now put my own needs as a priority. I wish I had taken more pride and pleasure in life before the wt. loss, but I just didn't.
Oh GAMERCHICK . . . we all have these kind of moments and we all know how you feel . . . but Please, Please take one little bit of advice from an old, and long-time Diabetic . . . get the disease looked after. You are young and have a long, long life ahead of you . . . believe me you want to live it in the best health possible. . . . Diabetes is not curable; but it is controllable . . .
Gamerchick, Yes, I've done the exact same things. I avoided the doctor for 12 YEARS because I wanted to deny that I was obese and didn't want to know what I weighed. I became so ill in 2005 that I HAD to go to the doctor. That visit was what turned my life around.
As far as swimming, I hadn't swam in over 15 years until last fall. Today the family and I spent the day at the waterpark. I had a ball.
I would buy nice clothes for my kids, but wear the same old cheap clothes for myself. I didn't dream of getting my hair done or wearing expensive perfumes. Deep down, I know that I felt like I didn't deserve any of these things and it was tied to my weight.
In a big way, being good to myself was the first thing needed to LOSE weight. I had to concentrate solely on myself, and for a busy mom with a demanding job, that takes some effort. So although an increase in self-esteem may have came for me with weight loss, initially I had to realize that I was a worthy person and that I deserved to take care of myself, which included losing weight.
Listen to Linda about diabetes. She makes a great point!
I used to never put my own needs first. I'd buy expensive clothes for my kids and DH and wear sloppy stuff myself. I'd avoid Dr. visits when I needed them just because I didn't want to be weighed. I'd make excuses and say I didn't feel well to keep from joining the family at the lake. Well, not anymore. I take care of myself now. I have my hair done when it needs it. Buy myself new clothes that fit right. I'm the first one in the car now if anyone mentions the word "GO". I make sure that I keep up with my Dr. visits for routine women's health care and other care as needed. I keep my prescriptions current. Losing wt. has changed my life. I now put my own needs as a priority. I wish I had taken more pride and pleasure in life before the wt. loss, but I just didn't.
Lily, you sound like me, or rather like the little guy inside my brain....everything you said applies to me. Gamerchick, hang in there. Lily lost weight and changed her life. I've lost weight, and my life is changing in the same ways that Lily's has. You have a right to be happy and healthy, and you can make these changes!
I used to buy clothes to try and hide my size. I think the problem was that they tended to make me look even frumpier. Instead of baggy shirts, tapered ones would have flattered more, but I was afraid they'd bring attention to my weight. I always wanted long hair, but as it grew out, my face looked fatter...to me anyway. So I kept my hair short. I never spent time taking care of myself like I do now. Couldn't reach spots for shaving and applying lotion to all that flab just didn't seem worth it. First, I couldn't reach all the spots, and secondly, why worry about my skin when its that stretched anyway...that's how I viewed it.
I did wear makeup religiously...wouldn't go anywhere without it. Now I do. I think the makeup was being used to try and hide my large face, and/or to show I was pretty hoping people would look at the face and not the rest of me.
I did go swimming, but I picked one piece suits with skirts that began under the breasts and covered a portion of my thighs, and usually I just kept a t-shirt on over that. When out of the pool, I kept a towel wrapped around my waist to hide my legs.
I never stayed away from the doctor, though I did joke about the scale. Everytime they'd tell me to get on the scale I'd be like "Do I have to?", and laugh. I thought by joking about it, it wouldn't cringe as much when I saw it. Usually, I didn't bother to look so it wouldn't upset me.
Most of what I didn't do because of weight wasn't tied to not doing them out of fear of my weight, but not FEELING like doing them BECAUSE I was overweight...and tired. I didn't feel like doing much of anything but plopping down after work. Always needing to rest. Never having energy for the things in life passing me by. I WANTED to do things.
I used to think I hated shopping. And I did to the extent that it meant I had to stand on my feet in line, it meant walking, it meant people bumping into me with carts as they tried squeezing by in tight aisles, it meant energy I didn't have devoted to a necessary task. After losing weight, shopping became fun. I had the energy now, so it was no longer a chore. It meant walking which I had come to enjoy and tried to get in as much as I could everyday. It meant standing in line reading mags for free as my feet, and back, no longer hurt. It meant I was thinner than the buggy, so people hit that before they hit me. LOL
I just came to a point where I finally felt like I COULD get out and do all the things I'd thought about before but was always too tired, felt I never had enough hours in the day, to do. My days now don't seem nearly as hectic as they used to be and that's even with exercise included that I didn't used to do before. I kept thinking about going back to night classes and finally getting my certification, but I was just TOO tired. So I put it off and put it off. Once I'd lost weight, I went back to class, got my test, and got my cert. All while still working the same 40 hour week job. But the difference now was that I wasn't tired like I used to be.
I'd make excuses and say I didn't feel well to keep from joining the family at the lake.
I did the same, but it was because I really didn't feel well. At least in my mind I wasn't up to it. Being overweight can be tiring on the body. There were times I really did want to go with people asking me to go places, but just couldn't summon the energy to do it. It was always "Maybe next time."
and I thought I was the only one. I remember telling my husband that after I lost the weight from my last son I would treat myself to a leather jacket. Guess what? I still don't hace the jacket and my son is 17!
weight loss begins with being good to ourselves FIRST
I absolutely agree that we MUST start taking care of ourselves BEFORE the weight loss can truly begin. I am convinced this the key. I have finally (after much, MUCH too long of beating myself up and down, due to alllllllll those "issues" we all share) started taking care of myself. Because I am making myself FIRST on my list, I am finding I am focusing on what is BEST for ME, not just "oh, this will do."
I believe we are better at taking care of OTHERS when WE are first looking out for ourselves. It is OKAY to care for ourselves first, then others. Sometimes maybe we need "permission" to do that. I am giving myself permission to do just that.
Yeah, I can relate for some things. I wouldn't postpone doctor appointments and visits, nor worry too much about going to the beach when on holidays, but other things tended to slip. For instance, I found out that I didn't worry much about shaving (why bother when you're wrapped in the same old trousers and T-shirts/shirts all year long?). Or putting on make-up (though living in a village with no car and no one to talk to didn't help in my case). Or looking for nice, original clothes, in the fears that they'd make me look worse. Or going to the hairdresser, because I thought 'short hair look bad on a fat woman', so mine were kept long and not really well-trimmed.
I agree that it has to start with ourselves, too, not with the weight loss first. It's hard at first to understand and realize why we ARE worth it, but once I did, then I also found out that I wanted to do so much more than just that, and that was a nice addition to the dose of committment I needed.
(Now I live in a city, and the one who cries is my wallet. :P)
I remember going out to the lake on a day trip with two friends and sitting on the beach in jeans and a tee shirt when they were in their skimpy little cutoffs and bikini tops. I acted miserable and I felt stupid and all I did was compare how awful I looked with them. I wish I had just enjoyed their company because they didn't care how I looked. What a waste of a gorgeous day.
I think we all have days like that, and they never held it against me so thank goodness for the kind people in the world.
Do you hold out on yourself?
Gamerchick, I think we have all done some of those same things at one time or another. It's really overwhelming how being overfat affects us all in so many ways. 
Have a lovely time at the amusement park 
weight loss begins with being good to ourselves FIRST
