Hi everyone. Sorry I've been MIA. Was out of town over a week, sick for 8 days before that. Today my oldest started kindergarten. UGH.
2Fat - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and grandfather! I hope they are both recovering very well by now!!!!!!
Queen - I need a kick in the pants too, you are not the lone ranger.
I love the idea of focusing on other aspects of our healthy life rather than the number on the scale. I hate that thing.
I am STILL the fattest mom at PTA. I was 5 when I realized my mom was bigger than other moms (she was probably a size 12 at the time! And she had 4 kids under the age of 5). Anyway, I worry about my son being paranoid about having the fat mom. I want to be healthy like you guys said -- for a million reasons.
Anyway just wanted to check in and see how all of you were doing and to say hello !
I am STILL the fattest mom at PTA. I was 5 when I realized my mom was bigger than other moms (she was probably a size 12 at the time! And she had 4 kids under the age of 5). Anyway, I worry about my son being paranoid about having the fat mom. I want to be healthy like you guys said -- for a million reasons.
I know what you mean.. I am the fattest girl in the office, the fattest grad student in my classes, always the fat one when we go out with friends, the fat bridesmaid, etc. The worst is when waitresses hit on my husband in front of me because they probably assume I'm too fat to be his wife!
I just have to accept that I am not, and have never been, and will never be one of those women that can eat whatever she wants and still stay thin. I don't have that luxury, so working for a healthy body should mean more to me.
And what is worth more to me... that Papa John's pizza, or feeling good about myself? Eating 4 chocolate doughnuts (yes, I have done that), or having a healthy heart? An entire tube of cookie dough or telling skanky waitresses BACK OFF, I'M HIS WIFE without having to say a word...
I understand totally, Anna. I've always been the fattest everything, too. I can't imagine women hitting on your husband IN FRONT OF YOU! OMG!
I decided last night that I could list the number of things my weight has kept me from doing/enjoying and then post that inside my kitchen cupboard (where dishes/glasses are kept). Here's a partial listing: biking with my son and his friend and her mom, being more confident with men, volunteering for more public presentations at work, etc.
You're right...is pizza or cookie dough worth more than feeling good about ourselves? When you put it like that, no, it isn't. It's silly. Food is fuel for our bodies. We wouldn't overflow the gas tank on our car just to make it feel better, and we wouldn't put something other than high-quality fuel in the tank b/c it won't make the car go (and might wreck something). I really think about this a lot with my DS. I don't want him eating anything that's bad for him. Toxic orange cheetos? Never! But man, do I ever crave them. Why is it OK for mom, and not for my darling boy? IT ISN'T!
BTW, 206 on the scale today. Down 2 since Monday. If I can keep it together this weekend, I might be back on track here!
2Fat - oh man, I so know what you mean. I have a cute husband and I'm certain when we go out in public people wonder what is HE doing with HER?
Or more like, "what is he doing with THAT".
I don't know why it continues to surprise me that I am the biggest. It just does. All the moms here are a size 2 or smaller. I wonder if they are anorexic. They workout at the gym 2 + hrs each morning leaving their kids in child watch, and at night they run, and they constantly have that bottle of water with them. It's sort of like working out is their life, and they fit in being a mom when they have time for it. Hard to explain.
I avoid all the "moms dinners out" because I know if I order what I truly want, I'll get that look like "no wonder you are fat". I don't eat out much, but when I do I like to eat anything I desire, I figure now and then it won't hurt, I know it will but I tell myself it won't.
I feel like I'm so far gone that there is no turning back.
When we first starting our little group I talked about posting a "before I was fat picture", like my "before before". And I never have, maybe I should dig some out.
My schedule will get more in sync in the coming weeks when the youngest is in preschool 2hrs 2 days a week.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
I love having all of you to chat with. It's fabulous to know that each and every one of you KNOW how I feel.
Wish you guys lived here in Ohio !!!
Hugs to all of you girls... you are putting into words exactly how I feel. I always boast that my husband loves me no matter what my size (I was 130 when we met and obviously over 200 now), but that doesn't make the sting of my own thoughts hurt any less.
We went to the new rec center on campus yesterday and there were these 18 yr old freshman girls there, skinny as a rail, and I couldn't help but think, these girls probably assume that he's not my husband because he's so fit and good looking, and I am just a fat lump on a log.
I was so down on myself last night that I ended up kind of taking it out on my husband. I know he loves me, but I couldn't help but think "why are with me? Aren't you ashamed of me? Don't you worry what people think of us when we're out?" Even though he has never said anything of the sort.
I totally know what you all mean about eating out as well - I feel like if I order what I really want, everyone will silently think "and that's why you're fat." I even wonder if my own husband thinks that about me sometimes! Like if I go make popcorn, is he silently thinking "you don't really need that, fatty!" I should give my husband more credit... I am sure it's my own insecurity, but like I said, doesn't make the sting of my own criticism hurt any less.
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You're right...is pizza or cookie dough worth more than feeling good about ourselves? When you put it like that, no, it isn't. It's silly. Food is fuel for our bodies. We wouldn't overflow the gas tank on our car just to make it feel better, and we wouldn't put something other than high-quality fuel in the tank b/c it won't make the car go (and might wreck something). I really think about this a lot with my DS. I don't want him eating anything that's bad for him. Toxic orange cheetos? Never! But man, do I ever crave them. Why is it OK for mom, and not for my darling boy? IT ISN'T!
You are SO RIGHT, K!! And what do we get when we eat pizza or cookie dough... we either feel a very temporary feeling of satisfaction OR a very real sense of frustration and disappointment in ourselves that we gave in again. Neither feeling is good for ourselves. But when we eat well, exercise, and take care our bodies, not only do we feel better physically and mentally, but we can have a sense of accomplishment and pride over the healthy choices we have made.
I notice that I also try to get my DH or friends to eat horribly in order to feel better about myself. My DH loves my cooking, and especially when I make desserts... I think part of my problem is that for so long I have said "I love you" with food, both to my husband and to myself. If I really loved both of us, I'd want to take care of our bodies as best as I could so that we could both be around for the long haul.
Sorry this post is such a downer, last night just made me feel really blue. But I'm SO GLAD you ladies are around and it helps so much to for someone to say "I know how you feel..."
2Fat - your post wasn't a downer. We all need to get it out of our system, and this is just the best place to lean on each other, and lend an ear, etc.
I used to be my husbands TROPHY wife and I could feel the stares on my chest or butt when we'd be out, and I could see him beaming with pride.
I do feel bad for him, he says he strives to stay in shape for ME. It's just harder for me to lose than him. And he has never been more than 10 lbs over weight!
Sooo, with all this talk - I'm back on my healthy kick again - I have a question - what is on your grocery list for the week? We go every 2 weeks, because we both hate going. We stock up on milk & bread, and have an extra fridge/ freezer in the garage. When I shop I'm usually just thinking about meals for the kids.
If I saw some other grocery lists it might inspire me to better plan some meals. If not a grocery list, maybe tell me what you ate today from 8am to noon.?
Good idea about grocery lists...I don't have one for this week yet, but I can tell you what's on the menu today...
2 whole wheat mini muffins with dried cherries (made from a Hodgson's Mill mix with no oil -- applesauce instead and my own cherry add-in) = 100 cals and
1 glass skim milk
lots of orbit vanilla mint gum
1/2 tofu/black bean burrito from Moe's (lunch out with a friend after my workout at the Y) = 245 cals
a few chips
grilled salmon, some steamed veggie, maybe a potato?
BTW, I did my weight workout at the gym today. I talked with my boss about taking longer lunch hours, and he said he doesn't care, so 2-3 times/week, I'll get my butt over to the Y to do something. Today it was weights. Tomorrow, I'm thinking about "swimming" laps (kickboard probably b/c I'm not that strong a swimmer unless it's backstroke). It solves my "I don't want to put my kid in child watch when he's been in daycare all day" problem AND I get to workout. Hooray.
As for the car analogy...I think I'm kinda a minivan or a small SUV right now, but I'd like to be a porche 911 or a maybe a maserati someday...
2B, I had to laugh, my husband is the same way... super in shape and can cut out, say drinking soda, and lose 10 lbs right off the bat. I cringed when he hopped on the scale the other night and he's only 10 lbs heavier than me!!!! He is almost a foot taller than me... that just sucks!
I saw this idea on here and it has really helped a lot. Someone mentioned gathering recipes for three weeks so that it was on a 3-week cycle. I finally sat down and did that one afternoon, used WW recipes and healthy recipes from allrecipes.com, then at the beginning of each week, I take out the recipe cards that I want to use that week and write down the ingredients. I just went to the store on Monday and this is what I remember from the list...
blueberries, frozen strawberries and frozen cherries (for smoothies)
1% milk
lean deli turkey
whole grain bread made with flax seed
soy nuts (yum!)
Kashi trail mix bars
Healthy Heart whole grain oatmeal with cranberries
Whole grain Wheat Thins
1% cottage cheese
low sodium V8
big bag of mixed lettuce for salad
Paul Newman's light asian soy dressing
sugar-free gum (I pop a piece after lunch so I don't have the urge to visit the snack machine for something sweet!)
fuji apples
fresh green beans, bell peppers, zucchini/squash
When we're eating healthy, this is a pretty typical shopping list. But keep in mind, I'm feeding just me and a husband, so you might want to add a few more healthy snacks for the kids. Litehouse makes these "light caramel sauce" individual packets that have 100 calories each. I use them to dip apples in and it's portion controlled so I don't get sucked into eating the entire tub of caramel!
Today I had oatmeal and a fuji apple for breakfast, for lunch I went out with my brother so I had smoked turkey breast and a side salad, and for dinner it's grilled chicken breast with grilled corn on the cob and a side salad.
K, way to go on the workout! I am sucking it up again tonight and going to the new rec center with my husband. And WAY TO GO on asking the guy out!!!! That is awesome! What concert are you going to?
Dec. 9th is my one-year anniversary and I would LOVE to be in the lower 180s/higher 170s by then... we are also going to spend Christmas with my parents and it would be awesome if I actually came home thinner, rather than bigger like they're used to!
Last edited by 2Fat4myJeans; 08-30-2007 at 02:41 PM.
Reason: spelling!
I'm late, I'm late! Haha, I'm one of those horrible people that's usually late for everything - seems it's bleeding over to the forums, too.
What's your weigh-in (if you care to share): 199! REALLY slow loss, but this week I don't care - it's ONEderland!
How'd you do on last week's goal (and remind us of what it was): Doing great on keeping hydrated!
What's your goal this week (it can be anything you choose): This week I'm going to stay generic and say my goal is to "stay on plan," because I know I'm not ready to add extra exercise in (walking to and from class has me sweating enough as it is! ).
What do you most look forward to doing when you reach your goal weight?: Being comfortable in public! Right now I fuss with my clothes and hair and everything incessantly to try to cover unsightly bits and look kind of "normal." I greatly look forward to not giving a crap!
I hope everyone's week gets better. Sounds like you've all had to deal with a ridiculous amount of obstacles, but you're truckin' on regardless. Wonderful! You're perfectly right - it's not about the results, as nice as they are, it's about doing it.
And HotMama, hope you enjoy your little stay in my oven-for-a-state!
Congrats Ethereal for breaking into the 100's, Whooohoo, high-five girlfriend!!! Hope to get there myself this year, lol.
Ladies, do you remember being slim or slimmer and still feeling insecure? I do, even when the mirror told me it was all pretty; my eye would be drawn to some subtle imperfection and I would worry that that was all anyone else would see. Crazy, huh? Or ever see another attractive overweight girl and think, "she's really pretty", I do. All I'm getting at is we can be so harsh on ourselves and most people aren't zoning in on our flaws -- yes, this is the logical side of me talking. But really, I know we will all feel 110% better as we look better and it's healthier for sure, most people probably notice the nice things about us, especially if they like us to begin with.
Good point, hotmama. It is possible to be thin and still lack confidence. I remember being a size 12-14 in high school and having zippo confidence and obsessing over every little "flaw" I had. Today, I would kill to be that size again BUT, I know that I'm a much more patient and accepting person now that I'm 41 than I was back then. There's no reason why I can't be patient and accepting of myself, too.
I also think that, for me at least, I'm gaining confidence as I work to lose this weight. I feel much more in control -- the things I'm working on (eating right, exercise) are resulting in things I want (feeling healthier, stronger, and weighing less). Though today, I'm feeling SORE...weight lifting yesterday lets me know about muscle groups I didn't know I had today.
OOOOooooo, and...I "trash picked" a kettler tricycle on a stick today! It was just sitting on the curb with a bunch of other junk marked "free". My DS has a kettler tricycle, but it's an older model and they no longer make the "stick" to fit it -- so this is a major find. 2-year-olds meander on evening walks (not much of a workout for mom), but they can trike pretty fast (go, mom, go!) But, they also get tired and want to be pushed or need help remembering to stop at intersections...hence...THE STICK! I'm sooooooo psyched.
I agree, I've always been hard on myself as well, even when I was smaller. Of course, I wasn't MUCH smaller (I remember being proud that I broke 100 lbs before most kids in elementary school, and I was ~160 through high school, which was bigger than everyone else)... so I've never really known what it felt like to be as fit and healthy as the people around me. Still, I think I will learn to be critical of other things - my art, my productivity, my work ethic, maybe even my face/makeup/etc... but I have a feeling I will feel dead sexy if I reach goal, because it's much less than I've ever weighed in my adult life. I will *definitely* see it!
I am the fattest girl in the office, the fattest grad student in my classes, always the fat one when we go out with friends, the fat bridesmaid, etc. The worst is when waitresses hit on my husband in front of me because they probably assume I'm too fat to be his wife! 
