Mande and marbles I took forever to write that and just see you both posted so I am going to read em and then I will post. (Just didn't want you two to think I am ignoring yas!)
Mande: thanx so much for sharing that hun! I am so glad you got thru it. I do want to get her into a great counselor, I explained that in my above post. I am trying to focus with her on healthy eating and exercise not on weight. That is why she has only been weighed 3 times since last summer. I was thinking once a month would be a good standard and she seems okay with it. I try not to make it an "issue" but she has seen me losing and is very proud of me. I have set her down and talked to her about health concerns though as both my parents are dead because of their lifestyles etc. I always grew up knowing the dangers of drugs and stayed away from it. I never realized about the dangers of "bad foods" and not exercising and eating too much etc. So I am trying to teach my kids that. I don't try to focus on her size or weight etc. I don't want her feeling like that too. I am sure she knows.
I do feel this stuff is bad and needs to be gotten rid of. There were many demonic images and I was so shocked. No wonder she is having trouble. I do know there are deeper problems and that is just the tip of the iceburg. (Kind of like ozzys suicide solution, many kids grew up hearing that and nothing, some kids took it to heart and killed themselves, now obviously there had to be something else going on for them to not be able to "handle" that music. But they obviously couldnt and it was a breaking point, surrounding themselves with crap like that just pushed them over the edge. So with her she doesn't need more bad stuff that feeds on this. I know that is not the primary problem. I think you all know what I mean. We are going to work thru it with her and maybe spending more time with me would be good for her. Maybe she needs that more attention.)
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Make sure she knows that SHE IS NOT A BAD PERSON for what she is doing. There is probably a lot of guilt attached to you finding out what she's doing. That she may have let you down in some way. And a lot of relief at the same time because she doesn't have to hide it anymore.
Great idea. This was the first two times she did it. I think she also did it in a place where she KNEW we would see. I know she wanted us to find out so that is great. She has been alot more cheerful and I think just getting that off her chest really helped. She is really happy not to be going back to school and was trying to be super helpful with dinner last nite. I feel we are on the right track. Now just to replace her hobby.
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I am here any time you need me, any questions you have, I can help you find information! Anything you ask, it's your's!
Thanx so much sweetie!!!
I also strongly feel that it was a demonic attack. I didn't say this earlier but even just last week I was getting depressed and didn't know why, I thought it was cause of getting tom soon. I was so upset one nite when Joe was on his way home from work on the bus I was crying and started having a panic attack and tryed to keep hanging up with him on the phone, he kept calling back. Something in my head was telling me to slice my arm or my wrist!! I HATE pain and I HATE blood! But it was very overwhelming. Even though I am very strong in prayer and rebuking the enemy when I "see it". When I get upset like that I don't even realize I am being attacked and that is when Joe starts praying for me and I am able to calm down!! I was able to fight the temptation of that by thinking of the consequences and how mad i would be if I did that. I told myself if you need to let some anger out etc than break something! haha I know, sounds bad but better than cutting myself. But I didn't want to do that either so just stayed in bed til Joe got home.
I felt bad that something was attacking both her and I and I didn't even realize it.
marbleflys:
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OY! Jasmine, I feel for you...as the single parent of a former rebellous, unhappy overweight teenage daughter, I know you want to shield your child and keep her safe, healthy and happy.....(it ain't easy).
Get some outside help for her....your insurance should approve counseling by a social worker who acts in a psych. setting. (MSW)...you need professional intervention along with prayers....and further isolating her might not be the best solution
I have thought about all this and am going to get her counseling. I have also weighed the pros and cons of the home study thing and have always wanted to push the social thing. But it is not working. And especially in this area it may do more harm than good. (If anyone remmebers it was just a few months ago she was in the middle of a fight with gangmembers that were neighbours and I had to go get in the middle to protect her! Gangs, drugs and Gosh knows what else at the school. She doesn't want to be there and right now I can honestly think of a good reason why. Lots of moms home school to control the environment. (usually christian) I am not a controlling person but do think if you are committed and organized it can be a good thing. I do feel she still needs to have a social outlet and we still have church. Like I said she really does NOT want to be around people at all at this point and I think it does have to do with her weight and that with her being home we can work on that and esp. we are either moving to Mt this year or egtting another vehicle. So either way we will be taking them out to do stuff on the weekends and she actually does enjoy that. Hopefully maybe in two years she will want to get back into stuff and I do want to see if I can find her a christian club etc around here.
OK, now I see your point for the HSchooling........the environment at school is not safe...even if she was a "street-tough" kid....I'm a typical NJ native, urban born & bred, (I escaped to UPenn) 30 mins. from NYC, when I think of CA, I think you all live at Malibu beach and drive hummers....sorry, it must be like Newark.
Keeping her from a gang area, vicious kids with no conscious or example to follow....absolutely.....if she is sensitive in nature, she's more likely to be a target...(they always pick on them). I hope she finds a good social network as she gains more confidence in herself.
FYI, it's my experience that counseling would involve private sessions for her and then some family sessions where you gain insite to her perceptions and are advised on how you proceed to solve the problem.
Thanx Marbles!! Yeah it is NOT Malibu Beach! hahahahaha We are about 100 miles from L.A. We live in the high desert area. We moved here from San BErnardino area which had gotten VERY bad! SO the "high desert" is a BIG step up and although we don't have the gang problems of L.A. or Berdoo, it is getting ALOT worse cause they are sending all the bad kids from there up here and now homes up here, although they have skyrocketed in price, are still MUCH cheaper here than down below. So EVERYONE is moving up here!
The house we live in is only about 15 years od. So they are all still nice. What happened was when the air force base was here(4 miles away) people were building and buying but then that closed so alot of people moved away and not much work out here etc. So prices fell hard and there were even alot of "hud" homes out here. (Wish I would of been able to buy then!) So trying to escape the real bad areas in Berdoo this is like a paradise compared to it. Most of my neighbours are spanish speaking, no english. A few whites and a few blacks. When we moved here it was probably about $80,000 wish i would of been able to buy this house(4 bedroom/2 bathroom/corner lot) That was barely 5 years ago. Now this house is appraised at $280,000!!! Our rent was $725.00 and crept up to $750.00 and now is $900.00 which is still a great deal. I have a friend in the seedier section of this town renting a 2 bedroom apt for $650.00!!! That is crazy!
So all in all the area is pretty good BUT this last 2 years it has gotten bad. 2 xmases ago our house was broken into and someone stole BOTH ps2's, games, dvd players, etc!!! Around February of last year it went from "not so bad" to REALLY BAD!! catty corner and across the street a gang family moved in. I swear there was like 20 of em! 2 moms two dads and a pile of kids and teenagers. They all looked like gang bangers and the girls came over and wanted Kass(my eldest) to go hang out and talk but she didn't want to.
There were two girls and one boy that rode Chris and Kass bus out to jr. high with them. Lots of cars coming and going. Cops coming by all the time. At 4 o clock one morning we heard a drive by shooting!!!! Guess where? Yep! At their house. The first shooting I have EVER heard up here! Fortunately they are on the other side of the street but what if they started shooting back? That is our house!!! VERY scary!!!
It really hit in June when it started getting warm and the rest of the house was locked but we decided to keep our window open a little. Around 3 a.m. I heard the mini blind roll straight up!!! I woke up but thought maybe a bird hit it?!? Went back to sleep but was a little disturbed. 4 oclock I feel a presence in my room!! I look over and there is some guy sitting in our window!!!!!! (We have a huge sliding glass window) I started screaming and grabbing at Joe. He finally woke up turned and looked but the guy was gone by then. I managed to choke out someones here. He thought I just "thought" he didn't know I had seen someone but he got on his pants and was getting ready to race out there anyhow.
I KNEW someone was there and that he would probably meet up with them. Joey grew up tough and I know he can handle himself but idk if the guy had a gun or a knife or if someone else was in the house with our kids etc!!!! SO I said, NO! Go check on the kids!!!!! He did and they were fine and then went around the house and seen a bike out front by our car!!!! I had a panic attack so bad that morning we thought I was having a heart attack!!!! Stole my purse and everything
That is what pretty much sealed the decision that we HAVE to move!!!!
Then not long later Kass and Chris having trouble with the gang family. (They had done a drive by on another family that they thought was harassing their kids) This time it was THEIR kids harassing MY kids! I am NOT going to stand for it! So I went over there and got in a very heated discussion where the mom agreed, her boy is a bad kid and that all her older kids are in juvenile hall. She has 10! I suggested that if our kids do not like each other than they all can stay away from each other etc!
Thank God that turned out okay. They also moved about 2 months ago so things are settling down again but this is the kind of stuff we are dealing with here.
At the other jr. high they went to last year(That one closed down) I worked there as a cashier. Anyhow my son is more on the scrawny side and was not raised rough. HE does get picked on cause he is smaller and not "tough enough" and he is also in a smaller class so he can focus and learn! Anyhow someone tryed to get in a fight with him, (not the first one) but he tryed to fight back and the security guard even came and talked to me and let me know what was going on. She asked me to PLEASE tell my son to NOT fight back, to come and get one of them. She said alot of these kids are really bad and bring their own weapons to school etc. She said he could get seriously hurt trying to fight back! uuggghhhhhh
And that really sucks cause I have always tryed to teach my kids how to stand up for themselves etc and for me to get involved only when it is serious(like the gang case)
Yeah we just want to get the **** away. Joey grew up for a few years in south Carolina and that really toughed him up. He has been in many fights and even been stabbed. So when he moved to Mt he was like in culture shock. That is good. That is what we want!!
my daughter was reclusive at home, hated me, blamed me for her weight, loved her friends, ran away 3X in one year...(from NJ to Texas) and it took 3 years to get her back on track, I never could have done it alone and her father took an active loving roll....he was a baffled as I was.
I just found out they have a teen center in town!! It is based on God and supported through people and churchs. wow it has been here for 5 years and I had no idea.
Jasmine I just want to tell you that my prayers are with you. I was a very lonely child growing up my parents were divorced, I had what I thought an evil step mother and I moved in with my mother at age 11 who was never home worked full-time and was always at the bar after that at least til midnight if not later.
I could not stand school!! Kids were and are still cruel and I always felt like I didn't fit in. I too tried to cut my self around age 14 with glass in a abandoned barn by myself a couple times, but luckily it didn't work. We moved and I still was lonely. I got into alcohol and drugs, dropped out of school at age 17. Later after moving again by myself to Oregon then back to CA down south by Fresno.
I got focused somewhere along the line and obtained my GED then started college and found a new focus in life, but then I had to move back to the same area and moved back with my mom I didn't want to (I was enjoying being on my own for once) and cried with heart sickness.
I had my first son got divorced and had a new focus someone that I had to take care of and I swore I would make sure my children were never lonely and had some sort of focus in life (finally, a reason to live; I never knew what love was until then).
I finally reached my goal finishing college and becoming a nurse at age 28. I Never thought it would happen. I was then able to support myself if needed, but have always desired to stay home full-time, but I am able to stay home much of the time only working 8 days a month. Even now those feelings of worthlessness come back and even interfere with work and life.
I ask my kids everything. I am kind of more of a friend at times than a parent. Although through play, I try and teach them everything that I have learned upon the way. I ask a million questions and try to listen as much as possible. I look at all of their friends and ask them questions we play games like Chicken Soup for the Kids Soul ( you wouldn't believe what comes out then).
I probably bug them too much and they do tell me to stop sometimes, but I just say you know what I am learning too and I am doing way better then my parents did before me. I had to learn the hard way.
I tell them I hope they use the info in a productive manner and I constantly remind them that staying here is only a temporary thing, I am just here to love and teach them what I know, they have their whole lives in front of them and that they will have to make their own way and ask what they are going to do with their lives (college, job, what?).
My oldest will be 14 next month and it scares me everyday, I keep waiting for him to slam the door in my face and shut me out. He is as tall as me now and next year probably taller. I just hope I can keep him focused and busy (sports etc...and keep him focused on health, mentally and physically).
Don't know what you can do with that above but I will be praying for you! Thank God you found out now!!
Last edited by loveandlaughalways; 01-20-2007 at 12:20 AM.
I am so glad that everyone is so supportive of you and your family Jasmine, I should of known they would be. It is so unbelieveable all that I read, I am totally shocked, only because so much of it I can relate to myself. Hooray for these wonderful ladies, you should all be so proud of what you have been thru and come out of. I know that is hard, as I am relating to being lonely myself, my mom preferred my 3 brothers and was very hard on me, I had to clean up after them all the time, they never had many chores, were spoiled.
I was seperated from my X when my daughter was 17mths and I was pregnant for my son, took the idiot back for 6 weeks and we split again, he wrote my car off, left me living outside the city, in the country where I only new one person, called and was coming after me one night when he was drunk, I got out with the kids and never lived there again. When I packed up my Dad was there and had a baseball bat in case he came back, he didn't.
I lived in a one bedroom apt. with my two kids in the bedroom in cribs and me on a pull out couch in the living room. I swore that my kids would be brought up different, listened too and shown they were loved, and I did, but that still was not enough for my daughter, sometimes no matter what we do, it is not enough. She was always a loner, had one friend she still is friends with, spent a lot of time alone in her room too, I would check on her, be there for her if she was upset, hold her, try to say the right words and never feel even now that I do. But she was like her Dad, very stubborn, with a mind of her own from a young age. She left home to live with a guy when she was 17, she quit school and worked full time at Wendy's Rest., he was a guy who was not very intelligent, but had some money. She lived there for maybe 4 mths, then we brought her home and she was even more indepentent, she had had a touch of freedom (she asked to come home), but that is when she went to counselling at this school and she would go in one door and out another, then meet me for pick-up. Eventually I was able to influence her to go back to school and graduate, the day she did she said, I only did this because of you. But then she went to college, found her nitch and is doing well now, she still suffers from SAD disorder, but her dad and I suffer from depression, so it did not come as a big surprise, with the trials of trying to get her out of her bed and all the rest that went with it. I have never seen her so happy as she is now, with the man of her dreams, she takes things in stride, laughs a lot, is just plain happy.
So people and especially Jasmine, you can do everything in your power and she still may show a mind of her own. Though I think because of her age, you have a lot more going for you, in dealing with her. Just keep up what your doing, with giving her a lot of attention and really listening to her, I agree with the counseling the girls have suggested, but make sure she is happy with the person she has to relate too, even if you have to try more than one. I think that is really important. I prayed for her today and will continue to do so.
Good thing the gang family moved away, I think it does not matter where you live, we were suspicious of the people living next door, sure enough they had a grow operation going, our houses are all around 50 yrs. old, and most times the grow operations around here are in the newer and bigger houses, but the signs never seem to change. Thank goodness they moved. We talked to the next owner and found out there was the big flouresent lights all piled downstairs.
I was 135 in grade 8 and was called Baby Moose, I was so hurt it stayed with me, I gained from there and probably was about 160 when I graduated. But I have been a yo yo dieter all my life, I can feel for your daughter and how cruel kids can be. So you get my vote on the home schooling.
Thanks for the kind words about my arm, it is now the waiting game that I hate, I want to take action, once a decision is made.
I visited Dad tonight, he is doing much better, he felt a little worse earlier in the day, so glad he came around.
Food wise today, was not too bad, had two smoothies and a roast beef sub on whole wheat. Only exercise was walking around the stores and grocery shopping, hubby was with me so curbed my spending thank-goodness. Was still at 131 when I weighed, so that is okay.
I've been mia for a few days. Jasmine I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. My son was 7 when he started cutting himself. He had over 40 cuts over his body one day on the playground. We had to put him in a hospital for a week. They explained that when someone hurts so badly inside and does not no how to handle it, they cut themselves because they understand physical pain and its easier to deal with.
Anyway he is 12 now and on meds and an honor student. It hasn't happened again since the meds were straightened out.
Life is pretty busy around here. Got our water bill and found out we had two leaking toilets! We were able to fix one and hired someone to fix the other one. Oh well.
I'm doing just okay on eating. Not overeating but not really dieting well either. I've haven't been exercising either.
I got blood work taken from an allergist and found out that my thybroglouibin (sp?) is 117. A normal range is below 10. I'm not sure what that means. I called my doctors office and did not get a return call. I did some research on the internet and there were all kinds of possibilities from hyperthyroid to cancer. Just like someone to explain it to me.
We are going to a reward luncheon for my oldest son. He got a scholarship for writing a paper on freedom. We find out today if he wins regional. If he does he has to read his paper out loud today and I think he secretly hopes that he doesn't win.
well i weighed in this morning the scale said 225 so i guess it was wrong from 223 am i disappointed yeah but its still a loss so i guess i better be happy about that. Im really getting a new scale this is irratating
Hi everyone, my name is Sumi, I was hoping I could join in on your challenge! I have a overall goal of 50 lb's to lose. But my first goal is 10%. I hope to meet this first goal by April, for no paticular reason other than it is what I have set I hope I can jump in and get to know you all, I sure could use some support, I am new to dieting and I seem to be very bad at it! --Sumi
I got blood work taken from an allergist and found out that my thybroglouibin (sp?) is 117. A normal range is below 10. I'm not sure what that means. I called my doctors office and did not get a return call. I did some research on the internet and there were all kinds of possibilities from hyperthyroid to cancer. Just like someone to explain it to me.
Hi! When I was over on the low carb board there was this awesome lady called nonstickpam who knew everything there is to know about thyroid. I acually went in last june thinking I was hypo, but found out I was anemic. Which is serious too but I was hoping it would explain my weight gain. Anyway as far as the bloodwork they did (which was like pulling teeth) they didnt find didly squat for me LOL They still didn't test my free t3 and antibodies ERR (I can send you the link if you like, she can explain your bloodwork).
welcome Sumisan! everyone here are great and have lost of great info
we start a new thread every sunday I also am not all that great with dieting but from what i hear it takes 10days to turn something into a habit. I thought about low carb since im not a big bread eater either but programs like atkins is way to restrictive for me.
Just a quickie to post that I had a great treadmill workout this a.m. 3 miles w/plenty of running. I did the 3 miles in 46 minutes -- that's 2 minutes off my normal time!! Very pleased with this little NSV. I think the cold I had that was dragging me down all week is finally on its way out. Now my husband has it. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Stopeating, sorry I am no help is the area you need. Maybe you can try the person from the other link?
Sumisan welcome, yes we all are pretty supportive of each other and try and help if we can. I myself am having a hard time co-ordinating the exercise and dieting, I just started in Nov. I also need to lose at least 50 lbs. due to my bad knee.
Today started off great with exercising on the floor for at least 50 mins., then I was busy most of the day, with household chores, then tonight, I ate choclate, after a good meal and had a drink, I don't know what is the matter with me. Maybe it is all the health issues. Plus a small fight again with my daughter re: the date for Dad's birthday party and her's being so close. I am going to call her finance' this week and suggest he have a surprise party for her. That might get me off the hook, but I will still be the bad guy! YUM Do kids ever grow up and realize you can't please everyone all the time and who is most important in the party area, her grandfather who will be 95 or her who will be 30. I am not saying I would ecnore her birthday, I was planning a special dinner for her, but with her attitude I am finding it hard to plan anything for her. Oh well that is life.
How are you doing Jasmine, been thinking and praying for you all.
Good luck everyone for tomorrow.
Sharon
Thanks Sumisan - I would like to try out the link.
Miafluker - A loss! Yeah!!
Sharon - It is so frustrating when happy times turn into arguing and fights. I'm going through that right now and I feel frustrated. All you can do is your best.
We went to the regional awards scholarship dinner yesterday. My son did not make the next level but it was really cute. He was so nervous because there were so many people he was praying so hard that he wouldn't win because he didn't want to get in front of everyone and read his speech!
My little one has been saving money for a Nintendo Wii and a shipment arrived at the store early this morning. I got out of bed early, through on a coat, and took him to the store in the freezing cold. He is now officially the happiest little boy in Michigan! It was well worth it and I can hear him and his brothers laughing like crazy and getting along upstairs right now!
Okay I am going to go ride my bike for the first time in a week. We may go sledding today. Not my favorite thing because I get so cold, but we only do it two or three times and I do have fun.
