Hello,
I've been lurking here for a couple of days - and it seems to be the way I lurk thru my whole weight issues. I know I need to lose over 100 pounds - but WHY oh WHY do I still eat things I shouldnt?
Is it because in my 29 year old life, I've gained back all of the weight I lost and put on more? When I was 16, I lost 60 pounds by taking diet pills; I lost weight so quickly that I had to get my gallbladder removed. Gained it all back. Went on weight watchers during those college years when you're searching for a man, and lost about 80 pounds. Gained it all back after I found my man. Getting married, gotta get a dress! Lost 100 pounds on Atkins. After being married for almost 2 years, I've gained it all back again.
So here, I am, AGAIN after I said 3 times before that I'd never gain it all back again. But I have. And I dont know what to do. I can't get committed to any plan. I can't even get STARTED on any plan.
I'm desparate here, I need something to click in my brain to get me committed. It seems that I can only be motivated if I have an outside goal. (marriage, etc). Problem is, I need to do this for me. Everyone keeps asking my husband and myself when we are having kids; and I think that the reason I dont want kids is because I think that I'm not going to be able to concieve because I'm morbidly obese.
You would think that the fact that I cant walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, worrying about if i am going to fit into chairs, etc would push me to finally do it. But for some reason, it hasn't. I'm worried that surgery is the only thing that is going to be able to keep me NORMAL forever, since obviously I've proved that I can lose the weight when I want - but the minute I'm off the plan that's it. I'd go for surgery, but my husband tells me that he would never let me do that and would kill me first. In my mind I say "what does it matter, I'm killing myself by being this overweight anyway..."
Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble on - I'm just looking here for some inspiration and some buddies to help me get motivated.
Thanks.