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Old 05-30-2006, 10:04 AM   #1  
One meal at a time
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Unhappy New, and I know I need to change, but...


I've been lurking here for a couple of days - and it seems to be the way I lurk thru my whole weight issues. I know I need to lose over 100 pounds - but WHY oh WHY do I still eat things I shouldnt?

Is it because in my 29 year old life, I've gained back all of the weight I lost and put on more? When I was 16, I lost 60 pounds by taking diet pills; I lost weight so quickly that I had to get my gallbladder removed. Gained it all back. Went on weight watchers during those college years when you're searching for a man, and lost about 80 pounds. Gained it all back after I found my man. Getting married, gotta get a dress! Lost 100 pounds on Atkins. After being married for almost 2 years, I've gained it all back again.

So here, I am, AGAIN after I said 3 times before that I'd never gain it all back again. But I have. And I dont know what to do. I can't get committed to any plan. I can't even get STARTED on any plan.

I'm desparate here, I need something to click in my brain to get me committed. It seems that I can only be motivated if I have an outside goal. (marriage, etc). Problem is, I need to do this for me. Everyone keeps asking my husband and myself when we are having kids; and I think that the reason I dont want kids is because I think that I'm not going to be able to concieve because I'm morbidly obese.

You would think that the fact that I cant walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath, worrying about if i am going to fit into chairs, etc would push me to finally do it. But for some reason, it hasn't. I'm worried that surgery is the only thing that is going to be able to keep me NORMAL forever, since obviously I've proved that I can lose the weight when I want - but the minute I'm off the plan that's it. I'd go for surgery, but my husband tells me that he would never let me do that and would kill me first. In my mind I say "what does it matter, I'm killing myself by being this overweight anyway..."

Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble on - I'm just looking here for some inspiration and some buddies to help me get motivated.

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Old 05-30-2006, 10:45 AM   #2  
I don't even own a wagon.
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First, let me say Welcome, and that I am glad you found this place. You are exactly where you should be, and the fact that you are taking these steps shows just how strong you are- don't take that away from yourself!

I think that you are absolutely right in that you have to find the reason for losing the weight- something that is just for you. A reason that will not only give you the strength to lose the weight, but also the fortitude to keep up the healthy eating and exercise once the weight is gone. For me, it is the chance to become a more active, athletic person. That might not be the best reason for you, but I guarantee that there is something. Some people call it "the click"- and when you have found it, this journey becomes a lot easier, fulfilling, and (dare I say?) fun.

Then comes the actions- eating right and exercise. There are a lot of dietary plans here to look at and decide on. Which way you chose to go is very personnal, and I would hesitate to tell you what is best for you, but I do strongly suggest that you only chose a plan that you will be happy with now, and that you will be happy with for the rest of your life. As far as exercise- again, which way you go is going to depend on a lot of factors, but I think it is important that at least a large portion of your activity is fun as well as calorie burning. Then, when you have lost the weight, you will have a hobby that will naturally help keep yourself in shape.

The main thing, the most important thing, is to never give up! Some of us get it on the first try, some of us take a bit longer (I'm on try 2), but as long as we never give up there is no reason that we can't get there. And- when it comes to health- the benefits of a healthy diet and exercise are realized immediately, not just when the weight is gone.

There are a lot of wonderful, supportive, and knowledgeable women* here who have been through and are going through this same journey- there is no reason that you have to do this alone!

*edit: and guys, too! Sorry fellas.

Last edited by andoreth; 05-30-2006 at 11:28 AM.
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Old 05-30-2006, 10:54 AM   #3  
Never surrender
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I could feel your sadness reading your post. I've gained and lost 100 lbs since highschool (I'm 42 now), actually more, because I've lost smaller amounts and gained them back along the way too.

You're still very young. I felt like I learned something about weight loss and myself each time I attempted to get the pounds off, and I'd bet you have too. So you're not starting from scratch, you're actually starting from an experienced place.

This time around for me, I began with small steps: changing portion sizes, the foods I ate, the amount of exercise. I'm not a big believer in motivation, I think switching habits has been the most helpful, having a routine that works, not having temptation at hand, etc. -- those are things that have saved me over time. Maybe all or nothing thinking about it makes it harder for you to start?

I still have a way to go on this journey, and I encounter glitches (why do I eat things I shouldn't? -- really it's not foods that I shouldn't, it's foods eaten inappropriately that aren't promoting my goal of losing weight. That may sound like semantics, but believe me there's a difference. It's a no win situation for me to start getting into a mode of thinking that I'm deprived.)

Hang in there.
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Old 05-30-2006, 11:22 AM   #4  
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First off, Welcome!

As you can imagine I'm not the first , nor the last one that will say that I totaly understand how you feel. We've all been there..are still are in some ways.

I did the same as you, take one "miracle" diet pill or plan, lose tons of weight and as soon as I would either stop or get taken off of the plan, I would gain it all back and more.

I noticed one thing...I would never make it a life style change. It was alway temporary, making the lost temporary.

I have noticed that this board is filled with "life style change" plans and almost no one talks about diet but rather plan. This is actualy a life saver for me since I tend to do the total opposite when I heared "diet" instead of plan. Idiotic but true.

You will be getting more then enough tips, support and motivation from everyone here. I found everyone here a blessing.

Hope you enjoy your stay.
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Old 05-30-2006, 11:27 AM   #5  
for me, for them
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Welcome to the group! Please don't give up on yourself. You've already gotten great advice from the previous posters. I'll just add my support in letting you know that you are not alone. At 21, I'm on try #3 within a few short years. I gained all my weight during high school (more than 100lbs). My first try (age 18), shortly after I started college, I used the bad diet pills (w/ ephedra) and lost 70lbs. Gained it back within a year. The second (age 20), I lost the same 70 it the "right way" and still gained it all back. By this year, I'd reached an all-time high. I have the same fears about conceiving a child. I'm getting married in less than two weeks and everyone wants to know when we'll start trying. While I want children desparately, I'm scared of not being able to conceive, or not being able to be an active part of their lives.

To keep long stories short, I just want you to know that I understand. A lot of people in this group do. We're all here in support of each other and seeking support for ourselves. I hope that you find the motivation you need. Best.
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Old 05-30-2006, 12:34 PM   #6  
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I forgot to add that as for the childbearing part. My friend is quite a few pounds heavier than I and not problems conceiving. I know a few other people getting pregnant while being heavier.

As for me , we have been trying to conceive for almost 5years and in January learned that I have PCOS making it harder for us to achieve our goal. My RE told me that a lost of 20lbs can make a great deal of difference during your pregnancy and will only make your pregnancy healthier and easier. Which only makes sense...right???

We could buddy up and motivate each other to achieve our ultimate goal of motherhood by losing some weight for life instead of for a while.

Here a few tips I got from my many failed attemps (which do work but I learned about them too late)

I found this trick particularly good....Make only one meal, a healthy one, for the whole family. That way you don't get tired of being set apart or doubling your work and you are just installing healthy value to your whole family.

Drink your 8 glasses of water as plain as possible (you can add lemon juice, it's fine). It cleans your body of toxins, makes your muscle accept exercise better , helps you absob some important vitamins, helps the complexion, etc.

Re-invent your favorite recipes, that way you get what you love, just not all the original calories.

Eat slowly. Your body will have the time to tell you it's full.

Take small steps out of the ordinary, like take the stairs to your office (or start with the last flight of stairs before your office and grow from there) ( realy works good ..when you work on the 11th floor. ), park your car at the end of the parking lot when shopping , if you take the bus, get off one stop earlier, ect. There are tons of little things you can do, to start up your metabolism and get your body use to your new life plan.

If you work in an office, you can keep yourself some boxes of raisins and other healthy snacks to help you with cravings between meals without having the trip to the snack distributor.

Hope these help you start up your journey to a new you.
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Old 05-30-2006, 12:48 PM   #7  
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I just want to say that you've been given some wonderful advice here

I don't have too much to add, but definitely want to you to our little family!!!!

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Old 05-30-2006, 01:21 PM   #8  
Just Me
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You can lose weight and keep it off. As others have said, the problem may be seeking a temporary solution to a permanent problem. If you talk to someone who has lost weight and kept it off, they say that their maintaining lifestyle isn't much different than their weight loss lifestyle. (You could peruse the maintainer's forum for more info)

You can start small with changes you make until they build up into a completely new eating and exercise lifestyle. Do you exercise? Start walking a couple days per week if not. Increase your intensity and length of workouts as you go. Start counting your calories to get a good idea of how many calories you eat on a daily basis. Start decreasing your portion sizes for regular meals. (I use salad plates to serve meals on rather than dinner plates). Are there foods that you know aren't very helpful to your weight loss goals? (Cookies, Chips, Candy, High calorie drinks) Decrease your frequency and amount for those foods.

Lastly, I would say be prepared to give your body time to lose the weight. We would all like fast weight loss and we may get frustrated if it doesn't happen as quickly as we like, but you need to give yourself and your body time to lose the weight. If you are completely stuck for months at a time, then you may need to re-evaluate your plan and adjust it.
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Old 05-30-2006, 08:12 PM   #9  
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I agree 100% with Nelie's entire post, but ESPECIALLY the first paragraph. The habits that make people obese the first (or fourth time around) will make people obese again. Lifestyle change. easy to say, so dang hard to do!!!
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Old 05-31-2006, 09:04 AM   #10  
Downsizing Dee!
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Welcome to the group - as normal there's some great advice posted here already (what a wonderful and wise group of people here). Stick around and keep us posted to how it's going.

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Old 05-31-2006, 10:35 AM   #11  
Going to ONEderland
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I'm curious to know where you eat, how you eat, and why you eat the way you do. Having a husband that says he will "kill you first" is a bit frightening. Does he say this sort of thing often? Sometimes the people around us reinforce our most negative aspects of our personality. Sometimes those around us have a stake in keeping us fat. We may not see it, may not recognize it, but sometimes it works that way.

I would start with small goals if I were you. Cooking at home for one, rather than going to fast food places (if this is one of your issues). Make your meals, varied and interesting, well seasoned, and flavorful, but healthy. Start with drinking your water every day, and with taking a walk every day. Let the rest of the changes happen over time.

Think about what you do that you would like to change, and gradually try phasing out or eliminating MOST of the bad habits, but don't start viewing food as the enemy or feeling like you can never have something you want. Extreme changes only lead to the extremes you've already been through. Search for a balanced way of viewing your life and of making small changes over time.
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Old 05-31-2006, 11:14 AM   #12  
One pound at a time...
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First of all, to the group! Everyone has already said good advice, but the underlying comment I am getting is unfortunately, there is no "quick fix" to weight loss. All of us are embracing a lifestyle, which means not only changing how we eat, but also how we think about food. Your story rings very true to me, and I have gone through those large weight loss periods and then have gained it back. For me, it is "unlearning" everything I know. This is a great place for support and ideas and every one of is achieving our goals in a different way. You just need to find what you can live with. Good luck!
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